i will die.

..well, yeah. it's true i suppose. sooner or later.

im hardly eloquent.

i wish i the world was in monochrome. so much prettier than the bright glaring colours staring at me now. *pukegagpuke*

gack, how stupid can i get? i blame it on the brain cells dying each single day. huh, wouldn't that mean that as i grow older, and start the dreaded metamorphosis into an adult, i will then be stupid-ER? egads.

i will die.

death will soon come to find me due to my own inevitable stupidity.
stupidstupidstupid

stupid for not doing what i had known needed to be done
stupid for staying where it's safe stupid for listening to sarah mclachlan and bic runga leaving me all melancholic and depressed stupid for not being there stupid for not doing the right thing stupid for messing this whole shit up stupid for wasting my time stupid for being the anti-social recluse that i am stupid for doing nothing stupid for standing still stupid for runnning blindly too fast stupid for staying quiet stupid for saying too much stupid for saying the wrong thing stupid for ignoring what's important stupid for caring stupid for thinking stupid for feeling low stupid for being blind stupid for not changing stupid for refusing to change stupid for contemplating change stupid for staying stupid for wanting to leave stupid for being me.

it's fucked-up stupid
damn it. a silent scream would help
i guess that's the source of it; silence.



it's so much fun being angsty. yep. as fun as puking my guts out and then having to swallow them back to where they belong.

might as well get it over with.





all is not fine in this bubble of delusions i live in darling.

[themesong: Never There - Cake]