Sunday, November 30, 2003

the byooty of procrastination

i do not think it is very conceited of me to proclaim that i am the master [mistress does NOT sound good] of procrastination.
so there.

let's explain in detail how procrastination occurs and the byooty and joy that come with it.
procrastination is seeing a pile of homework or whatever staring [glaring, more like] right at you, calling and beseeching you to just move your arse and get it done.
but you dont.
so you sit there, wasting time doing nothing at all in complete bliss that chosen ignorence provides

it calls out to you again and again and again for the next few days, weeks, months..and you still dont. gawd! what a sense of power!!

....then, finally....
you move your arse.
you sit down and do whatever you have to do and there's just this energy about it..they mysticism of 'last-minute rituals' and it is absofuckingly fantastic! cuz hey, i do GREAT last minute work.
when i have all the time in the world [which is not often but there ARE times] i ponder about the bloody thing do much, obsess over the little stuff and just ruin the whole friggin' thing.
the last time i had a last minute magic moment was the eve of teacher's day when i stayed up till 3 am struggling with corrugated cardboard, newspaper and wires that were bent upon poking every digit that i owned to create a number of collage cards whichi have to say, were pretty good. heheh.

let procrastination reign forever!!!

the teachers who deserve a beach house at bintan for their retirement

..this entry is dedicated to all the teachers who have at some point or other done un-teacherly stuff [read: been nice to

Saturday, November 29, 2003

wiNky here speaking

today, i was a house elf. my clothes were splattered with batter and traces of unknown spices and i was splattered by hot oil thrice. i vacuumed, swept, carried, polished the walls, weave carpets, washed laundry by the river nearby.
ok. so i mite be exaggerating. but hardly!

..surprisingly tho, amongts the many awkward moments, there were times that were truly enjoyable. but SHORT, BRIEF moments...of mainly marshmallow toasting and hiding in my room wif my cousins and blasting my nickleback cd.

it seems weird tho that i find all this social events hugely disconcerting and uncomfortable. it sucketh the most when ur sitting there with all your relatives interogatting you on your
a) exam results. in which u either tell them the truth that u did horrible and they shaddup OR u lie betwn ur teeth and say u did well. they smile, self-satisfied as if their presence in your life had an impact in your exam results.
b) whose house you visited earlier. for this Q, the easiest way out is to say 'nah, we were from home'. in the worst situati0n where you say u wnet to so-and-so's house, they ACTUALLY get offended by the fact that you visited them 2nd and start GRUMBLING!
c)school life. this is by far, the most common- so they def throw this out when they for some reason want to start a convo. why ppl, WHY??? it's so deadly boring. do you REALLI wna noe abt me and the causes of my detention? or the fact that the DM constantly threatens me wif suspension? or that i freq take a snooze durinf lesson?
*well, mebbe i shud one dae. they'll probab faint from shock and peace will reign once more.

and you know what comment i find the most upsetting???

"my, you sure have grown!!"

hah. i have NOT grown a millimeter since last year when you last saw me and if you're saying grown as in horizontally, thank you veru much for noticing my wider girdth.

i hate socialising with ppl im not comfortable with. to borrow from bern, it makes me *twitch*. i hate it!!!! argh! this is my house. it's meant for us 5 ppl ONLY! especially when i see you for wad, once a year?? i dont appreciate having to make a HEE-UGE effort making the house decent for guests.
bah, humbug.

and i do NOT like being obligated to visit other ppl i hardly noe, sitting there listning to their convo and eating the same food that's at EVERBODY else's house!!! i do not like facing the anxiety that comes when i freak out abt having to be in a crowd of ppl i hardly noe, making fake civil convoz just to fill up space.

i am a complete misantrope when it comes to forced socialising.

again, strangely tho..the moment the guests arrive or in the situation wen im the guest, i immediately, sub-consciously plaster a smile on and a saccharine 'im interested in whatver you have to say' voice. ::::::::scary::::::::::

Friday, November 28, 2003

a weird dream i had.

i dorn haf nightmares. i have psycho thrillers that prickle the hair of my nape. it always includes this feeling of somebody watching me or someTHING hiding around the corner waiting to grab me and drag me to the underworld of some sorts.
my latest psychotoc one was situated late evening [8-ish] and at other times [11-ish]. i ws lost wandering around some HDB estate...realli shady and the infrastructure looked like something that was creathed when Seuss and Dali collaborated. geez. that was quite enuff to freak me out, thank you very much.
and there were all this cats and construction workers with dead faces...and when i looked back, i saw this hEAD, just the head lying on the void deck and it was staring at me....brr
and i dunnoe, there's ALWAYS this recurring scene in my psycho dreams.. of this twisted MRT line that's designed more like a rollercoster wif skewy tracks that also FREAKS me out...
oh ya.
then, there were flashes during the dream of someone suffocating.
and in another ep of the dream rite, i was bak in my pri skule and somehow i sensed that there was gna be an earthquake so i tried to warn them but obv and expectedly, nobirdee wud listen! and the funny thing was, everbody was jittery and fidgety from the electrical current [????] caused by the impending quake...


blood is unfortunately thicker than bloody water

i cant go on saturday fer the reunion.
because coincidentally, it's my brudder's birfdae! pfft. and he had to conveniently wanted a a whole big shindig family gathering bbq. why cant he juzt want a simple dinner like we alll have for OUR birfdaes?? hah, i noe why. that brudder of mine cunningly planned it all so that he'll receive more prezzies! that sly arse.

Thursday, November 27, 2003

does this suck? i can *sob* take the truth

i'm alone
and it feels all right
it feels perfectly fine
being alone

i can hear myself breathe
my heart beat
to the music
that i only can hear

this is my sanctuary
away from reality
harsh. and loud.
it overwhelms

this is my cocoon
where it's easier to breathe
easier to live
and just to be

i'm alone
and it's ok
all is right
in isolation

i may be alone
but here,
with myself
i am complete

[how? ...doink. wait, here's anoder one]

she is nothing
she has nothing
a hollow husk
an empty shell

her soul has died
her spirit's gone
yes, she breathes
but she feels no more

her heary is still
it's beat has ceased
a hollow husk
an empty shell

and that, is what she is

[--wait, lemme hand you the bucket to puke in]

i hate waiting.

what is the bloody friggin problem wif my friendster??? why is it taking so long to just bloody load?????

i hate waiting.
i absofuckingly cannot stand it.
especially if i took effort to be unsually on time and THEIR late.
sadly, 10 min is my limit. hey, even my bestest best fren oni gets 15

i hate waiting!!!!!!!!!

oh bloody hell

..uh, portfolio?
due dec 13, yeaaaaarrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
i have nothing! nada!

and ironically, i think going to CAP has done the opposite fer me. instead of being inspired and creative juiced-up, i tink it has killed whatever writing ability that ppl suspected i had. cuz being there only managed to CONFIRM that yes, iz u are a bloody friggin idiot in all of it's literal sense
all i write is bloody friggin' angsty, shallow, superficial CRAP and and i honestlt tink that being at CAP onli confirmed it!!!

::panic attack::

..wait. it jus t occured to me that i am NOT making sense and that by publishing this would only make it public that i am a highly unstable, neurotic and whiny idiot.


oh well, i suppose the world has to learn the truth about me sooner or later

Monday, November 24, 2003

i have no time!!!!!
ppl are living on grandfudder clocks that are going *dong!dong!dong!*
i'm living in one wif cheap alarm clocks that go *teeteeetteeeteeeeteeeeet!!!!*

anyways, im feeling cleansed and purified!!!!!
i am serene!!!!!!
wait, is serenity supposed to be quiet? exclamation marks??

Sunday, November 23, 2003's oh-ver...*whinywhinysobsob*

..bleargh, 5am and online wearing my mudder's Harry Potter-ish glasses cuz im too lazy to go up and get mine.

i had very nice cheesecake just now, yum. can someone tell me weder cheesecake has ACTUAL cheese in it?

haiz. im depressed. *the audience groans*
what? yet again????

well yeah, duh. CAP is in my past!!
lupinly tho, it's probably the best thing that happened to me this year tho its facing a stiff competition from my close encounter wif the GoldenDeer costume in june. i'll miss you guys loads...
andrea: slash!! tho i still haven aquired a taste fer it, i now think its on the funny side rather then goosebump-raising side. yay for you!!! thanks for the sarcasm that's olwaes spilling out of ur mouth **cosmic dust**
bern: great-great grandson!! aha, free magazines galore!! i tink i shud write to their editors and thank them as well fer including THAT article for insecure guys and their [ahem] appendages. you rock GG'grandson.
matt: 3 years in the same sklule huh, and these 5 days have still been the best in the in the [uh, whats 365x3?] days. will it be THAT bad to keep in the whoop-de-doo attitude when skule re-opens? it's horridly amusing, thanks for the cab ride!!! i lurve half-free stuff
Kass: swishy hair girl!! well yeah, it's true. thanks for acting as me *shudder*. wod a horrid task..but i tink you did a pretti good job!
Vince: KornY is in my room tokking to himself. geez- i ddn noe he was that psycho. this one is anoder friend i made through the glory of free magazines and he is weird. but that suits me and the whole world just fine. right mummy? i think he's been traumatized by truth/dare...-oh im sorry, i mean dare/dare *eville laugh*
virginia:...mooving to iowa...haiz. well, ...

mudder screaming
to be cont'd...