Monday, May 31, 2004

its been a loong traumatic day :/

malay O's.
let me count the ways how traumatic thou art.

my paper one was BEYOOND crap. the dialogue bit was shiit and not very depthful. the compo itself was about *SIGHS* saying goodbye to a rusty bicycle that had meant a lot to my family and it was basically, quality-wise, a lump of half-baked dough. oh oh oh i wish it was in english instead - you know, i realize that when it comes to writing malay compos, i come up with better ideas because i have to put in THAT much more effort compared to the almost effortless english writing. sadly, a cheap plain bun tastes much better than well, an expensive lump of half-baked dough.

my compo was um, about this girl and her family living in a kampong at Pulau Ubin. so since she was a kid, they've had this bike that got them around the whole island. memorable rides in the early morning to school yadda yadda yadda bonding moments with her dad; to cut the story short [wait- frock, this IS all my story diediedie] her dad loses his job and they have to go mainland to find a job so they've got to sell their bicycle before they go.

OMG it really sucks doesnt it?

on a brighter note, i was so traumatized after it that during the short break afterwards, i was ranting to matt about well, how bad it was and i was holding and fidgeting with my "empty" ribena packet and i accidentally squirted the remnants at him. i was too panicky though so only the small sane figure of myself hiding at the back of my head realized the humour of the situation heheh.

paper 2 wasnt as bad i suppose. though i realized halfway when i was doing my compre that they were actually asking me why the kid valued his teacher more than his monkey or something like that.
stupid questions for malay compres are quite legendary. for example if im not wrong, last year's paper asked them "why did the train stop at the train station?"

i made a pact with the rest of my classmates [a whopping total of 4!] NOT to tell my really stressed-out malay teacher the extent of it's bad-osity cuz we cant have him having a nervy B and hey, they're already limited spots there and c'mon, WE want them! ..or something to that extent.

shit man, never again shall i retail therepy with my friends; the ones who look gorgeous in any overpriced item of clothing i mean. oh oh it's SO unfair *bawls*

on another brighter note, we found a mirror that made us look proportionately skinnier! disturbing thingy is, we were all fascinated with it and spent a good time scrutinizing our reflections. let your Inner Insecure Bimbo ruuule *sighs*

which leads me to my rant about how pissed i am about the slimming and boob enhancement ads that dominate the newspapers these days. it wouldnt be as bad if they were tastefully done but nooo, their smack giant pictures of BOOBS AND CLEAVAGE AND ENDLESS LEGS. full-page ads advocating how "OMG even if your perectly healthy, you still must trim those inches! big boobs=happy husbands!" pfft! talk about encouraging inferiority complexes and increasing rates of eating disorders.

i rest in the comfort of knowing that the photos are ALL digitally editted and the only reason her legs stretch to her armpits are cuz they air-brushed out her knees! hah!

kneeless freeeak with swollen lumps of fatty mammary glands.

which was why i was delighted much when i suddenly asked myself while browsing to Life "why's there a full-page pic of sorta gorgey guy wearing nothing but swimming trunks?" i am glad to announce that hah, the Metrosexual Era is fully here! no longer will the pages be splashed with bikini/hotpants-togged women; tis now OUR turn to OGLE at the epitomy of a perfect man! mwahahahaa

yes, it is now our turn to expect all of you to exist only and only in that muscular, well-defined form. any less, thou art unworthy of our short attention span - pecs biceps 6-packs, bring it on!!

pay-back is sweet.

naaah, im kidding. really.

Saturday, May 29, 2004

a summary of non-eventful days at school.

i think perhaps my spate of boredom at school and failure in my academic life have been the causes if my sudden decision to head to the institute of no uniforms, long breaks and a semblence of creativity - ie. poly.

i am still twiddling with the idea. and each time i do, i only remind myself more that if i do, i would be bidding a sad farewell to taking art and literature. *sighs*

which was also probably why with tht sad truth that i headed to the library and instead of reading trash mags that i cant be bothered to buy, i went to the [rather small] poetry section that i am embarassed to admit, never knew was there in our good old heartland mall. *shrugs* well, you learn something new everyday!

anyway, i picked up a book of Keats and there's one that's stuck in my head; it's called A Song About Myself i think. it's a whimsical poem that's basically about him breaking away from his old life, finding a new place to do what he wants [scribble poetry] and in the end, he does. only to realize that it's no different than where he was in the furst place - snerk, what i fear JC will be.

on a bored day at school with a pen in my hand, i scribbled on a surface far more interesting than plain paper - my leg.

mwahahahahahahaha, adorned with neat arrows and labels that would make my bio teacher proud, i present to you:

- "this left thigh is property of izyanti"
- "this scar is the result of a horrid bicycle accident 3 years ago on a wet day"
- "this is a BIRTHMARK. not an algae growth as claimed by the very deluded charmaine lee yun hua."
- "cornified layer of skin. [also known as the 'horny layer']"
- "yes Random Teacher, my socks are around 3cm above my ankle."
- etc etc.

my mum's worried. and so am i, suppose or will be when the news strike me properly in the head.
she went for a mammogram recently and just got a letter from them telling her that they found some irregularities so they want her to go make an appointment to check it out. it could esily be nothing, but well, it could also be something. :/

*keep your fingers crossed guys*

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

a moment that inspires me to bash *people* up.

*i laugh at it now [well, kinda] but during the period that i had a crush on this guy that bordered [ok FINE; it was.] on obsession and a particular 'friend' blatantly flirted extravagantly with him in front of me AND she knew, that complete biyatch!

oh the fury the FURY! i wanted to yank her by the hair, drop-kick her with a HAI-YAAAH! and *seethes* stomp stomp STOMP.

funny thing is, i developed my acting ability from experiences like this and basically, from the whole crush. my face was completely calm as if it was just another guy she was throwing herself at [m-reeeoow, bitchy much] when in fact, i was all to ready to riiiip her throat out.

i can now successfully pretend convincingly of lets say, complete nonchalance when in truth, i'm head over heels in infatuation and mwaha, my patented 'SufferingStudent' Look.

i know it's saved my butt oh so many times =D

i've decided to do Ngee Ann's mass communications.
it was an epiphany really, suddenly everything seemed to click and it felt right. it's something that i've not felt for a long time.

funnier still is that all along, i've always though my first choice would be definitely JC and so so Suddenly.
but i'll miss taking art. and lit.

but on the other hand, no more maths [much], no more science, no more malay, no more pe [i thiink]


there's just not much future for me in jc methinks. poly opens more doors, more oppurtunities for me to explore.
i'm really not keen on doing another 2 years of textbook regurgitating. i'm bored.


and yet, still, am i doing the right thing? i do realize of course that by being in poly, im forfeiting another chance at CAP :/

here's a personal request from me 0 Readers [snerk, if any]: give me a GOOD reason why i should go jc cuz i for shiit cant think of any.

you know what's my problem?

short attention span.

Thursday, May 20, 2004

early in the morning after episode of Disorientation..

izyanti was sitting quitely on the courtyard contemplating the fact that for completely illogical reasons, she was in fact at school when bouncy friend [ie.gennie] bounces up to her

"iz iz, what did you get for aini's birthday?"
"huh? aini's birthday?"
"um, it's today isnt it?"
"today? naaaaah - wait, oh skoodeedooda! oh shit oh shit, this is baaad oh frock! - oh. my. gawd. if TODAY'S aini's birthdaaaay...then yesterday would have DAD'S birthday!! *flabbergasted* oh shiiiiiiiit"

the detrimental effects of too much sleep. really, who would have thought??

anyway, it turned out that daddy dearest himself forgot! mwaha. i called mudder in the middle of school for the fun of it only to find out that she too, as his wife, forgot as well! *snerk* her reaction was much much amplified lol.

at Faber

it was muchos fun, hot and sticky but fun nontheless because well, it's something new for me! its no surprise that i don't usually spend my weekend in foresty areas but hey, it was worth it.

so what WAS i doing there? it had turned out to be the 'sekrit location' of the CAP alumni outing and uh, i ended up being laaaate.
honestly, i dont really think that this episode was my fault. kass called me up when i was in the bus to tell me that hey, it might be at 2 instead of 1. so i cleverly decided to drop by IMM for my proper lunch and yadda yadda when i was waiting for my public transport chariot, they called me to ask politely, WHERE THE HELL I WAS. *sighs* and technically, since i did think it was at 2, i wasn't late! =D

interjection: i was at the supermarket there looking for um, more food before i gave up cuz the lines at the cashier were bloody long and ironically, i didnt want to be late. i was too lazy to trek back [hey, it was those giant hypermarts kaaay!] so i decided to squeeze out through one of the closed cashier aisled that had been blocked with at line of trolleys so you can imagine how narrow it was. i had to inch sideways and in the process, something plastic and SHARP scratched my face so ow ow nevermind, i adopted Dory's motto and just keep walking walking walking when i later on caught my reflection somwhere and the scratch was no small thing at ALL. it was red and swell-y. PANIC but breathe breathe, it'll go down, just a titchy scratch no biggie, or so i told myself.
at the end of the day when i had conveniently forgotten abt its prescence, but oh nooo. good ol siak and this chinese high huy brought attention to it and hah, get this, they said i look like..Action Woman.
cheers to you, man. always wanted to be a superhero; bring on the spandex and cape! yeah right, lol.

i have a rakish scar yeah!

anyways, im my mid-panic on the bus, i /actually/ managed to concoct up a decent poem! something that is really rare i think, to have um, inspiration strike up in the middle of nowhere :/

in the midst of furiously sending out psychic thought-waves to Mr. A B Lye [ie. bus driver i'm sorry - i mean, bus captain] to pleeeease step on the gas pedal cuz geez, that's what its for when i realized that i'm always caught in a situation when i'm tardy; so here it goes!

an ode to the perpetually late

i know i know
ten minutes ago
i should have been There
instead of still Here

i rush i rush
but to no effect
the constantly late
can't beat the clock

i didn't mean to, really i swear
the bus was late!
the traffic was bad!
it isn't my fault at all!

i'll blame the sky
and the rain that falls
before i
...grudgingly admit,

i lost track of time.

its not that i dawdle
its not that i dally
- seperate entities,
the clock and i.

merf, probably the most decent thing i wrote yesterday *shudders remembering her incoherent scrawls in her notebook*. will elaborate later -

ANYWAYS, somehow in all the flurry-burry [gawd, what a funny word] i managed to confoose myself into thinking that they were all waiting at harbourfront's cable car station so i literally ran around, realizing that shopping centres are very conducive places for 2.4, got lost, had to ask directions from TOURISTS before finally getting to the bloody station. where i then found out that whoopeedoo, they weren't there at all and shiit, i just got mixed up. AND they were already making their way to Faber. and gawd, if i cant even get around harbourfront, NO WAY am i going to attempt trekking up Faber myself and here's the slightly embarassing thing: its been EONS since ive been there and i have completely FORGOTTEN where it was anyways.
so there i was, panting, sweaty [sorry - i mean, glowing] no doubt like a neon tomato :/ much to the curious stares of tourists. i hope i ddnt give them the wrong impression of singapore youths. i swear, we're not usually that dishevelled!
i was annoyed with myself and not to happy about my wild goose chase so clever-osity of me, the only thing i came up with is "TAKE CABLE CAR". even the reality of it costing $7.50 didn't hit my perhaps dehydrated brain.
the whole ride was stupiak, i didnt realize it was so close by *sheepish* felt like knocking my head against the car walls but ddnt of course cuz i ddnt like the idea of an um, dramatic accident further marring my afternoon lol. and it wasnt even scenic! i went over the bloody roads augh. i listened to the audio tour guide in french, they sure take a long time to say 'green foresty supposed mountain' :P

but i forgave myself for my own stupidity when i finally got there cuz really, its not often that i get to see such an awesome view and um, ambience! it's beautiful really, tourist-enhanced but nonetheless, simply lahv-ly.
there was this bar/cafe thing with starbucks-style chairs on the open deck looking out to the river opening up to the sea. it was breezy, they were playing The Corrs's greatest hits, i was playing with this pretty cat oh oh all was right with the world *beams* i feel like going back one day, just for the sake of it.

the rest of them reached maybe 10ish minutes later and honestly i felt a lil bad for kinda cheating. they had to trek all the way up and kass was wearing according to her, 'not-so-comfy' slippers.
um, the ice-breaker games i felt were kinda painful. not literally duh, but very much so to the social insecure in me who suddenlt decided to rear its ugly head up. there was this game when we had to humour-ify scientific facts and when kass called my name my brain literally went blank and started screaming "HOLE! HOLE! FIND HOLE TO CRAWL IN!" and honestly, who /can/ be funny with loud intrusive voices in your head shouting at you?? huh? huh?
..i was just, um, intimidated by the sudden onslaught of new faces i think.

did a spot of writing, really bad stuff and ended up sketching the Ye Olde Giant Tree.

the game we played afterwards was muchos fun though! um, some of us were blindfolded [including yours truly] and were made to do stupid stuff and simply said, exploited in front of the discerning lens of vincent's camcorder *sighs* gawd, how stupid can you get?
maan, it was LAME to the extreme and therein, the fun-osity of it all. made to jump over 'drains' though i stuck my foot out to feel around and there were clearly NONE. doofus. but still, i went along with it accompanied by a cry of 'cowabunga!'
and they made me climb on to the merlion thingy and THEY ended up grossed out when i accidentaly stuck my finger in some decaying leaf gunk.

and i ended up groping Raffles. snerk! geez, isnt tht some form of blasphemy? *shrugs*

oh and i stuck my hand into the camcorder lens as well so hah!
gawd, i am SO going to cringe when i see the video lol

toodle-oo, mother dearest wants to play inklink. lol

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

more cassandra claire *beams*

an excerpt
"When Draco was six years old, his father had given him a bird to carry his mail. The other children Draco knew had friendly owls, or the occasional bluebird, but Draco's father gave him a falcon, with bright black eyes and a beak that curved like the mark on a Sickle.

The falcon did not like Draco, and Draco didn't like it either. Its sharp beak made him nervous, and its bright eyes always seemed to be watching him. It would slash at him with beak and talons when he came near: for weeks, his wrists and hands were always bleeding. He did not know it, but his father had selected a falcon that had lived in the wild for over a year, and thus was nearly impossible to tame. But Draco tried, because his father had told him to make the falcon obedient, and he wanted to please his father.

He stayed with the falcon constantly, keeping it awake by talking to it and even playing music to it, because a tired bird was meant to be easier to tame. He learned the equipment: the jesses, the hood, the brail, the leash that bound the bird to his wrist. He was meant to keep the falcon blind, but he could not do it - instead he tried to sit where the bird could see him as he touched and stroked its wings, willing it to trust him. He fed it from his hand, and at first it would not eat: later it ate so savagely that its beak cut the skin of his palm. But he was glad, because it was progress, and because he wanted the bird to know him, even if it had to consume his blood to make that happen.

He began to see that the falcon was beautiful, that its slim wings were built for speed of flight, that it was strong and swift, fierce and gentle. When it dived to the ground, it moved like forked lightning. When it learned to circle and come to his wrist, he nearly cried with delight. Sometimes the bird would hop to his shoulder and put its beak in his hair. He knew his falcon loved him, and when he was certain it was not just tamed but perfectly tamed, he went to his father, and showed him what he had done, expecting him to be proud.

Instead, his father took the bird, now tame and trusting, in his hands, and broke its neck. "I told you to make it obedient," his father said, and dropped the falcon's lifeless body to the ground. "Instead, you taught it to love you. Falcons are not meant to be loving pets: they are fierce and wild, savage and cruel. This bird was not tamed; it was broken."

Later, when his father left him, Draco cried over his pet, until eventually his father sent a house-elf to take the body of the bird away and bury it. Draco never cried again, and he never forgot what he learned: that to be loved was to destroy, and that to love was to be the one destroyed."

disorienting slumber.

i am currently woozy from some pathogens trying to take over my immune system. my head aches and most importantly, i am unusually quiet.


you know how people get jetlag from travelling to far within a too short period of time resulting in yadda yadda yadda disorientation? well, guess what?

i've got naplag.

i suppose it comes with the whole package of having a cold/flu thing. let's see, i slept 75% of the day away at school - the other 25% was spent receiving more horrid results oh the funness of it all.
went home, took a looong nap woke up at 7 took a nap, woke up at 11 went online slept at 2 woke up at 9 had breakfast slept till 5 woke up slacked around reading mediocre book took short naps every once in a while and here i am now.

therefore it is logical to conclude that,
Problem: slept too much too many times withing one day.
Result: woke up not very sure what day it was because it felt like another day entirely and wondering when a tornado hit my room and just a general feel of complete confoooooosion.

it was like each period - whether it was 15 minutes or 3 hours - of sleep engulfed me absolutely into a depth of unconsciousness that erases my sense of time...which really is never a comfortable feeling to have each time you wake up.

i realize i have this bad habit of never having my full attention on somebody when im talking to them. i'll be thoroughly listening and replying but my eyes are always wandering and more often than not, i end up staring at someone who might be or not a complete stranger.
what makes it a strange habit is that it does appear very weird to have somebody blankly stare at you with somewhat indifference while she's in conversation with somebody else.

and the disturbing thing is, what im doing is actually etching down the subtle nuances of that person's face for the sake of it i suppose.

i have vivid snatches of time captured in memory of your faces all of you and yes i know how stalker-ish this all sounds. from the way your hair falls and the crinkle of your smile or frown to little details like freckles and zits and the precise angle of light that hits your face.

ooh creepy much.

im ranting i know. im not making sense am i?

Monday, May 17, 2004


first of all, let me make it clear: i do not usually like action-packed blockbuster movies. their not really my thing.

and yet, i went to watch a supremely over-hyped, publicity driven flick and gawd, am i glad i did!

at first, i was like oooh, brad pitt naked - cool! then i forgot all about the genius costume designer and her strategically 'loose' tunics for the guys cuz honestly, eric bana and peter o'toole were fantastic in the movie. as actors, they were simply wow. and of course it doesnt hurt that bana is rather good-looking as well.

pitt carried of his role as achilles well but it cannot be denied that the former two were simply better actors.

*sniff* everybody i liked died and to add um, salt to the bloody injury, orlando bloom DIDNT.

stupid annoying kid.
this movie has only confirmed how much i do not like the roles that he plays. i thought he was rather bimbotic in lotr and in pirates, an asshole for *gasp* abandoning jack sparrow [ie. the Reason why i watched the flick] and generally annoying and in this one, the wimpy kid brother who gets his whole country into trouble and indirectly causing the death of both his father and brother. and even worse, he then killed achilles even though he had saved his cousin! what an eeee-deeyot!and geez, it was painful to watch him challenge the enemy on a one-on-one battle and pathetically losing; the guy was clinging onto the leg of his brother who in the end, as usual, had to save him *rolls eyes*.

and here's something to note and i dont think ints something to be much proud of though. i cried during the bloody movie. er...and it seemed to make logical sense to because I thought they were valid tears but uh, i suppose not because i asked around among those who have watched it [and YOU 0 reader who i hope tp ask on the future; yes im asking you to watch it] and they admit that it was heart-wrenching but yeah well, its just me.

i dunno...the fight scenes really disturbed me i think. im rather desensitized to all those war and huge bomb explosion thingys but the battles and clashing legions of men in heheh, short skirts and armour weilding elogated toothpicks looked too real and struck a nerve i suppose cuz i kept relating the scenes to wars presently going on and how they were dying as well.
so THAT already managed to rouse me emotions. --"
but what really turned on the taps [hey hey, not GUSHING okaaay - more like dripping] were the moments of horrid injustice when the literally good hector died and was dragged off cruelly to the enemy camp and when king priam swallowed his pride and went to arcilles pleading for the body of his son so that he would be allowed the honourable funeral that he deserved and was later on cowardly stabbed in the back by the asshole argemennon.

it was all a gradual build-up to amazing scenes saturated in emotion and symbolism and hey, its not my fault if you only notice the gore and hot guys. Hail the director and screenplay writer.
its not often that a blatantly mainstream movie manages emotional and um, deeper depth and i suppose THT'S what makes the movie so wow.

note: i ddnt watch the Gladiator cuz i dont like russel crowe, mwaha.

..or maybe, the reason for my supposedly misplaced teariness strikes closer to home.

the Exams.

honestly i feel like im abandoned in this huge desert without the pretty sky at night and cute camel [who am i kidding? they're SO not cute.] and im not panicking like i do normally and looking for people or an oasis where people are willing to fan me with giant leaves and feed me grapes where i dont have to think about the vascular bundles of the said leaves and what the fleshy pulp of the grape developed from and how the flower was friggin fertilized.
instead, ive kinda collapsed on to the ground, curled up and going to sleep so that i wont have to bother or think about my dismal and abysmal situation.

ie. i have given up.

this is baaaaaaaad.
and even then, my reaction to this trauma isnt as bad as my results itself. this is how shitty things are.

and the thing is, we KNOW its simply going to get worse from now on. two weeks in june will be spent with 6 hours daily of school and timed practice. when school re-opens, hell will unleashed.

oh man oh man, why ddn anybody warn us??? oh wait, that's right - they did.

on a lighter note, the ickle kiddies [ie. lower sec, the annoying buggers all of 'em] had their cheering comp today.

the cheering comp[ompetition] for the unenlightened is a school tradition and no, dont go imagine well executed leaps, splits and gymnastic stuff and girls in short skirts. generally, the quality is BAD [admittedly, my class was one of them mwaha] - a bunch of disorganized kids screaming out lame cheers in even more lame formations wearing their class tees.
the better ones [and our year has several] are however, REALLY good. still, no typical american high school rah rah-ing but what we DO get is a performance of utmost wackiness with funny song-cheers and co-ordinated 'dancemoves'.
an annual event that really is a sight to behold. ...sad though that my memories of participating only manages to make me cringe *sighs*

ANYWAYS, the kids [oh how i enjoy calling them that; i revel in the superiority that age places me mwahahahahaha] were running through their routines after school ended and geez - they SUUCK.
their pom-poms were limp skinny things and the cheapskates that they are, didnt even bother to have a class tee.
most importantly, they were SOFT. tsk.
at our worst, disorganized and lacking uh, creative vision, our year at least was always loud but these textbook-memorizing people were truly sad.
so a bunch of the guys from our year started cheering from the fourth floor where we were all slacking in the corridors. 20 or so guys and they were more than thrice louder than them and i wonder whether the kids figured that we were in fact, dissing them.
*beams* i felt a surge of pride and affectionate fondness for the ruckus-causing and at the least, rule-bending attitude of my batch because the sad truth is that we are the last of the students who know school is largely about having fun and we all know that's by bending the rules as far as possible and mwaha what the hell, breaking them.

Sunday, May 16, 2004

yesterday's Events. *beams*

went out with bern and matt which could have resulted dismally like um, the last but it didnt! we had a fantastic time really and a total of 6 times, we went "gawd, i wish the rest were here!".
but yeah well, we all plead clashing scedules and examinations *shrugs and sighs*

we went to Far East's Starbucks where bern had a scone [before i found out what it was last time, i always had thought it would be conical] and i savoured a yumfull oreo cheesecake. and loads of laughter on the side.

next stop: the SAM [ie. singapore art museum]
for some reason, bern had the 'brilliant' idea of walking there which is a whole 2km away and for some reason, satiated on my mocha frapp and caffeinated, i agreed. it was hot and humid after the drizzle and the stage was set for a miserable walk but oh no, we were saved by helium balloons!
wish i could say for the sake of sensationalizing this entry that the three of us grabbed a whole bunch of 'em and floated off much to the alarm of SAF's radar people but no, we did not.
what we DID do was um, suck the helium! its the main reason why i like the balloons so much, mwaha. voice minnie mouse-ified, i started reading out ads and singing stupid songs LOUDLY much to the amusement and wonderment of people around us. much delighted, bern grabbed a balloon from the next person we saw; it co-ordinated perfectly with her pinafore lol.
it also became a public safety hazard because it kept hitting others. merf. we tried to hit matthew with it [bop! bop!] but most of the time, sorely failed as it ended up hitting both our faces *sighs* time and time again.
so we walked and walked then heard a ballon burst - it was this kid's yellow non-helium balloon [hah!] so we decided hey, let's give ours to the lil kiddie.

oh the ingrateful child. he ran away in fright and horror. tsk tsk, the audacity of the young generation! lol

we stomped around in the pebble gravel outside the Istana cuz i was just kicking it around at first wondering why they bothered with it - i mean, what's wrong with good ol' grass? high maintanence i suppose.
but then we found out that in some areas, the gravel was pleasantly deep enough for our feet to sink into it which feels very strange and fun at the same time. so there you go, three teens tottering around the gravel, laughing seemingly at nothing at all. *smiles wistfully*

by now, bern was bored with her balloon so i promptly asked, can i suck it then? ooh er, dodgy! lol
i taught bern and matt [he's completely USELESS, man. inhale not gulp, you doofus. snerk!] how to and we took turns reading the university and disney advertisments we were walking past *beams*

so, finally reaching the museum.
it was funnnnn. i mean, original Picasso and Warhol! augh augh! and lots of fascinating installations to wow at and dodgy ones that left us tickeled and amused. bern was our official Guide with her aep knowledge cuz you know me, i just appreciate the pieces for their aesthetic value, mwaha. i dont have the art history knowledge to back up and support any further inferences *ponders* maybe i should take aep. it sounds like fun; masochistic fun but um..enriching nonetheless.

oh oh there was this display of of dismantled teddy bear parts in a huge clear plastic box that ywith arm holes so you can play around with it. matthew held up a leg that was brown and furry and *cough cough* of a certain shape LOL.
and there was this 13m long painting that was soo full of emotion even though it was simply a dismal cityscape.

and another installation piece of hand-sewn stuffed butterflies in the curved wall of one of the galleries. so pretty~

ooh ooh, one of the corridors had a bunch of Ikea's kiddie furniture ther for the kids to play with and i have this particular fascination i suppose with one of them. loved it the moment i saw it, parents refused to get it. *sighs*
you know those metallic egg chairs in the movie MIB? its like a smaller version and orange with a hood thing you can pull down so you end up in an orange egg that can spin!
hello, how can i NOT love the thing??
so predictably i rushed to it, and started spinning slowly when the both if them started spinning me so faaaast my guts were churning - i hope nobody heard my manic laughter though i think its a high possibility cuz it was so quite and empty. when i finally clambered out of it, i was so dizzy that i stumbled [still laughing] and collapsed face-down on the carpeted floor and couldnt get up for a good full 10 seconds, MWAHA. i love that woozy feeling you get.

and bern was sorta singing [sorta cuz she ddn noe all the lyrics lol] and it sounded almost ethereal because of the echoes that reverbrated through the high ceilings. *smiling wistfully again* i felt so serenely happy among the artpieces in that place of beautiful architecture and with good friends

*sniffs* i need more days like this.

then we went to the kopitiam and had sugar-loaded deserts and YAY, intelligent conversation!
fun fun fun fun~ go on, revel in my eloquence.

it would really have been so much funner with the full madCAP crowd *sighs*
a short burst of a rant.

alright AngelFire, what's the big idea huh???

all the pictures uploaded with them has been replaced with that ugly logo you see down there!!
how do i know? i checked out and the graphics THERE were affected as well!

this is a major AUGH.

somebody puh-leeeeeeze get it fixed!
its really a horrible eyesore.

Friday, May 14, 2004

i put the 'me', in mediocre.

geez, i've got a string of Bs this mid-years and the really fucked up thing is that their all short of a mark or two to make it into an A.

but what can i say? i worked hard but it must be noted that the 'working hard' only took place uncomfortably the day before or at the most, two.

i spent the whole daaaay in the art room yesterday. am happy much!

had fun with the spray paint, it really looks good when it drips on corrugated cardboard. i suppose it was a productive day. i suppose it was made even fun-er by the fact that while i was in a nice airy room doing what i like, listening to the radio, my less fortunate peers were in the hall just above me having a talks on How To Relieve Stress and Pornography. no, their not related - entirely different talks i swear!

i also found out after going through my chem paper [that i flunked] is that i KNEW my facts, its just that a) i didnt phrase it properly and/or b)i got the first part of the question wrong which lead to the other parts being wrong as well.

the other day, good ol' Minister Tharman visited our school.

he came, he saw, he ran away screaming in hysteria.
well, not really. but i wouldn't be surprised if he wanted to.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Bukit Panjang Government High presents to you, our Propoganda Parade.
you see, in typical and predictable fashion, the whole thing was over-hyped and essentially, a lie. of course, i didnt expect any less but it irks me terribly still.

the extent of the school's efforts to put up a good facade:
- walls freshly painted; mind you, only the walls that'll he and his entourage will be walking by. and here i thought they were /finally/ doing something about the rather poor state of the um, infrastructure. gah
- mock classes held in the "special rooms" so that he'll see us absorbing information in a 'creative and conducive' environment like the good students and school we are.
- hah! here's a laugh: my lit teacher accidentally walked into one of the rooms where they were actually rehearsing for his visit the day before. she told us the usually 'dignified' and pompous HODS were robotically raising their arms ala newbie tour guide repeating "minister, this is our project" and "minister, this is our presentation". GEEZ, we're being taught by a buncha androids!
- and this is what really pissed me off. the morning of the visit, Herr Hitler herself [hey, alliteration!..and oxymoronic as well.] in her daily morning lecture told us to in slightly more politically-correct terms to actually stay away from the areas that he would be touring...and there would be actually teachers stationed at the borders of these Areas to usher us students away. YEARGH

what is the point then of these visits if all they see is a stage show put up and only to be taken down with a collective sigh of relief from the already stressed staff when it's over? nothing really changes.
he doesnt actually see how the school truly is, what really IS our situation. all he is given is a pretty-upped, benign, politically-correct, enhanced version.

and the WORSE thing is, he most likely knows. he's new and everything but surely, he knows their just a bunch of pretty lies.
all he sees are our augmented points of strength, and nothing at all about our flaws.
how exactly can we actually improve if nothing is actually seen?

there is no point is there?

they keep us students away, the bunch of us who actually want to talk to him [ok, at least i do] and who would answer his questions frankly and instead, they shove at him the students and 'randomly selected' staff who will answer in absolute politically-correct terms and probably have scripted answers or more likely, are just too timid/cant-be-bothered to be real.

oh how very angsty this entry is but ah well.
it's like a deja vu of the other time MOE officials came to visit our school. that time, it was even MORE blatant how indeed the 'randomly' selected the people interviewed.

yadda yadda yadda, this made me feel really pissy-offy which lead to what happend during morning assembly yesterday *snerk*
the vice-principal was thanking us for the success of the play they staged beforehand which only served to incense me even more.
then moving on in her slooooow drone-like voice, she talked about the coming nominations for the Most Caring Teacher Award which at this point, i shouted
oh maaaan, the nanosecond the first syllable came out of my mouth i was like 'oh shiiiiit.' cuz a whole LOT of people [the 2 classes on both sides and teachers front and back] turned towards me and gawd, i /knew/ it was out of line, rude and essentially, i was in the wrong. and it had come out louder than i wanted it too; probably cuz everybody else had fallen asleep lulled by her monotonous speech.

i thought, this is it. Tiger [aka our DM] is gonna pull me out, i'll get a major, SCORCHING, nuclear blast-like grilling and i'm not gonna be put in RMUN and oh gawd oh gawd oh gawd.

those span of seconds were nerve-wrecking. i was literally waiting for my death cuz i /knew/ the teachers heard me.

but but BUT.

i was saved by my oh so useful trait of appearing calm when panicking and brief moments of clarity when confronted.
and the fact that im a compulsive liar.
and that hah, i am a rather good actress.
AND that my form teacher is ms. gullible.

she pulled me out and was about to start on the "what was that all about? i'm going to send you to your death" lecture when i interrupted with a competently convincing story about geez, sorry, i realized that was out of line, im really sorry, i ddn really mean it; it's just that..i'm still upset over my chem results yesterday and im still feeling...*cue patented stressed and distressed student look*

*BEAMS* i got off with a pat on the back and her teling me to control myself better next time.

oh oh oh i feel a tad guilty now conning her.

tomorrow - The Story of: When Matthew, Bernadette and Izyanti go to the Art Museum. =D

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

NEWSFLASH: the pigs are flying.

crap crap CRAP of an eff-ing day.

1. i did MEDIOCRE-LY for english! augh! i got of all things, a B3! why, just because of my bloody summary!! how can i get a 14?? tres impossible..but there it was, in bold red ink AND he added as well "very bold of you to use liquid paper!" when i was explicitly told not to.

correction: i used correction TAPE, the instructions indicated no FLUID. there's a fine difference you hoity-toity english teachers and if YOU cant differentiate THAT, you have no right for marking us down just because our answers [just realized its a very weird spelling] are /slightly/ off-tangent according to the Hailed Answer Scheme.

however, on a brighter perspective, because i did sub-par for my english, i did better for my MALAY by a whole 2 marks!! *throttles Inner Optimist and shoves her into a nice hidden corner and resumes gloom and dooming*
my malay is usually 10 marks lower than english. tis indeed, a miracle.

i suppose it's only fair to add that there were only NINE distinctions in the entire level but STILL.

2. i found out today that i wil be forced to go through an eville scheme that the equelly Eville One has planned: Intensive Study Programme.
normally, i would ignore the glaring fact that it's Her idea and go anyway and rather ENTHUSIASTICALLY as well since though i may be neurotic, i am not deluded and KNOW that i need all the help i can get.

2 weeks? fine.

but the frocking fact is, the second week of isp is the LAST WEEK OF JUNE and as i deceptively cheerfully reminded ye olde mattie, that is CAP WEEK.

so no sleepover?
missing out on a LOT of CAPpy fun?

it looks oh so likely.

3. went ice-skating afterwards. which turned out to be craaap as well.
yes i did fall [and pathetically so] but that is not the Biggie here though anyways, i shall elaborate. i knocked over a cone, so i skated back and when i kneeled down to pick it up, i lost my balance and sorta slipped and knocked down another cone. there's only one word for moments such as these: diao.

and and the hockey skaters are out to get me *whimpers*. i dont know why, but they usually kinda leave me alone in a nicely benign way but today they were for some reason, uncomfortably often, skated too close to me and kept on cutting me. its either a] for some reason they've decided to include me in their typical hockey-skater mischief game [augh augh] b]they hate me and want to see me splayed flat on the ice.

and i'm NOT being paranoid! it kept happening and once, the hockey coach who's really cool with a long ponytail and he suddenly started skating beside me, then cut me, SUDDENLY spun and braked to face me which really augh, um, shocked me.

i possibly might have ended up looking like a goldfish who's uh, shocked.

i smiled weakly at him and dashed awaaaaay from him and his eville minions.

oh oh oh, i think perhaps, oh so likely, i am an irritant to them and they hate my guts. *dejected and horrified*
okaaaay, um that does sound a tad paranoid but it honestly makes a whole lotta sense.

recently, i recieved um, information that ought to have feel like daggers stabbing at my heart. logically, it should have been painful.

and yet it wasn't.
i take this a sign that what i feel for object that shall remain unnamed is conveniently fading away.
whee, i suppose that's a reason to celebrate!
proof that my cupid is indeed, a shameless drunkard and maybe, he doesn't need rehabilitation at all -

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

i feel like a shorn sheep.

i cut my hair.

it's short. waaaaaaay short. i like it, it feels so much lighter and yet..oh bother, i kinda miss my longER hair.

why IS hair so important for a girl? i read somewhere that during the wars, they used to cut of a woman's hair off as a form of torture. hmm. i know someone who's mother does that to her quite often. it's hell and the..pain cgoes deeper than many think.
i suppose that's why i can never be truly mean to her though i dont like her much. *shrugs*

note to self: must get some form of hat to hide bad hair days cuz nothing else will.

a bunch of words i never want to hear or write again for a looong time: effervescence of a colourless and odourless gas evolves. gas rekindles glowing splint. gas is oxygen.

i had to write that i think FOUR times in the sweltering heat in the lab. the fans were off and everybody had their bunsen burners on. i was sitting in front of one, and sweat was trickling down everybody's faces [and it wasn't because the paper was hard either]. *shudders*
well, i know for one i messed up my titration calculation but the fact that i *gasp* actually came up with some stuff is already good cuz i usually don't. and and i did this ppt test twice and came up with two different results bleaargh.

the good news is, i DIDN'T blow up the lab. *beams*

i have an announcement to make: i was LATE for school today, for the first time in my LIFE and on an exam day no less!

i was supposed to be at skule by 0720 and i woke up at 0700! it was all panicky and it turned out that charmaine too made the mistake of thinking that we only had to be there at 10.
rushrushrush...will continue 2ml.

and my 'hat'. [it's still in my room somewhere]
Posted by Hello

600 post-its approximately *beams*

GEEK-IFIED! =D check out the emath on the board lol

our DM. [im beaming out of the ridiculosity of the idea that we're taking a phot with HIM]

us and our chemistry teacher! she rawks.

Saturday, May 08, 2004

what i did today. know, i read other people's blogs that go
"uMz, thEn aT 0715:45 i mEt uP with TheM anD thEn we tOok tHe mRt and wE sAt dOwn aNd yaDda yAdda yaddA aNd wIlL n0W exPlaIn tO yOu iN gReAt pAiNfUl deTaIl eVeRy sInGlE tHiNg I dId iNcluDinG tHe pRoceSs oF iNhAlAtioN aNd exHaLaTioN aNd hOw I bLinK."

augh augh augh!! i swear, if i ever end up blogging like that, please please kill me. and make it painful; i SO deserve it.

nadalala honk yoyo had a weird dream after watching Bring It On and she told us today what it was and it left the bunch of us chortling so hard we nearly fell of the benches. ok fine, it was only me who nearly fell off.

there's this scene in the movie when this bitchy choreographer made the squad line up and critisized them one by one. to one of them, he said, "what's with the skin?? say it with me..SUNLIGHT."

so nadya dreamt she was doing the same thing except the cheerleader in question was our B'BALLER, tomboyish friend who's uh, pretty airport-ish if you get what i mean and in the said dream, she was in a BIKINI competition of all things! lol
so nadya went "what's with the skin?? say it with me..SUNLIGHT."
and then..
"and WHAT's with the chest? say it with me...BOOB JOB."

*laugh so hard she splutters on her ribena*

ok mebbe it was funnier the way she said it and seeing our friend's [who shall remain nameless for her sake lol] indignant and sulky face. she's really funny when she gets 'upset'. she scrunches her face and makes animal noises and occasionaly, she bites. today the victim was gennie but she darted away just in time *phew*
the other time, she and nadya was insulting each other AGAIN while we were studying at mcD - nad was laughing at her own wittiness and jabbing her finger in her face and she promptly bit the offending finger! nadya was abit flabberfasted for a split-second all jaw-dropped then it hit her that her teeth were firmly clamped on her finger then she started "aah!aah!aah!aah!"-ing.
oh what hilarious fun.

i have wild friends. *eville laugh*

william hung really is a media clown isnt he?
its quite painful to watch him nowadaes not because of his blatant incompetentcy but to /know/ that the media are milking him for all his short-term worth. their using him and its really ugly too watch. more ugly than hearing him speak let alone, sing!
somehow, it reminds me of how people put up imbeciles up on stage and humiliate them and the said imbecile thinks they're laughing with him when they're really laughing AT him. ouch.

may that never happen to me. omm omm.

i was channel-surfing when i came across JAG playing. so i watched it for a few minutes and felt so revulsed.
today's episode was set in Saudi Arabia revolving around the theme of *drumrolls* Islam and Women's Rights [or the lack of it].

why does it sicken me to the gut even though i DO believe that it is a situation that needs to be solved?

because a serious matter like that is being exploited on tv propoganda masquerading as a harmlessly patriotic show. it's an unfair and bias perspective on the situation, exaggerating all the Bads of the saudis and islam and the 'Goodness' and morals of the americans.

my mudder who was watching as well, didn't get why i was so pissed off. i started wondering whether i was over-reacting. tell me, is my pissy offed-ness valid?
and please, dont tell me its 'just' a tv show.

love or the diluted semblance of it is an irksome thing?

i think it is for the simple reason that it leaves you vulnerable.
i'm listening to bic runga, i lovelove her new album and of course, her voice.

her voice has this delicate beautiful quality that my description will never do justice to.

it's like the fragile crispness of an early morning when the sky is still a pale shade of lilac and the smell of the mist floating on the grass tips of an empty field hasnt been contaminated by the acrid exhaust fumes.
it's a bittersweet beauty. so pretty so pretty-
another rather short post

..its all i have time for recently.
today's my bio practical and how i dread it so. like i've said and complained before, its completely stupiak because if the bloody funicle or placenta isnt there in the friggin mushy tomato, you still draw it in.

and amazingly, i suck at this. i cannot draw scientific diagrams. my hand refuses to do so. after being nicely treated with excecuting portraits that are at least decent and such, it is horrified to be asked to draw something so emotionless and dead.
and mushy.

oh and here's another amazing thing: i remembered what a funicle and placenta is! whee me. i hope they dont make us draw a maize seed. or worse, a flower.

i cant draw in in dark defined lines Eville Bio/Bore Teacher!! i cant i cant *bawls and runs into a corner to um, bawl some more*.

do you KNOW what happens in my bio lessons? she hands out the RandomVegetation [oh gawd, i hope today's not grass or WORSE, ginger] and i try to draw it. it looks hideous and i end up erasing a lot. so, in the end we go through our bio worksheet with said Eville Teacher and she draws a nice scientific diagram and i copy it down.

*dances the i am incompetent dance*

i was brushing my teeth this morning when i remembered what inspired my short rant on burning my bras and shaving my hair off.

i was having lunch with charmaine and matthew and i was 'discussing' with her what to cut my hair into. and you /know/ what he said? "no! dont cut your hair! it's not nearly long enough!"

*glares at the entire male population*

this from the guy who calls the way i wear my hair nowadays post-war Afghanistan and quickly revised it to 'some demi-god from Hell Boy'

i am much flattered.

WHY am i even friends with him?? all he does is insult me! ah wait- i know. because i like insulting him as well. *beams*

my brother's in the living room playing with his trucks, legos and whatever boys play with. and he's making funny noises and talking to the said inanimate objects.

you know, i dont remember playing alot as a kid especially at his age [he's in P4]. ddn have much toys either i think and the ones that i did have lay in the Storeroom Under The Stairs [just like the one in harry potter =D] untouched because i couldnt be bothered to.

i think i read and stoned in front of the tv alot. maybe did a bit of cycling.

my mum said i ddn play with my toys much either when i was reaally young like when i was a toddler. according to her, i much preferred playing with her pots, banging and opening the lids etc.


i only had ONE barbie which is quite unheard of.
and i didn't treat her nicely either.

wait- compared to what charmaine treated hers like, i was a saint.
her mother bought her a reallllly expensive, Limited Edition barbie and the girl promptly took a scissors and cut the hair off!
it didn't turn out to be a short post did it?

Friday, May 07, 2004


oh no oh no. my history teacher told us that only two out of our entire class passed our papers.

now what are the chances that i am one of that two?

nil really. considering though my essay was actually considerably good, my source-base was BEYOND crap-dom.

oh gawd oh gawd i really am going to flunk my mid-years.
-blink blink-
what to do what to do??

or i could not care. i could just chiiiiill and go 'duuuude who gives a daaamn? its just the exaaams, let go and be looose'...snerk! yeah right.

as if i really wont give a damn if i end up in some old cheena jc or [perhaps] even worse, in a poly doing a course i have no interest in.
as if i really dont give a damn.

of course i do so what's wrong with me? laziness that's what. and it's even worse knowing it and being actually aware of it and stil not doing anything about it. augh augh augh -

me bad.
me bad bad bad.

me fail?
will fail fail fail.

im just confoooooooooooooooooooosed and i never know anything anymore ______________________________________________

i swear, one day i will cut my hair REAL short and bind my chest [not that there's much to bind *snort!*] just as an act of defiance to all the guys who like long haired, busty girls.

it's quite sickening really.

next thing you know, i'll be burning my bras and wearing sleevelesses without shaving.

now THT'S a big HAH.

and it's pretty ugly too. hmm.

Thursday, May 06, 2004

teen angst ahead. you have been warned.

ah crap. i dont think i want to put this one online.

shall rant in my journal with my thick red marker writing in caps.

this is horrid. things were going so fine recently. despite the stress of exams etc, so many things happened that left me beaming and once or twice, euphoric. now it seems like i've used up all my Happy Days.

oh dear.
everything's going wrong.

Wednesday, May 05, 2004

jealousy has posssibly reared its ugly, green eyed head.

i'm not sure why i find the whole situation funny but i do. and i know it's annoying when people are so ambiguously cryptic but ah well. be happy that this is a rather short annoying post *beams*
some sort of memory of memory loss

oh oh oh how terribly horridly unfair.

i had a LOT of things to blog on and have been wanting to do so for ages but haven't been able to do so cuz my mither de-moused my computer.

so now that it's back [after i caught her playing *gasp* inklink with a the computer mouseD] i've forgotten all that i wanted to say.


ah wait - here's a vague recollection of one: another successful rejection of a dyed-blonde, pierced lip, beng of a charity ticket selleroh i gloat! i gloat!

"hello, excuse me, yadda yadda yadda yadda yadda-"
"do you get paid for this?"
"yes, by the hour yadd-"
"ah, well then. no thanks."

all calmy excecuted with an absolute straight face which we know is so so difficult when he's a beng, a head and a half taller than me and had shoved his face inches away from me. wait- since he was tall, that would be his pink puremilk tee and not his face. and he smelled of cigarettes. and in the awkward angle that my neck was in [like talking to a skyscraper] i couldn't help stare at his lip ring which i grudgingly admit, looked cool AND good.

and and get this.
my friends who were 'hiding' behind me so i would do all the talking said that when i walked away, he was absolutely all "-what the hell?"
oh i win! score one! i bet he's never been treated that way by a short secondary school kid. i bet he expected me to grudgingly hand over my $2 just because he was intimidating.
hah! double hah! this is for everyone out there who have been forced to buy the bloody tickets. [again, i shall make it known of my belief that charity should not be a capitalistic thingy - it should be voluntary and not by the lure of attractive commisions and such]

it really gives me such a cheap power rush. *shivers*

i have within me, a despot all too willing to break out and make everyone bow down before me in salute - eville laugh *beams*
and hah, i'm tall enough to be *drumrolls* a Singapore Girl.

*smirk* well technically, i am already uh, a singapore girl but that is SO not the point.
though i really do not want to be one, it makes me all warm and fuzzy that yes, i qualify height-wise [and therefore, am proven normal] and here is the point: i've grown one cm.

*beams* i revel on my absolute pathetic-dom and slight obsession with my height.
today was a crappy exam day due to sadistic scheduling.
the idiots put BOTH that paper 2s of my sciences and illogically, seperated the paper 1s.


do they not realize that this means we have to cram in one and a half year's worth of work [and i last-minute study.yes, i know its wrong but yeah, well.] and that actually means *gasp* cramming THREE years worth of work into two days which honestly, is IMPOSSIBLE.

flunk i will.

strangely though, i appear very calm in tumultous times such as these.

i look like a nice docile cow grazing in a nice organic pasture but what i really feel is like i'm the cow about to be made into a greasy, patented mcD Quarter-Pounder with Cheese.

guess where i've been mugging and what i've been eating for the apst few days.

there's this boy who works at the mcD i go to and he really is amazing. he looks 14 and i call him my LEB ie. Little Efficient Boy. he's fast, actually moves with speed to fetch my stuff and is polite, perky and he calls me 'maam'! oh i adore him so.
note to self: must tell the manager [who co-incidentally, isn't as nice] to give him a raise. but geez, he really does look kiddy - suppose it constitutes as child labour?