Oh and I saw this piece of spray paint vandalism* at my void deck today! It said: IAN SIMIAN

I think that would be a pretty cool name for a band, if I had one. But no, I tried guitar hero for like 10 seconds yesterday and totally crashed.


*difference between vandalism and graffiti? Its vandalism if its ugly LOL

Some times I think I am too soft. That I feel too much for people, you know? Once I really get into it, it does become obvious that I've been doing this for the whole of my life, caring too easily for loved ones who (not unfairly), do not necessarily reciprocate to the same degree. Or so I perceive. I could make a long list of people I care for or rather, I care for more than they do for me. My response to this is alternately stoic and resentful.

But because I don't want to be a drama queen (which is only allowed to manifest itself on this blog HAHA), I don't mention to anyone the occasionally negative and needy feelings I harbour, and this self-restraint means I keep an emotional distance: I'll be here for you whenever you need me, but I won't tell you when I need you which is crazy, and even crazier because it stems solely from me not wanting to inconvenience people.

And I think its come to the point that even if someone was to come around willing to listen to all my petty and irrational grouses, I won't even know how to do it anymore. I would just feel so uncomfortable sharing now.

I need to become harder, in the sense of not feeling so bad when I (mistakenly or not) feel alone. Also I need to stop falling so easily into non-platonic emotional conundrums because um, looking at my track record, its annoying how the lows always last so much longer than the highs and its crazy how often I do this to myself. I mean, why?

Why should I love?

You tell me. I really can't find much satisfaction in the feeble optimism that my brain feeds me at the moment.

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Jump in for pictures from an awesome fake actionsampler and a holga mistake! :D
Also this is the second time I sent the film for normal processing and this time round, I really like the softer colours. Think I'll be giving cross-processing a break for awhile ha


Holga film: Kodak Porta 160

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Not sure whether its the scanning that's off or my camera that's doing this abrupt framing. Shall investigate! These happens to be my mum's favourite flowers and currently, the prettiest bit of our balcony.

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Scanned, greyscaled and inversed! See the overlapping? Yup that's cos I forgot I was using the 12-shot mask and not the 16 -.-
I think it looks kinda better as a whole series than as individual shots though

Maybe! I should have tried harder you know, really pushed for it.

I'm actually referring to a specific issue although now I realize it pretty much applies to a lot in my life. Damn.

In other and lighter news, I took part in my first proper flea market yesterday night and it went swell! For the past few days, I've been a mini-notebook making machine and ah forget it, this trying to be cheery is a tiring affair at near 3 in the morning haha. Fact: It went well, people liked my stuff, so far I've totally covered my costs but defeated this point by buying a top, eyeliner and lipstick today at Causeway Point. Oh you savvy business-person, you. I guess I am just annoyed that the eyeliner that looked iridescent green at the shop just looks black now that I'm home. Gee, thanks! Although the super-discounted and awesome-crazy printed top from The Island Shop (hello, $5!) was really quite a good buy.





Here's a good thing about why drawing is good. Sometimes you come across nonsense you drew ages ago that meant nothing then, but now, suddenly you go: HEY THAT IS EXACTLY HOW I'M FEELING NOW.




Hello pop-up book I lovingly and painstakingly constructed to carefully film and mindnumbingly render for a video that impressed no one at a disastrous interview! I still think the book itself looks great though. Will post pictures when I get around to um, taking them!

REMINDER #189723874829: I NEED TO GET A PROPER WEBSITE.

Sometimes I feel embarrassed that the bulk of my listening-music is still the music I discovered when I was 15.

Eh Yanti, no progression ah?, that's what I think.

Would you have guessed that this was Boon Lay, Singapore! Gorgeous, and part of the reason why I really don't feel bad about staying in NTU. I really do think the campus is quite beautiful.

Eh I guess you might not be able to see the awesome colour due to the pictures being on the small side. Boo. So click the pictures to enlarge. At least one, promise! The light is amazing.

Here's some of the cool stuff I've been doing in my Experimental Photography class. We've been working with pinhole cameras and alternative printing processes which means all that fun in the darkroom with chemicals hurrah

To be fair, a few of the pictures here were digital files which were then converted into film negatives and then fiddled with using Chemical X, Y and Z, so it still counts right :D

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Above three - digital file, printed with Van Dyke process



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Pinhole camera



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Pinhole camera, original image



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Cyanotype process



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Ditto!


My only regret about taking this class is that it means I won't be able to take it again in the future, damn. I would love to work and try out this medium for a much longer time than what the four months in a semester allows..

Nutella is a good comfort on nights unwillingly plowing through homework.


This is a really good graphic novel. I've been wanting to read it since it came out a couple of years back, but only managed to do so a week ago from the school library. Apart from the beautiful prose and drawings and terrible poignancy, there's this part of the book, the climax if you will, that totally paralleled a moment of my own life a few months ago.

Its one thing to read a fictional story that mirrors your own, or one that reflects your emotional nuances. But to have something graphically identical stunned me, in a rather aching tugging way. Remember when I mentioned something about poking a heart-hurt like an ulcer? Yeah like that.

In any case, it doesn't really matter much nor does it bother me significantly any more. Just poking around relatively old issues. One day I will get over the weirdness of how fleeting Significant Things can be. I just find it strange, that Huge Things can also be temporal and gone, that's all.



I have no idea why this post is restrospective-everything.

And also!