Saturday, June 25, 2005

(obviously an half-written entry from some time back:)
it is two hours into saturday (02:06AM), and i must say, FRIDAY WAS QUITE WOAH.

as a result, i am currently very much broke. i wonder whether i can open my own charity. it's a good cause you know, kinda like the Feed Izyanti Fund and! it'll make quite a nifty acronym - FIF. everybody knows that in singapore, it's the acronym that makes or breaks you.

the tale behind this of course, is not how i'm contemplating/pondering how to uh, convince mother dearest to give me more allowance for next week. but how i became so broke:

i woke up this morning, at 06:15, five minutes before the alarm on my handphone rang and don't ask me why i'm being so meticulously detailed and anal, just shut up and listen.

with much dread, i dragged myself to switch the bloody thing off. the alarm is undoubtedly very annoying and i suppose this makes it very effective in the whole purpose of uh, waking me up but it also means! that i wake up cranky, and this, is a Bad Thing.

what is also a Bad Thing, were the lit papers that i was sitting for that morning. my mum, being ever so kind, and more importantly, paranoid that the bus might get trapped in a rift in the space-time continuum and that *gasp* i might be late for the exaaams, drove me to school. we arrived, as i predicted, VERY early, and since i had no intention to spend more time in that exam-anxiety drenched institution more than neccesary, we sat in the empty carpark for 15 whole minutes.

at this point, i'm not quite sure why i'm being so inanely detailed but yes. this is not like me *shifty eyes*

the paper came, and passed. i think i pretty much screwed up the blake essay and disturbingly! i don't recall mentioning the word "theme" even ONCE in the whole two essays that i wrote, and this is very perturbing and upsetting and i can just imagine flunking lit omg the end is nigh and all that jazz.

in a spurt of adolescent rebellion, WE DID NOT GO HOME IMMEDIATELY TO STUDY. the horror, indeed. instead, being the hedonists that we are, i actually walked around town with zaratashkai, whereby i then abandoned them with much reluctance to meet the various members of the EBS (that's the Elitist Bastards Squadron, for you stupid people out there) and an Innocent Girl Named Jill. oh and also a Guy Named Terence. who! called! me! a! minah. but because he's the Signifant Other of a person i love very muchly, i suppose i shall not kill him. it's also probably because this particular person ALSO calls me a minah. i just cannot win.

larking around in kinokuniya, is of course a Crucial Bit on outings with the madCAP/EBS. it's a significant point of our Geekhood, i think. so as per usual, there was dissing and defending of local writing, and don't we all know that's very much a circular argument.

the favourite activity of an adolescent i think, is escapism. trooping over to the travel guides section, this we did extensively. you see, after the A Levels, we've been thinking off embarking on a Quest. it would be challenging, gritty and all too unhygienic but honestly, back-packing is the answer before we settle down into the serious humdrum pattern of life. the original plan was what, to take a train up to bangkok, switch to a train going through the Silk Route, across Moscow and poof! landing up in london before taking a plane back to singapore. brilliant.

except that we conveniently forgot that travelling across several continents require oodles of MUNNEY, and i calculated that even if i save a quarter of my allowance every week, i'd only have about $600. which! is why i think i should seriously consider plugging for my own charity. as all conmen would agree, don't steal it from them, make them give it to you.

The Izyanti Needs Your Money Fund, or the INYMF. i suppose FIF (Feed Izyanti Fund) sounds much snazzier, but that would mean i'd have to add in fine print what exactly you'd be feeding. it could be my literal appetite and current fixation on Tropical Skittles, and it could also feed my growing list of art supplies needed. it could feed the Sembawang Music coffers in exchange for the Love Psychedelico cd that i've been looking for, for years. so you see, like all charities, we function by lying by omision. so now that i've been gracious enough to be brutally honest, GIVE ME YOUR MONEY.


batman begins was very good. it has cast spiderman and all of his geekiness in its dark shadow, everything was well done. i nearly cried once, and cringed terribly when ALL THAT BRILLIANT GOTHIC ARCHITECTURE BURNT DOWN TO THE GROUND. that could have been the saddest moment, ever. but! that's just me. also, post-watching the movie, i realize that i want a butler.

no, not a maid. i want a nice old man to be a yoda-like figure in my life, without being green, wrinkly and with a warped sense of syntax. because trust me, that's gonna affect my speech habits and very annoying it would be indeed, yes.

i also have to announce that Running Around In Odd And Cheesy Mascot Suit has since been scratched off my list of Things To Do Before I Die. although i would have to admit that i did not manage to do the running around bit very well, so i suppose i shall have to make another attempt at it, hoo!

in the late afternoon on friday, for (this makes me sad) approximately less than a minute, i was a huge and fuzzy droplet of haemoglobin. i think it's quite hilarious.

Things To Do Before I Die
- drive an excavator machine, and dig things with it.
- drive one of those huge field lawnmower things. (i tried to do this last saturday, but sadly was foiled because there were no keys. and yes, i can hear the sighs of relief from all of you! crud.)
- go on tv, pulling of a mad (but non-masochistic) stunt ala MTV Whatever Things!
- take part in a strike/boycott involving huge placards and angry faces. have no idea what cause i shall be Angry about though.
- travel extensively, or at least somewhere aways from *mutters* bloodysoutheastasia
- love. (edit: and be loved, in return)
- have kids. i think.
- be brave or brilliant enough (whichever comes first, i suppose) to publish something despite the clear knowledge that people out there are going to tear it apart largely on the basis that it's Local Writing.
- help put together a theatre production. and no, not as a backstage minion.
- own/drive a vintage 1967 volkswagen beetle

i think that's about it, for now. it's cliche and all, but supposing that (TOUCH WOOD) i die tomorrow, the one thing that i'd be sad about is that i've never loved in that way before.

and also that i studied all the econs for nothing.

so after i became for a moment in my life, a blob of haemoglobin and being Publicly Obnoxious by plopping ourselves down in the middle of nowhere to stone and muse in our typically EBS way, we walked back to town cos i HAD DINNER WITH THE 406 PEOPLE =D.

although i uh, got sidetracked into a burger king and took ages to rip myself away, the dinner went finey-fine/brilliant. it's just the familiar faces, and the old chemistry that we all have. the stupid jokes that we never tire of, yelling out the school song down orchard road with admirable bpghs pride, and of course, the endless camera-whoring. Good Old Times.

now that's what i call a Productive Day. spending time (cue: hallmark moment), with people you looooove. sadly, this involves the expenditure of munneh SO DONATE TO THE FEED IZYANTI FUND TO KEEP HER IN THE LOVELY COMPANY OF THOSE SHE LOVES. ALSO, THE THINGS SHE LOVES. donations will not be returned, because she would have spent it so hah!

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

william blake kills me.

and so, this is clearly yet another bout of procrastination. this entry is going to be exactly that! i'm leaving this window open, and in moments of boredom (which i suspect, will be terribly often), i'm going to type in a paragraph. THIS WILL BE SO EXCITING, like a single-person roundrobin.

i was reading one of those scholarly criticisms websites earlier on and was its a little disturbing to realize that the words are just washing over you and you have to read the sentences over and over sometimes, to grasp what they're trying to say.
here, have a go:

the Bard's vacillation within the lyric between prophecy and self-doubt mirrors an experiential evolution of the meta-voice behind Songs of Innocence and of Experience which he exemplifies, a progression which "helps us to understand why he now refers to himself as 'Ancient'." "The Voice of the Ancient Bard" 's explicit admission of its status as rhetoric undercuts its function as prophecy and implicates itself as one example of the "folly" it denounces: "At the last, the Bard sees himself aright: as guide in need of guidance, a mental traveller whose prophetic certainty and optimism has been so undermined that 'care' threatens to be his only knowledge."

and it's one of those nice and mildly cool nights and suddenly right, i miss CAP alot. a wave of it, because it reminds me of the nights at Eusoff Hall. very dark, with all the red bricks, which i just realized, is identical to the ones used in my hdb flat. it's really quite vague, but what i do see is shuffling down the stairs after JCDrama, kinda zonked.

and then i saw my pair of (unused) house slippers lying around, and it reminded of 406 days when i shuffled around in class in them because i found my school shoes really stiffling and my mum hated my walking in class with my bare socks because they'd get grimy. so she bought me these grey house slippers and what was wonderful that i didn't feel odd at all wearing them in class. the point here is that i'd never do that in cjc.

and Frente's Bizarre Love Triangle is the song for infatuation.

and the printer has konked out on me again. this time however, it's not doing the irritating Blinking Light Morse Code. oh no, nasty plastic lump is doing the Silent Treatment. which i'm

(and i just sneezed. bless me.)

and clearly, i have a short attention span.

in a burst of morbidity, i am going through this site by a coroner and it's really interesting. like did you know, that the fastest way to get the cadaver's temperature is of course the rectal way. but to be more accurate, they insert a thermometer from an incision on the side into the LIVER. this is great man, not only am i dead, but i have people probing my body with funny sticks! NO WAY. this might be one of the top reasons why i would want to die in au naturale, so that they won't see any reason for me to have to go through an autopsy.

also, "Medical Examiners always make the "down cut" to the left of the belly button when making a Y incision at autopsy. This is done because there is a leftover tendon on the right side from the ambilical cord. They won't cut it to show respect for the way we are born."

also, "the human nose is so fragile that morgue attendants and morticians pinch-up the sheet over the nose. This is done because the pressure of the material on the nose can deform it, flattening or turning it sideways." this implies of course, that MICHAEL JACKSON is not a sick pervert who miraculously got acquited, but that he is even beyond our usual speculations of being unhuman. HE IS A ZOMBIE. it makes complete logical sense, that's why his nose behaves so strangely - it's coming to terms with being ded.

i realized that i have recently been very anal (and no, nothing to do with thermometers and such) in the sense that i have been reaping much pleasure (and man, this really just sounds so wrong) from being neat. when did this dawn on me? when i looked at the notes that i've been writing and feel happy that it's all methodically bulleted and uh, colour co-ordinated. and then in another bout of procrastination, i organized my wardrobe and uh, arranged all my hanging clothes according to COLOUR so that now when you open my wardrobe, it's nicely in a gradient of various shades. and looking at it made me so very HAPPY.

this is quite a cause for concern! because now that i think of it, the other day, i bought my current favourite candy, Tropical Skittles, emptied it into this bowl and with much glee, proceeded to seperate the candy by colour so that it kind of became a pie chart, and then i ate it by colour too. hmm. of course, if i tell my mom about my recent fixation with such anal details, she'd laugh her arse off which! i can't really blame her for, considering the dire state of my room.

here's a nice trip down Nostalgia Lane:! i was going to plug in specifically to nadya huang yanyan, then i realized i got it off her friend's blog, so she's probably already seen it, poop. the point is! seseme's street were good times. before elmo monopolized everything - like who made THAT decision huh. old school muppets were awesome, and the animation was always brilliant and cool, even then. the lovely thing was that it can be so poignant sometimes and there are still many images/skits that are still stuck in my head.

Lovely Things I Remember About Seseme's Street:
- the scene where Oscar the Grouch married, and they were both very cranky and Maria cried. and the bride (i forgot her name, but she was green and furry too) had cold feet, and it was just hilariously beautiful when after the wedding was done, people threw pieces of garbage at them instead of flowers.

- then there was this skit with gordon (this bald black guy) just jogging around new york but it was beautiful because of firstly, the camera-work and secondly, the SOUNDTRACK. i can't remember it now, but i'm sure it must have been good if i can still remember the scene that is seemingly static.

- and the LATINO FLAMINGO seranading maria with opera, below her balcony.

- the parody of cyndi lauper's "girls just wanna have fun" about uh, cereal

- and oh oh! i LOVE this one. it was a short feature about kids going to the beach and building AWESOME sandcastles and everything about it in retrospect, is so poignant from the girl doing the voice-overs and the (rather sad and cold) beach. i still think of this feature everytime i'm at the beach.

thinking about it now, i would want the dvd set of seseme's street. but only the late 80s-early 90s seasons though, because after that it was all crud. maybe because i didn't like the new interpretation of characters *eew elmo* or the INTRODUCTION of new characters. or maybe, i just grew up.

it's 7.17AM, and i have effectively been online for 6 hours 47 minutes, yawned 5 times, scoffed at three supposed lit essays, alarmed how i never noticed the disturbingly strong sexual connotations in a seemingly innocent poem and also, re-read three and a half chapters of DracoSinister.

it's quite a misty morning, and really pretty.

Sunday, June 19, 2005


cue: melodramatic music
My Life, So Far.

Charmaine Lee Yun Hua, Best Friend and Companion Goof-off.

Genevieve Antono, She Who's Going Canada, far far far awaaaay. Great Friends, since 1998.

Lim Yeu Ai, Class Chairperson. Oft cranky. Can be hilariously and unexpectedly lame and yes, strange. Clearly, this is not one of those moments *nods*

Nutty Times, pt.I

Nutty Times, pt.II

Haitian Voodoo, the BPGHS interpretation. What possibly made RMUN bearable (for us), and damn, alotta pricked fingers went into making that stuffed thing. Good times *beams*

Public Humiliation, and Shame! (with AINI AZIDAH, fellow Distant-Farter.) cuh-razee times in the Art Room and (did we do much?), in photography.

Days of Vanity, and going out for the sake of Dressing Up! 'twas lovely, even if it meant that our class(girls) were constantly the dressiest but like omg, we looked good. maaan, have not been a bimbo for so long, since well, CJC. *wails* what has JC life done to me!

simply because i couldn't believe (then), that i was taking a picture with the DM, Tiger Tan Hak Soon, the person who kinda wasted as much of my time, as i did his. nice man, really but nnngh! the cause of much school-related angst because he was the Agent of Herr Hitler aka The True Eville One aka School Principal.

no, Dressing Up-ness does not negate Inherent Nuttiness. we're macadamias, through and through.

...more dressing up, kinda. but hey, at least this production (Woman in Black) was worth going for unlike some stupid school production *coughramayanacough*. and and! it doesn't look like it, but some of us here, are TERRIBLY sunburnt after cleverly spending SEVEN HOURS under the sentosa sun, with no sunblock. i think the rays must have fried our brains.

A Trip To Sentosa (where this time, WE BROUGHT SUNBLOCK). also, a tribute to the defunct monorail, also scarying elderly japanese tourists. also, Finding Our Way Back To The Group Via A Mobile Obstacle Course kiddies, don't try this at home. it's very, dange-lous. (but wait, kids don't have monorails at homes. or do they?)

the abused friend.

because this is sadly, the only decent photo i have of CAP03. 5 days spent, making friends WHO ARE STILL MY FRIENDS TODAY and like whoa, i think that's muchos the awesome. also, very significant because it's the precedent for! CAP05, of course.

where i met! My Favourite PJC Person (alliteration!), Janice. testicles and cockroach love.

(hazri sleeping, when he's not supposed to. everybody knows that sleep time is reserved for plenaries/lectures! duh.) and like, check out my photo-fiddling skills -


doodling yay! the other plenary-activity, once your neck aches too badly from awkward sleeping positions in awkward and stupid chairs. it also distracts you from having to listen to the occasional asinine and insipid speaker. THIS IS A GOOD THING, because it prevents you from throwing solid objects in their direction.

My Favourite Civil Servant! Ms. Lorraine Tham aka thamtham aka Thammie aka Thamster

The Intellectual Writing That We Pretentious Writers Do *snigger*

JC Drama. i think it was just, whoa. from the initial lack of direction and much frustration/angst to the Final Thing, that we actually pulled off.

CAP': where we, as the ElitistBastardSquadron, fully exhausted this year's almost-accidental Teeniegoth and Emokid themes.

i am happy, in this early morning hour. because firstly, i just watched Bubbleboy, and it's just a really nicely executed, heart-warming tale that stars My Favourite Geek, Jake Gylenhaal. also, because flipping through the pictures, i just realize that i miss everybody and that you know, i kinda love everybody and am glad to have them in my lives.

so! i am full of hollywood and nostalgia-created endorphins, and in my books, that;s always a good thing.

Friday, June 10, 2005

look kiddies, it's me again.

i've noticed that i always seem to blog more post-CAP, and it's not just the silly memes either. so! i was skimming through alfian saat's blog ( and came across and entry when he kinda addressed the issue of being malay and well, tokenism. if that's even a proper word! but not quite the point here -

there are times when the euphoria(?) of getting selected for a programme becomes marred by the notion that perhaps, i was selected because i'm malay and doesn't this country just loves being multi-racial. that i am there not simply for merit, but because it would be in accordance to this need to ensure cultural diversity. it's quite a disturbing thought and you know, it's always been a niggling whisper that i just cannot ignore. i don't even want to go into discussion about the selection process for CAP because it seems rather screwed and very much confusing and as janice probably aptly pointed out, might be something of a drinking game. it's one of life's greatest mysteries.

but then there are clear cases which in retrospect, are quite perturbing. okay fine, i exaggerate - it's only ONE case, and even then, may simply be a product of my paranoia. i got selected (among a few others) for pre-u sem without even going for any of the selection interviews. i always found this rather strange that the teacher picked me because at that time, i wasn't being very vocal in class. but, whatever, i felt, it's a plan B in case my application for CAP doesn't pull through. then the teacher approached me and asked, "How's your malay, izyanti?"

"um, it's all right i suppose."

"what did you get for your O Levels?"


"oh that's good. you'll be speaking to the media for pre-u sem -"

"- in malay?? whoa wait - i can't do CONVERSATIONAL MALAY,"

"well, you'll have quite a lot of time to brush up on it then!"

admittedly, the above is *slightly* embellished because this conversation happened what, more than 2 months ago. the point is, i think a huge part of the reason why i got picked is because i represented a minority race and it would be simply too perfect to show that yes, minority races also take part in huge government-aided events such as this! the perfect picture of the singaporean society, i suppose.

do i mind having my race being part of the selection criteria, even if a) it wasn't absolutely intentional b) i suppose it's a form of "positive" discrimination?

yes, i do. i don't want to be a token malay! there simply because it reflects well on the organizers or our society. i'm not saying that i got picked solely for being malay because i'm quite sure that uh, some of my merit was taken into consideration because otherwise, it would be simply ridiculous; and i'm quite sure this rationale follows through in cases for other people as well. it's just that, if i had my idealistic way, this whole race issue wouldn't even be part of it, that's all.

i remember during the opening ceremony for CAP'04, alfian saat was the guest speaker. hazri was there too, and people kept saying things along the line of "omg hazri, you're the next alfian saat", and he got pretty annoyed. i'm not quite sure myself what was the root cause of his bristliness at this comparison since i never got around to asking him and besides, he's probably forgotten by now. i'm just very anal and remember stupid stuff like this. what I think he got so bristly about was that people made the comparisons on the basis that:
a) he's a malay male
b) who writes english poetry
and wow, isn't that exactly like alfian saat. ergo, you are the Next Big Thing.

i guess i'm just lucky there haven't been any prominent malay female english prose-writers.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

I MUST STOP TAKING QUIZES AS A METHOD OF PROCRASTINATION. but you should try this anyway, www. it's rather strange, and took me by mild surprise so it could be entirely accurate, or absolute crud.

Your Existing Situation
Persistent. Demands what she feels to be her due and endeavors to maintain her position intact.

Your Stress Sources
Has an unsatisfied need to ally herself with others whose standards are as high as her own, and to stand out from the herd. This desire for preeminence isolates her and inhibits her readiness to give herself freely. While she wants to surrender and let herself go, she regards this as a weakness which must be resisted. This self-restraint, she feels, will lift her above the rank and file and ensure recognition as a unique and distinctive personality.

okaaaaaay. why am i inhibited again? i don't get this bit.

Your Restrained Characteristics
Demanding and particular in her relations with her partner or those close to her. but careful to avoid open conflict since this might reduce her prospects of realizing her hopes and ideas.
Conditions are such that she will not let herself become intimately involved without making mental reservations.

Your Desired Objective
Seeks affectionate, satisfying and harmonious relationships. Desires an intimate union, in which there is a love, self-sacrifice and mutual trust.


Your Actual Problem
Wants to be valued and respected, and seeks this from a close and peaceful association of mutual esteem.

and this is a problem because *shifty eyed*

at this point, i am very much confused. I NEED SELF-ACTUALIZATION AND LOTS OF NAVEL-GAZING ANGST. stupid quiz, i shouldn't have bothered taking it, i am now very much shaken on what exactly *gasp* is my identity. shock shock horror,

!! who am i !!

Monday, June 06, 2005

right i absolutely should not be blogging right now. as expected, my mugging stint at charmaine's has been rather inefficient but hey - I TRIED.

so in a moment of fidgety boredom (econs just does that to you), i picked up the style issue of Juice and me, being a partial bimbo, have always found rather interesting. what got me pissed though, as i flipped through it, was how label-conscious everybody was! it bothers me that your style/street cred is defined by the brand that you're wearing like check me out, i'm wearing bathing ape/diesel/NIKE. i am so cool. I CANNOT STAND IT, AND THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE UNDERGROUND CULTURE IN SINGAPORE. tell me, how different is it from mainstream elitism!

it's a whole new dimension of haute couture and what an entire waste of social consciousness it is. i do get how they want to be different and it is great that these labels offer something that to some degree, is not mass-produced. i understand that absolutely, but what i find irksome is that it is all very pretentious when the level of your "coolness" is defined by how exclusive (read: expensive) your stupid t-shirt is! it's great that what you're wearing is edgy and is a oh i don't know, displays your identity but really, you have to agree that it gets rather ridiculous.

do you see my point.

it is very irritating when people pride themselves for being edgy and non-mainstream for not wearing mainstream stuff, but when in fact, in attitude, they are just as elitist as the paris hilton clone in her burberry mini-skirt.

the question that i have to ask now of course, is am i one myself? obviously not the paris hilton clone or someone just shoot me DED. i suppose i do practice a form of elitism (HAHA) and the only thing stopping me from becoming the people that i have just slammed is the lack of moolah. hahahahahahahaha i laugh at my own hypocrisy - it is just so easy to be sucked into playing the social heirachy without even knowing it. just for your amusement, dear readers, i'm wearing a giordano top and jeans by that brand endorsed by *gasp* F4. so i don't know how elitist i am myself, but i suppose today is one of those days i lapse.


charmaine says: *hands up* i admit that i'm a leeeeteeel brand conscious, but maaaaan, to me, spending $1000 on a pair of limited edition jeans is just what a not very bright person with loads of ka-ching would do. Obscure limited edition clothing does not upp your coolness factor, people. And what's with surfwear?! nyeeeah! Its everywhere! It's like this contagious disease which is spreading its tentacles through the ah bengs and the i-wanna-be-cool people. Beware, Ah bengs are currently very clevely cameoflaged under all the quiksilver and ripcurl surfwear brands. Surfwear is taking over the world!! HELP!!! Mmaky. Time for me to shut up. I'm babbling after the over-taxing of my brain through the studying of econs.
for some reason, post-cap, i find myself doing a good many memes. i don't know why, but i suppose it is to keep up the um, degree of community-ish feelings and COCKROACH LOVE. so here it goes!

(from jaaaaanice)
List your current six favorite songs, then pick six other people that have to do the same.

1. green eyes, coldplay
this song reminds me of ginny/harry and it's just so beautiful poignant earnest, and that's how i usually like my songs to be. so gorgeous.

2. the irish keep gate-crashing, the thrills
because i've been looking for this song for eoooooons and i finally had it sent to me yesterday so my love for that person has muchly increased. this was the song that got me hooked on the thrills and the vibe of this band right, it reminds me of days out with charmaine and matthew so yes.

3. under the gun, the killers
because i listened to the killers while mugging for the O levels, and you would think that would bring back the traumatic experience that it was but nope. it reminds me of shivery days in Woodlands Library, sneaking food under the desk, throwing candy over the carrel walls and surviving on mcdonald's tea and cheap junk. i also miss all our mugging buddies and even yeu ai's droopy red converse pullover.
also! it's one of the few the killer's songs that have not been contaminated by mainstream airwaves - at least, i think so. if it has, don't tell me please. i shudder at the thought of OC fans fangirling the killers (and the thrills) *dies*

4. somewhere out there, disney
because An American Tale was one of the ultimate disney movies that i loved and i used to watch it so manymanymany times when i was a kid. i love the fact that watching it now, i realize it has many satirical points and well, they just don't make disney flicks like they used to.

5. memories/telescope eyes/blackened crown, eisley
because i can't make up my mine *sad* it's just very lovely and angsty enough without making you want to slit your wrist. again, gorgeous vocals and an interesting sound. and no, i have not attached any memories to them yet.

6. gravity, bic runga
i love this singer with all my music whore-ness, and i never tired of this song. it's a simplicity and cleaness that the musical arrangement and the vocals in this one that makes me happily calm, i don't know. what would this song remind me of? strolling down a NON-CROWDED orchard road with a good friend, on a cool and slightly cloudy day. or, in the slow euphoria of a crush *coughainiyouknowwhocough*

mmkay i am passing the baton to --
nadya + dhaniah + aini + gennie + matthew (because i still have no idea what music you like) + zara.

also! i will be setting up an LJ solely for music whoring purposes, SO DON'T STRIKE ME DOWN WITH A MIGHTY BOLT OF LIGHTNING O BLOGSPOT POWERS-THAT-BE. meep.

#EDIT: (sigh)

Sunday, June 05, 2005

1. iz! (go turn your head upside-down, it says the same thing like, HOW COOL IS THAT)
2. izy (i don't quite like this one but people persist and i must appease my fans yes.)
3. izyanti and all the mispronounciations that came of it.

1. zombiefied
2. iz
3. - (because i am terribly boring)

1. my sticky-outy elbows because it reminds me of hilariously lovely days of the Covelently-Bonded Sisterhood
2. i like my butt. 'nuff said.
3. mu huge beam-ish smile because it makes me happy.

1. my nose because it's undefined and
2. my toes are kinda strange
3. my hair because currently, i can't quite decide what to do with it.

1. malay
2. chinese (grandma)
3. i unno pretentious pseudo english-oriented because that's my main functioning mode?

1. not being brilliant and disappointing people
2. having my friendships turn superficial and fake
3. failure

1. a notebook and pen to doodle with
2. my zen micro (although it's having an inferiority complex recently after spending 5 days with iPodPhotos)
3. sleep.

1. candy! recently, blue packet skittles
2. good movies (wait can i really live without them i unno)
3. GP.

1. bp shorts with a white acrylic paint smudge from the art room
2. bp blouse with this funny orange stain from the chem lab
3. uhh underwear.

2. bic runga
3. skin

1. Comfort of strangers, skin
2. fly me to the moooon, diana krall
3. plug in baby, muse

1. humour
2. honesty
3. love.

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
1. i miss everyone
2. i've started mugging
3. i love it at cjc.
note: their more like half-lies and half-truths hmm

1. ncc/ns uniforms. they still do it for me hoohoohoo
2. hands, strong-looking ones. i once stared at this random guy's hands because ok this sounds really pervy and i will shut up now.
3. cheekbones - as opposed to none?? k that's just dumb. i'm just a sucker for beautiful people. *coughdoriangraycough*

1. finding awesome books to love and dedicate my soul to
2. finding awesome bands/music to love and dedicate my soul to
3. infatuation.

1. pre-dawn thursday morning in all of its delirium
2. for hazri to sms back so we can confirm tuesday's activities HAZRI ARE YOU READING THIS (aha he just did yay)
3. meet up with everybody i miss although this is verily impossible and i hate that this is so difficult. people i want to meet up with: CHARMAINE GENNIE NADALALA JEANIE VINCENT BERN ELITISTBASTARDSQUADRON DHANIAH SIEW CHING ZARA TASH, LISTEN IZ WANTS YOU!

1. journalism but i killed this idea ded because i can't stand people editting my writing or having people force me to write things i don't want to
2. writing, but only what and when i want. which means i have to be a tai-tai.
3. i know this kinda overlaps the above, but i really want to do something with design that incorporates my writing or people's writing i don't know. it's all very vague but i would adore doing graphic design/illustration.

1. anywhere with a beautiful beach = serene azure crystal water powdery white sand with no irritating micro-creatures that nibble on you in the water.
2. europe because i want to go to paris and fall in love and visit the louvre, and do all the shakespeare fangirl thing, and listen to people with funny accents
3. i dont' know, anywhere that's not malaysia because that's all i have been too and it's quite sad i know don't laugh.

1. Azura
2. can't decide
3. still can't decide.

1. create something brilliant and **NEW**
2. requited love
3. experience the whole range of emotions that a human possibly can, i think.

1. i don't mind insects. i don't like cockroaches because i have been brainwashed to consider them unhygienic but yeah, that's it really.
2. i loath pink but then again, pseudopunksters like pink too so i don't know
3. i don't comb my hair.

1. i am very very susceptible to infatuation and can be easily reduced to an overwhelming onslaught of endorphins over the most inane things. it's lovely.
2. terribly insecure over the most stupid things and get jealous very easily and am possesive/protective, kinda, over the people i love.
3. i find squishy+slimy creatures so aesthetically offensive that i physically spasm in disgust. especially snails, and their Eville cousins, leaches.

3. cassandra claire's draco - even though he's not real and without a definite face. he is just so beautiful.

1. gennie (because i want to do everything with you before you go canada *WAAAILS*)
2. vincent! because this will drastically change his blogging-frequency statistics
3. siew ching! because i know you sekritly love these mindless memes, don't deny it
The Chronicles of Cockroach Love (the highest form of love).

i return from a five-day sojourn into the realm of pretentious writing and elitism, and the first thing that i want to say is I LOVE JANICE MATTHEW AND HAZRI, and i miss all of us already. i can very eaily say that cap this year was absolutely different from cap03, less nuttier somehow. but you know, thanking my flawed memory and this early morning, it's even easier to say that it was absolutely awesome. yes, the plenaries were generally traumatic, ranging from the irritating and bristling to the merely boring, with the occasional interesting speaker. same for the workshops.

but you know, cap has always been about the people. and as much as i do feel guilty for being so clique-ish, it was satisfyingly fun to be able to crap around with people whom you already click with, rather than awkward socializing and half-baked friendships. i love them dearly *melodrama* and it's very smugly satisfying that we managed to beat the khalwat patrol and all bunked in matthew's for bizarre/deep conversations about love god religion and as the night wore on and sleep deprivation caused much delirium and an increase in usage of profanities, sex and all things perverse. like florophilia, cockroach love and broccoli orgies.

hilariously, brendan and matthew's parody of teeniegoth, became the focal point of CAP. at first, it was just a private joke but after the poetry slam oh my giddy god trousers! after the hysterical laughter subsided, people were reportedly quoting and pouring over the CRUD that they had written. so funny so funny - there's even this guy who has a line of Theatrical Terror as his msn nick! you've got to hand it to brendan and matthew - they have reached new heights of CAPdom hoohoo. the absolutely amusing thing about this whole teeniegoth parody during the poetry slam is of course the other participants (i would say kids, but must be nice and all) read out theirs and it's actual authentic teeniegoth! i laugh of course, partly because i know that i used to write teeniegoth poetry and have only stopped because i REFUSE to write poetry. be thankful everybody.

and jc drama! now that was an intense rollercoaster. it started of quite bad actually, a lot of stalemates and it all felt very static. i know people like matthew and myself put alot of pressure on ourselves and i suppose, took it too seriously but that's because i honestly wanted to do something to the standard of cap03's jc drama which was the Awesome. somehow though, and i'm not quite sure when and how, we pulled it off and all our random images kinda gelled and it was just so beautiful and intense and i really wish someone had video-ed it because to describe it would do no justice to the sensuality and intensity that was achieved. the thing of course is that if the audience was discerning enough to actually poke through, they'd realize that the whole thing was not very coherent at all but hoo! they did not, and general sentiment says that they muchly loved it.

if only cjcdrama was nearly as good. to digress a little, it must be pretty bad here at cjc considering that we managed to come up with something in THREE days and i honestly think, not to be offensive, cjc drama never could. of course, it's largely because we also don't have natalie hennedige (i.e. director of The Necessary Stage aiee), but from my three months in cjcdrama, there's a lack of serious passion to bring a message to the audience. i don't know, that's how i feel.

i also finally experienced the notoriously bad cap food. for five days, i went around with a stomach that chronically felt hollow and also! shat with much more regularity, but not in a good healthy bowel system way, if you see my point. somehow though, all the stomach pains would hit midway through a plenary which then becomes a convenient escape! if you think that i'm exagerrating and that surely, the moe would not *gasp* mistreat us so badly, i tell you this and mark it well! today as i was changing in school out of uniform, i went through a moment of shock and horror because my jeans felt much too tight and um quite difficult to button. "how can it be! i can't have gained weight over cap, that goes against the laws of quantum physics!", and then i realized that they were my 14 YEAR OLD SISTER's jeans (because we have the same pair). the pointy-point of this story is that i lost enough weight to get into a pair of jeans that i previously could not even zip. so the moral of the story here kiddies is that don't bother with the Atkin's diet and signing up for all those "slimming spas". just go for cap and experience the food, and watch all the inches glide of you! side effects may include loss of appetite and shitting cramps.

indeedy. i love cap verily and i will conveniently forget all the not-so-fun moments. i love our Elitist Bastards Squadron, the doodling and the delirous early mornings, where my ditzy alter-ego makes her present known. apparently, i put on this strange accent and just um, make no sense.

cap has gone and passed, and now i have nothing to look forward to and life will just be very very bad and i would find myself a cave to be a reclusive hermit but that would mean i wouldn't be able to for the reunions so i can't. also, no tv and i don't want to miss my indonesion soap opera.