The Reunion

Today, i wnet beraye with my pri skule mates...woah, what nostalgia. now normally, the main objective of raye-ing with your friends is to collect as mucho $$ as possible but this time our priority was to catch up and catch up we did. it was fantastic, hanging around each others houses trading 'do you remember?'s and 'what about that time??'s and the usual girly stuff. but it weren't happy moment only...there were a significant number of sad pauses thinking of frends we had lost contact with, and the bitter petty fights we used to have. thinking about the people missing from our group. it wa spretty sad.

and you know what? i realize i wasn't being completely myself today with them. i spoke more malay, talked about stuff i usually wouldn't, behaved more sanely...i wasn;t being me. it was as if i had put on a mask..it was totally sub-conscious.

and i suppose as well that i wasn' being absolutely myself as well during CAP. i was a bit more quiet than ususl and more hesitant to speak out my opinion- kinda because i was intimidated by all the geniustic ppl form the Big schools. no, don't laugh. i'm serious. the insecurity was there. although it did ease up later during the week, it was still there. i was more sane, less outspoken and kept myslef in check. another mask as well but of anither degree i suppose.

then there is the mask i put on at school as well. its the one that sugar-coats my sharp tongue.

i wonder if people would like/accept me if they knew the real me. the one that speaks her mind with no holds barred.

i suppose the only people who know the complete me is my mudder and best friend...and even then, i wonder
'