i hate to admit it, but it is true and i can no longer deny the niggling truth.

we, iPod Lusters are victims of superb advertising and marketing. *sighs* it pains me everytime somebody brings to light the significant flaws and lackings of that byootiful white cuboid.

..not unlike mcD, i suppose. or fastfood in general; which i would like to point out does NOT include icky kfc. the food isnt great, you can get better at a hawker centre/food court for around the same price but no - we herd to the familiar comforts.

you see, food courts and hawker centers do not offer free toys to easily bribed tots. and the fact that before the birth of foodcourts, the latter was a nightmare of either sticky or slippery [but always dirty] floor and toilets that are the subject of of horror stories. the smell the smell! and erk, unidentifiable brown sludge! -let's not even talk about the loos in wet markets- and the heavy, thick humidity that descends during lunchtime and the unpredictable quality of the food there.

we have been conditioned to accept fastfood.

................................................

chemistry practicals are very amusing. or was, before we had to take them seriously because of the O's of course.

 

especially the precipitate tests.

 

ooh bubbles. pretty.

wait - gas! gas! *jams the mouth of the test tube with thumb*

splint splint, where's that frocking thing??

*sticks the Glowing splint into said test tube, crestfallen as nothing happens* relight damn you RELIGHT. 

 

you know what's worse? when the litmus paper falls in and instead of the nice azure blue, it turns pukey-brown.

 

or hurhur, worse, during one titration practical, the technicians confused X and Y resulting in a whole lotta chaos as we vigourously shake the flasks wondering it REALLY should turn pink be now and later on, a general state of blurness as we stare at two containers of X/Y wondering which should go where and eventually falling back onto the time-trusted method of making decisions; 'eeny-meeney-miney-moe'

 

we scrapped the entire practical that day *beams*

 

and PE is even more..traumatizing.

sadly and embarrassingly, i have this underlying phobia of flying balls. i don't mind being tackled, pushed to the floor or elbowed in the ribs but augh, propelling balls!

 

so anyway, i normally have this fear in control, maging to play an active role sorta during games. but a recent incident has erased any form of decent competency resulting in me regressing to the pathetic state that i was a few years back.

 

we were playing captain ball which is basically a game with no rules whatsoever lol. this makes it fun because the lack of rules allow a lotspace for absolutely comic scenes of ball-grabbing and struggles, and strangely, it was a co-ed game we were playing.

so there's this guy whose habit is to throw the frocking ball full-force but with NO AIM at all. thrice in the span of 15 minutes, he had managed to throw the Thing over the fence, leaving us groaning/eye-rolling.

 

some time later, i was busy laughing at something i just saw when WHOMPH. the ball had slammed straight into my face, i think i only managed to squeeze out an erk!

 

it hurt like fuck okaaay especially since i was wearing glasses. =P i stood there with my eyes squeezed shut because it just hurt so much to even try open them and tears were actually running down my face!

it really was a funny sight, i imagine. me ow ow ow-ing in a completely deadpan voice with tears running down my cheeks.

................................................

my english common test essay:

The most boring day of my life

My neck had a painful crick in it, the result of having been too long in bed trying to sleep away my fever. The constant naps i had taken for the past few days left the distinction between night and day, Monday and Friday, disconcertingly and confusingly blurred.

There was a full-scale microscopic war battling in me, a fight to the death between the Evile Foreign Pathogens and my white blood cells [equipped with Amazing Engulfing powers]! At least, that's what the remnants of last week's biology lesson offered me.

I was sick.

Physically sick, but also sick with boredom.

I was now in the stage where the horrid effects of said germs no longer left me blissfully, deliriously, half-conscious.

I was on the uncomfortable and hence, detestable road to recovery; horribly aware of my migraine and the thin sheen of sticky-sweat on places i did not know had sweat glands.
Aware of how every time i tried to read a book to defeat the boredom that was slowly conquering my every cell, my eyes burned and seared although i could not think of a scientifically logical reason why my eyeballs were behaving so.
Aware of how everytime i closed my eyes for another nap, my eyes felt swollen, too big for their sockets. And so, i would have to toss and turn, lulled by my creaking fan, nesting in my sweat-dampened bed linen falling into a fitful slumber and slightly disturbing dreams.

No doubt the effect of the unfamiliar chemicals running through my bloodstream. i gazed at the ceiling. There can only be so many times one can try to count the azure dots of paint spattered on it. For texture, the interior decorator said. Oh i roll my eyes in disdain.

At the last count though, of someone out there is even interested to know, it's 376. That was as far as i got before spinning out dizzily into medicine-induced sleep.

i sat up to whomp my pillow into its original state of puffiness and for a nanosecond, the world seems to have been thrown off its axis, catapulting me into a sickening combination of nausea and light-headedness.

i groaned. i really wished those blasted germs would hurry up and die. i wonder whether they had a colective mind, planning diabolical schemes of invading unknowing and unsuspecting people, essentially robbing them of precious time that could have been spent doing anything but this.

Pictures of Hitler-esque amoeba sprung to mind, as i conjured up images of an amoeba legion marching and singing war songs with gusto - we will break down the mucus membranes! create globs of phlegm and thundering migraines too!

wait - do amoeba have mouths?

This sudden spurt of thought with a semblance of logic stopped me in my delirious tracks. i giggled at me ludicrous behaviour, and then am alarmed by my amusement.

Throwing off my blanket, i lay spread-eagled on my bed. So this is what boredom does to you. Slowly, like guerilla forces in the velvety darkness of the night, it creeps up to you, corrupting every shred of logical thought until you either become stark raving mad or evolve - no, degenerate into an empty husk of what you were.

Headline news! Girl found catatonic; Boredom burns away her soul and intelligence (not that she had much of that)! Imagine that in the newspapers - what a laugh indeed.

And so, slowly i lay there, rotting away not because of the violating germs, but out of sheer boredom. An evanescence of logic evaporating into smoky wisps before dissipating completely.

I would rather be in maths class, i think. i gasped as i fully grasp how telling of my state of sanity my prior statement was.

boredom may really be killing me.

 

*hurhur what a load of rambling junk. ye olde suzie was not amused though but i don't care! dumdeedeedumdum, stupid common test, stupid essay. am so sick of writing Predictable and therefore more-Proper compositions.

 

i do like being bored sometimes.
it results in rather....interesting things.
 
for example, on sunday during religious class, i discovered that the walls are the same colour as masking tape. *impressed* how about that? now here comes the Big Question of course: which came first, the masking tape dye or wall paint?
 
and today, oh oh today.
today's resulted in a a number of male butts being pinched much to mah amoosement and the owners' horror. nadya nadya nadya. hurhur, go rate the different butts on my tagboard =]
__________________________________
 
i heard on the radio yesterday, WKRZ i think [don't ask.], and i heard the news segment and the dj was saying something about how the french government have 'advised' their jewish population to MIGRATE to israel in view of the recent rise of anti-semitism sentiment.
 
can someone confirm this news with me?
 
cuz if this happens to be actually True, than i am very shocked. it seems almost surreal; such a drastic measure. another exodus.
sounds like one of the post-apocalyptic, incredulous fiction novels i'm wont to read. if things continue this way in the future, can you imagine what might happen? 'colour'ed people and/or any religion that is not christian-based expelled from their country to ease the tension that their presence causes.
 
how ridiculous is that? very, i tell you.
 
this is why, once again, i say - annihilate humanity and let the amoeba [amoebi?] take over!
 
till then, we'll have to deal with reading the newspaper saying how unwise it was for the philippines to think about their fellow filipino who could oh so likely end up with the same fate as the chickens you see hanging at the hawkers -
 
oh No you shouldn't have done that p, tutted the Big Kahuna, see - now the buggers will think that you guys DO care about hostage's life and will now use it against us all!
 
b-but, phili stammered, it's not that we wanted to disappoint you..really, we didn't mean it that way! it wasn't that we were fed up with you pushing us around and th-then, when you're in deep shit, you ask us to pull you out a-and in the process, you pull us in the cesspool too! it's just that we CARE about our citizens.
 
big kahuna smirks.
 
chewing her lip, phili admits: okaaaay, so it's also because it's the overseas citizens who bring the biggest piece of bacon home. but still!
 
phili and big kahuna sip their mocha frapp, contemplating the mess they were in. what to do what to do?
 
after all, Big K ponders, the korean brouhaha was really such a bother. tsk, expected them asians to be more stoic..especially after watching the last samurai, i would expect them to be more prepared to make sacrifices to rid the world of terrorism.
 
sir, that was in japan sir, phili interjects, hiding her smirk in the frozen peaks in her cup.
 

yeah yeah sushi kimchi, Big K drawls, same difference! yellow is, as yellow does.

....................................................

well, i really am perturbed at the whole matter.

 

honestly, i cheered over my cup of milo when i read the headlines that morning. my immediate response was: thank god. a governent that won't be bullied.

 

i recognized the irony of that statement now of course.

i had a niggling doubt over the RightValue of their decision but pushed it away to cope with the dread that a horrid day of school oft gave me.

 

and now. and now, i don't know what to think.

 

again, [it's been happening a lot recently] its a fight between idealism and pragmatism. i just really wish in my idealism that the terrorists will keep their word but i feel bitter articulating this in my head because i know that all eville villains often don't.

and even of they do, they'll know their tactic works. and the violence continues.

 

it's terrible, really. why why why do we want to bring children into this world. is there much that can compensate for the sheer ugliness so prevalent today?

 

and for the love of pantyhose, you can't consistently count on hope blue skies and fluffy clouds. you can't.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

what say you?

 
 
 
 

entry No. 222!
 
applause and cheers all, i'm not sure of the significance of this numeral alliteration[?] but i'm just making a point of this one cuz i missed out on doing so for the 200th entry.
 
so go on, tag like crazy to this inanimate, digital representation of izyanti.
 
you'd be interested to know [or not] that if you google my full name, hurhur, my name comes up third for the CAP thing in the skule webbie and later on in bern's and kass's blog. but none for me cuz my archives have gone nutso-kookoo, very much like everything electronic and gadgety in my life recently.
_____________________________________________
recently during malay class, my teacher came into class with a woeful face. now he's generally a nice guy but can be irritatingly zealous in his opinions on religion and political conspiracies and more often than not, lacking logic as well.
 
and times like these, i never find myself agreeing with him so usually i do the Smart and Wise thing and shut up, occasionally nodding in a non-statement way.
 
well, too bad. i was cranky that day.
 
that day's Topic was the video of the Korean guy who got beheaded. he was all pitiful and sorrow, saying "have you seen the video? it's so horrible...it was terrible..[you get the gist]" which is all fine and generally Normal.
 
then he suddenly perks up, with this like, morbid energy and asks us in a serious and somber tone, "do you want to see it? i can show you, it's on the computer. or maybe i'll send it to your e-mail."
 
which of course, got me riled up. it just screams the media's exploitation of such a horrid event, does it not? so i told him that out of respect towards the victim and his family, it shouldn't be used for one's morbid entertainment.
 
he then predictably went into denial citing painful statements like They Have The Right To Know and It Happened, We Must Know What's Going On In Today's World.
 
well, excuse me. i think someone forgot to read the memo reminding people of the fine line between actual news and sick entertainment, and told him as much in more polite terms of course. c'mon, the website he got the video from confirms the sick nature of it all - freak(something).com

 

the Germans have a word for this morbid fascination: Schadenfreude, the very human pleasure taken from seeing other's suffering.

seriously, would you like it if you knew thousands of complete strangers are playing the video of your son's death over and over again? incessantly and more terribly, needlessly. what's more sickening is of course, his complete delusion.

___________________________________________

hurhur. here's a true Mat story. said mat is a friend's brother and for obvious reasons, their names shall remain undisclosed.

The Mat, his attempt at domestic life and the Quest for the Mat Weapon: Tapered Pants.

for several nights, the sewing machine whirred. it was not the mother nor the sister at the helm. it was in fact, Mat-boy.

unable to find the Secret Treasure-hold of Tapered Pants [and can someone tell me if there's an actual place specializing in said pants? i need to see it, to believe it], Mat-boy decided to garner his resourcefulness and embarked on a plan to Transmorgify a perfectly normal and acceptable pair of jeans into the Object of Horror.

i do not know how Mat-boy figured out how to use the sweing machine and the trials and tribulations he faced as his sister did not tell me, but surely, we can assume. that was his sheer determination to create the last object to complete his Mat ensemble. he had already of course, mastered the lingua franca. and lest others think otherwise, its faar more complicated than the cliched rilek one korner laah.

finally, the pants were completed. pride probably surged through him as he hah!-ed his home ec. teacher.

and so, he put them on.

and found them..a tidge too tight. oh dear. he wondered which of his inaccurate measurements had caused the predicament. then he wondered whether he had actually bothered to make any form of measurements.

but no matter, he thought, tight is good. they like tight. despite being horribly aesthetically-displeasing, it followed the code of Mat-ism. it didn't matter that said pants in addition to just being offensive to the senses, they also made the fat guys look like mutant chicken drumsticks and the skinny ones like anorexic cousins of said chickens.

so anyway, he probably started to feel a certain loss of blood circulation and wisely thought that it was time to get out of them.

but he couldn't. it had formed a vice grip on his thighs and refused to let go! no no, the pants cried, you must stay with me! we make The Mat, you are nothing without me - we shall assimilate to create one creature!

Mat-boy's heart panicked. he hadn't known what he had been getting into, and now his Wise but often Hiding Voice told him, you need help.

he refused at first. i must maintain my dignity!, he cried desperately, i will not, cannot, must not!

but he DID.

which was why my friend found him on the floor writhing, trying to get out of the pants that had clung on to him like shrink-wrap, stuck mid- thigh, crying help aagh they're too tight!

*snerk*

__________________________________

i am happy to announce that i last friday night, at school studying, i looked over across the room [as i have been prone to do so recently *snerk*] to feel a familiar long-forgotten feeling of heady endorphin warmth.

aw man, it's just that he's so sweet and Nice Boy. not cute in the typical sense, but he has this endearing quietness about him.

haha.

and he was listening to his discman, bobbing his head. then he started doing this goofy half-dance. *beams*

to be honest, i've been *cough* innocently half-observing him for a loong time, for my own amoosement.

ah well. it's fun having a mild crush again. but like my friend says indignantly, 'i only window-shop for guys okaaaaay!'.

true for me too.

and no, don't give me the crap telling me to go talk to him lah, get to know him better cuz dearies, that is exactly what always ruins it for me. i don't want to find out what's he's really like - i like the way i see him now.

hurhur, let me just enjoy the endorphin rush.

 

 

 

toodles all!

  
  
 

first of, a funny anecdote a friend relayed to me. unfortunately, for the love of pantyhose [credit to charmaine here!] i can't remember who so don't sue me for um, copyright infringement of sorts.

"so there i was in the cinema watching prisoner of azkaban. before the movie itself, they were playing the typical slew of movie trailers including the one for Spiderman2.

suddenly, in the middle of the movie, this kid asks LOUDLY, 'where's spiderman? how come he haven't come out yet?'"


hurhur.
 
#EDIT: my math's tutor told me this one.
_______________________________________________

i think the movie reviewers have been too generous with their stars recently.
 
i watched spidey2 and it's definitely NOT worth the 5 stars it got.  it was good, maybe 4?
 
to me, a 5 star movie would have the epic proportions of Troy, the laugh-inducingness of Finding Nemo, the tear-jerking and camerawork of Moulin Rouge and the plot intricacy of Eternal Sunshine.
 
i of course do realize as my friend so cheerfully pointed out that such a movie would take like 5 hours.
 
bummer.
 
tsk tsk. and other than the shirt-ripping-off scene, ol Tobey was damn ugly in this movie man. well, not ALL of the movie, but there were this two scenes where he looked so HORRID that i had to close my eyes. erk! Flared Nostrils and Scrunched Up Grimace is not becoming of you maguire.
 
as usual, it was the villain that i found more..interesting i suppose. despite it all, i've always been more intrigued with the layers of the  Mr. Bad-and-Eville Guy rather than the Good Guy, though admittedly, spidey does offer more depth than the typical 'i'm good because i want to save people and it's the right thing to do' concept.
i suppose that's why during the short period of time when i used to watch smallville, i never cared for pretty boy Clark. it has always been lex lex lex for me.
 
like draco and spike. ooh, WHOT a co-incidence.
there is an uncanny parrallel-ism between the three.
___________________________________________________
 
a moment of sheer Horror yesterday:
 
we were studying at school yesterday, so Herr Hitler was making her rounds as usual as if our moment of hard-workingness was of her doing and she was our motivation. oh puh-leeeze.
 
so there i was, studying with a sort of sadness how the greed for power had corrupted Mao into launching the Cultural Revolution when i felt an arm around my shoulder and that already alarmed me because well, i'm not a very touchy-feely kinda person.
 
but lo and behold, when i turned to see who's arm it was, it belonged to HITLER!
 
oh oh how i bristled fumed and seethed as she saccharinely smiled at me and said in her equally sickening voice "are you studying hard, izyanti?"
gag puke gag.
 
i cannot believe her hypocrisy!
 
 
 
and not long ago, she wanted to make sure i knew that i was dispensable to the school and that oh yes, i was a liability to the school's image and that augh augh augh!
 
with much effort, i kept my face blank and said tonelessly, "yes."
huh at least she's not that thick not to realize the prickly vibes i was sending out.
 
the biyatch.
_________________________________________________
 

Famous Last Words: "but it's the only shred of me left in this..this..costume!"

i was talking about my yellow zip ear stud which i might add, was only there because i couldn't find my more inconspicuous one in the morning.

what happened was that yesterday, was rmun day. i was therefore in the blazer's skirt+shirt combo when the principal [i snort in derision and complete dislike when i say this] gave me the typical head to toe scan and was greatly horrified by said stud.

this is despite the fact that otherwise, i was PERFECTLY in order.

and so, in her typical fashion, she over-reacts. here, i admit that i was in the wrong but apparently, she does not want to hear that from me either!

she completely pooh-ed all my um, i suppose, apologetic placating. and if there's one thing i should know by now, is that no adult when in a strop wants to handle a teenager seemingly more calm and collected than it.
this behavior seems to offend them greatly as it perhaps, makes them feel..inadequate. and here i say this not only referring to her inadequacy as a *snerk* principal but also in all principles, as a normal person with a normal capacity for logical thought.

by this time, my torso seemed to have been replaced by lead because never EVER have i felt it so heavy. i knew what was coming of course, that ruthless idiot.

she did not want me to be in rmun.

one word: flabbergasted.

it was horrid. all my hard work and effort just gone KA-PUT. just because, again, she wants to use me as an example. does 'suspension for doodling on the table in pencil' ring a bell?

ooh deja vu.

and i felt even worse cuz i knew this time, for sure, it was completely and irreversibly My Fault and the WORSE thing is that it was over something so trivial.
i felt like stabbing my heart over and over and over and over..well, you get the drift.

to mildly put it actually, i was distraught. how do you define this feeling? let's see, a crumbling of every shred of hope.

she hates me, i'm sure of it.

i hate her, with much passion.

for the first time in my life, i actually felt an painfully sincere wish that it was all a nightmare and that yes, oh please god, let me wake up! but yeah well, it wasn't. besides, my nightmares are always freaky, not the unreasonable ocurring in reality.

so there i was, [shall not describe my state] in the classroom when charmaine and matthew came up to me to tell me his Great Plan.

i was - am, shocked.

almost awed.

i didn't know you had it in you, you diabolical thing! i was almost..disturbed at his EAGERNESS to uh, blackmail. don't deny it, and pretti-fy with more tactful terms, you KNOW what it was lol.

he was all hermione-on-a-mission and we went around the school like an inverse Trio with me shifty-eyed and going 'are you sure you know what you're doing? what if it backlashes?', 'i don't think he knows what he's doing charmaine', 'this is the PRINCIPAL, the ultimate, ruthless uber-hitler - are you SURE? she'll end up hating you too you know!'

such an act, so fiend-ish; and to the principal no less! i am so proud of you *beams*. i didn't know you actually had a smidge of actual Eville in you -

too bad you didn't actually get to commit the act because the principal had gone out and ms. tay managed to settle it with a whole chunk load of persuasion.

technically, as punishment, i wasn't supposed to wear the blazer or speak to represent the school. hmm. *snerk*

i thank you all *sniffs* for standing by me; charmaine, matthew, my team [even though im not q sure whether you meant what you said to mrs.j] and everybody who gave me hugs and asked me whether i was okay, even though i was clearly not, I LOVE YOU ALL.



you know, it is rather symbolic that i got nearly pulled out of rmun because of such a thing. no doubt it was an abuse of her power, and unreasonable at that. but still. it seemed to prove to me that there is no compromise in real life. i have NOT been getting into trouble and generally, i think improved a whole lot conduct-wise compared to last year. and yet, over such a TRIVIAL matter, she doesn't even recognize my attempt at reforming.

therefore, it leads me to one question: what IS the point?
they won't even leave me a shred of individuality. no allowances given. i want to scream, you can't do this to me! but of course, they can.

i wish they would just leave me be.

i mean, one of the chung cheng guys yesterday had an EAR STUD on. pfft. AND, he was on the student's council in one of the leadership roles. how cool is that? i wish i was there...-wait, it's a guys school isn't it?

today, as we were on the way out of school, we went pass the uniform groups practising the marching [pointless] and being yelled at by their seniors [pointless AND masochistic] and i couldn't help but yell "uniform groups are organizations of brainwashing!". huh, their a microcosm of our school itself; how very apt.

you may say that, hey it build discipline and uh, team spirit! it cultivates a strong bond between the students! true, i cannot deny. but you can't deny either that what I say is tru as well. and that in addition to the mass brainwashing, there's a hell lot of unhealthy politics as well.

it is the introduction of the concept and practice of bureaucracy and heirachy.

the corruption of the generally simple and innocent mind of 12 year olds. *sighs* i hope my siblings and kids in the future will never have an inclination for such activities.







i am also very very smug to add that hah, hitler told mrs.j that she didn't want to talk to me because i have the habit of being able to talk myself [her exact words were 'twist words'] out of this kind of shit.

i say, I HOPE YOU DIE LONELY [WELL, YOU'RE ALREADY UGLY] AND HATED [quite taken care of] AND THAT THE MOE SACKS YOU CUZ THEY FINALLY REALIZE YOUR INCOMPETENCY YOU FROCKER. I HOPE THAT AT LEAST ONCE IN YOU LIFE, YOU WILL HAVE THE OPPURTUNITY TO BE CHASED BY AN ANGRY MOB CARRYING POINTY OBJECTS AND HAH FLAME-THROWERS! IF YOU'RE KEEN, DO CALL ME. I'LL ORGANIZE ONE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

I HOPE YOU HAVE A MISERABLE LIFE SHIRLEEN ONG.

DIE! JUST DIE!!

69 231.

the number of words i've put into this blog. tis only a rough estimate, but still. a bit less than 6 month worths of entries and rants.

that's a lot is it not?

i was transferring my entries to Words with the idea of printing it out and binding it, cuz well, i keep my diaries and 69 000 words are a lot that i dont want to be left rotting in cyberspace. i balked however at the thought of printing out 205 pages of at times, incoherent ramblings.

and it occured to me then, that my thoughts and rants would convert into a tangible form - for some reason, i am..appalled/awed by this concept.

translucent wisps nanoseconds of thought immortalized by ink and paper. i've never really realized the awesome factor of writing. imagine writing something today and a century later, still being read by people.

all the Great Authors, weilding such power in their seemingly simple pens [keyboards now i suppose]. the ability to evoke tears, wrath, pain and even more wonderfully, waken the conscious AND conscience.

i wonder how anne frank feels.
violated at first. then flattered, i'm sure.

and i wonder, when they first invented words, did it ever occur to them the impact and simply, the possibilities within these mere letters?

the power to sway
to seduce with melodious cajoling words of love
to provoke with caustic scathing remarks of disdain
the possibility of creating laughter
to make war

to brainwash too.

hmm.
am bored with this musing and am starting to think i am delving too much into the matter. must stop before brain self-combusts from an overload of sudden introspection.
_______________________________________________________

pondering my mirth at being casually [read: unconfirmed] asked to emcee Speech Day. as my friend pointed out, its all very official business and uh, as we all know, is a LOT [again, read: majority] reading out names of various over-achieving frreaks.

it is a very very Establishment event.

[a whole hour has passed cuz i drifted off tangent to read the transcript for eternal sunshine. haha joel. a bit messy at times when you can see where editting has done much good but LOTS of unseen scenes and in a way, the tying of loose threads. still moves me, reading the flick. *ponders*]

anyway, yes, my perturbing mirth at being involved in said event.

i suppose in a way, i am happy that i've been accepted by the majority. more like, they know my worth.

i dont seek approval, what i want -always have, even as a kid- is recognition. or are they the same thing? i'm not very sure, i wish someone would tell me. tell me the Truth; that i'm no more than the attention-seeking, self-centred actor that i fear i am.

though i like being different -adore it, breathe it and live by it-, the feeling itself irks me at the same time. Metaphor Moment: like a sweater that's so soft and cuddly but really uncomfortably warm.

i want to be accepted by the majority, but not be part of it. yeah, i think that's it.

how very annoying.
the way we all are. organisms [i've always thought this word's similarity to the word orgasm funny. i see a link between the two somehow] of myriad facets..how very complicated and befuddling.
see, one facet does not maketh a person. i don't see how you can understand a person, cuz to do that you would have to assimilate ALL the facets don't you? and honestly, even if you had the time, patience and mental capacity to do so without a smidge of the very annoying Judgement, which person in his right mind would ever expose his core and every fibre of his being to you?

some facets are clear and shown, displayed for all to see.
and some are left and meant to be smudged shadowed and hidden. rusty. to try change this - that would change the person too would it not?

i suppose this is why i always hold the way people say I Understand You with much doubt and yes at times, disdain.

how can you?

and i'm really rambling. but no matter.

my point is, you can't understand a person because you don't know what follow his train of thought since its linked to so many things that you cant possibly fathom because he himself isn't aware of it.

*sighs* and yes, i am aware that my ending point is COMPLETELY different from the starting point of my ramble. again, to you it's illogical cuz you can't see my train of thought but the direction where this is going makes perfect sense to me.






you know, i wanted to blog about a kinda funny anecdote of my childhood. but yeah well, another day i suppose. too bad hey, you had to endure my philosophical phase which i believe, is muchos less entertaining than me being irrelevently ludicrous.

i am in deeep shit.

for the entire night yesterday, i had a rock of forboding settled deep in my stomach, so charmaine told me to sleep it off cuz according to her, i'd feel better when i wake up.

nuh-uh.

the sleep was nice and free of problem-related dreams but when i woke up, said rock had now become a lump of lead.

this is horrid.

crisis: couldn't find my IC and proof slip that i need today for my listening compre today. realized that i left it with my oral examiners on thursday. in my rush to escape the oral room, i just grabbed my bag and more or less, ran out. they were busy marking down my notes and ddn realize that my stuff was still on the table.

what's reallly churning my stomach is that they somehow did not even realize it there and out in their big pile of papers and its now somewhere ouut there in singapore.

location unknown.

oh god oh god.

or WORSE, from the constant interrogation my parents treated me with, i have a niggling doubt ovre whwter my above story actually happened or did my brain come up with a convenient tale with the most logical value.

i was sure, with conviction that i DID leave it there. but now, i'm not really.

oh geez, thanks a lot. now i have something to add on to my already wanting to but undecided Feeling of Wanting to Hurl or Cry or Both.
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and don't be a doofus, of course you matter; you're a friend aren't you? *rolls eyes*
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#EDIT: hah (i'm right!). i found my things. the HOD actually got them yesterday but obviously didn't consider it an urgent matter.

indeed.

it really is disturbing that the mind is so easily nudged and swayed of it's axis of confidence.
a bit of 'are you sure??'s, 'maybe you imagined it laah' and 'seriously, check again - just in case you're wrong' is enough to make my version of events waver.

am i so easily brainwashed?

apparently not, since i can be obstinately defiant for trivial matters like not wearing my nametag and boycotting if this season's Mango sale [see previous rant] and yes, my now famous among my posse and family, refusal to eat shark's fin...and more puzzlingly, fish roe.

don't ask. the more people try to inject logic into my seemingly unreasonable decision, the more i WILL stick by it hmph! you may prove more logical, but i don't care! pfft i am right! nyeh-nyeh-nyeh! =X

and yes, i know that i reaaallly just contradicted myself but poo to you.
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harry potter and the half-blood prince, huh.

i hope harry's less angsty in this one..or not. i dont think rowling does good angst - she just makes me want to slap him, tell him to get a grip and please, STOP TALKING IN CAPS. ITS ANNOYING. REALLY.

a HILARIOUS satire of Angsty Harry.
it is of course, centred around the very funnily vain *squeal* draco and a sluttay ginny =P. must must read. its ROTFL-worthy.

anyway, back to the NOT soon-to-be-released potter installment. apparently, it's not ol' voldie. and i think neville's a pure-blood wiz.

(oh oh let it be draaaco)
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*The Official Anthem for the BimboClub*

i am Cow, hear me moo
i weigh twice as much as you
and i look good on the barbecue
yoghurt, curd, cream, cheese and butter`s
mde from liquid from my udders
i am Cow, i am Cow, hear me moo (moo)

I am Cow, eating grass
Methane gas comes out my ass
And out my muzzle when I belch
Oh, the ozone layer is thinner
From the outcome of my dinner
I am Cow, I am Cow, I`ve got gas

I am Cow, here I stand
Far and wide upon this land
And I am living everywhere
From B.C. to Newfoundland
You can squeeze my teats by hand
I am Cow, I am Cow, I am Cow
I am Cow, I am Cow, I am Cow!

-the arrogant worms [the name of the band. no, i'm serious]


our Motto: "we're like, not bimbos okaaay - we're just, uh. *twirls hair* pretty stupid."


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Listening to: accidentally in Love, counting crows
let me entertain you, robbie willaims
killing me, robbie williams
time is running out, muse