Monday, October 25, 2004

this is my 250th entry on this blog. a cause for celebration, indeed. party and balloons people, everyone help themselves to generous tagging!

i had a fairly unusual moment while writing this entry. i looked out the window, and the sky was blue. no no i have not been suddenly cured from colour blindness, nor a chronic bout of navel-gazing. the thing is, i have been on the computer, (my buttocks cry for mercy from this uncomfortable chair) from 3 am. and as we all know, the sky is dark during that period of the morning and the next thing i knew, it was BLUE.


my usual computer habits see the blue sky darken, not the other way round! augh augh augh.

perhaps, it is just my sleep deprivation. or the trauma taking effect after seeing john travolta blubbing like a wuss on oprah. wherefore art thou, my trim and charismatic danny zukoe? hidden underneath all that excess flesh, i suppose.

oh look. everyone should be arriving at school now. and i'm still sitting here in my pajamas. somehow the pleasure usually felt during this situation has been numbed by the need for sleep. kingshaw and hooper can die for all i care. take a nice swim in the bloody pond. hey, they ought to drag helena kingshaw too. hopefully, she'll get attacked a rabid mass of leeches. then she'll know what it's like to be her HAH. and joseph hooper? well, he's H2O intolerant so no watery fun for him.

meanwhile, mrs boland and fielding shall revive that nasty old tractor and bulldoze down Warings. and yes, i do know that only bulldozers bulldoze. but then again what do tractors do, track? in conclusion, i think i'll do the dozing before i drive myself into an incoherent shamble.

Thursday, October 21, 2004

*peers around* is it safe for me to come out yet?

how very annoying it is when overly vindictive people have the tendency to over-react. and for like, 5 whole minutes - ah scrap that. i was going to launch a discourse on how my blog does not feel safe anymore for me to expose my *sobs* truly vulnerable self in ranty tirades but i have decided not to care. it is very bothersome.

it is true that now that we (blogger and i) have a faithful readership consisting of my friends and assorted acquaintances *waves*, i no longer have an avenue to privately and more importantly, anonymously bitch about the little annoyances that plague life. a price to pay i suppose. this could in the long-term, if in extreme conditions, cause me to develop into a full blown misanthrope.

but you know, recently, discussing my feelings leaves a very sour and bitter after taste in my mouth. even when i'm thinking too myself. it is rather strange because i actually used to be a very let's dissect and analyze your feelings why do you think you reacted that way perhaps a childhood trauma or plain old angst kind of person, and now the whole act of combing through any form of reaction that veers to the negative side leaves me cringing. i might be turning into a guy.

maybe in the whole growing my previously boyish hair out so i can later chop it into a funkeh bob, i am translating the outer (maleness just sounds uberly wrong) non-feminity into an inner thing. erk and i'm getting that sour taste again and shall stop this stupid chatter. its a theory, nevertheless.

i have finished reading zoe heller's notes on a scandal. remember the author that was recently featured in the newspaper for winning the 2003 Man Booker Prize for her controversial novel about the middle-aged woman sleeping with a teenage boy? and wow, that was a very long sentence. anyway, i actually found it in the CCk library and this, as we all know is impressive enough because this particular library has a rather crappy selection of books. i suppose its because the librarians figured that the minahs/mats who hang out there are not surprise surprise, there for the books.

i figured that the library picked it up (new book *beams*) mainly because it was as mentioned earlier, in the newspaper and for at what at first seems to be a completely sensationalism plot. and i did assume that; a wham bam book revolving around the perverse relantionship. but out of curiousity, i borrowed it.

it is very good. so good that i was cringing throughout the entire read because it was just so painfully poignant. the subtle power plays between the characters were in retrospect, beautifully constructed just because of the subtlety. it gets very annoying when the writer shoves something in your face and she does NOT do this. thank you. the characters, whether major or minor were so complex you can actually feel the threads that make up their personality when you push apart their being as you go through the book. nobody is this OR that, but more of this and that and that too and maybe this as well. the most externally non-descript person in the book can be filled with malice but at the same time, terribly pathetic.

to be honest, the reason why it's moving is because of the patheticness (is that an actual word?) that the characters have. it is so real and horrid that you cringe. you cringe and cringe and cringe but keep on turning the pages and feel like slapping them all out of their delusions and yes my favourite theme, obsessions. the book is ugly in a sense because geez, the writer just loves to explore the ugliness that the humans are capable of in their daily lives. we're not talking about big controversies here, (and the relantionship scandal though pivotal and crucial to the plot is not really what is being discussed) but the little ploys that happen everyday. its a discourse on cruelty.

well, now why does that sound familiar? too much king of the castle and susan hill.

just be glad we don't have to study this for literature. i would die. do not let the fact that it's written in a very dry, non-partial and seemingly stoic tone (read: boring) fool you! this dark thing left me thoroughly disturbed and again in retrospect, should not be read as bedtime reading argh. i had to have a good flip through a forgettable saccharine chick-lit book before sleeping.

thankfully, its only 244 pages long. any longer, i might have just slit my wrist.

moving on, What Happened Today.

O Level chemistry practical, it was uh. all right, i guess. i could not do the extension question as expected but the others were fine. sadly, no potassium manganate. i might have failed to mention it before, but i like watching the vivid purple decolourize with vigorous effervescence. so pretty! and uberly cool.

and am i the only one who feels testing for oxygen (yay bigorous effervescence!) with a glowing splint verily awesome? it makes me feel like at hogwarts. glowing stick glowing gloowing *WHOOMPH* flame!

no time to do that today though. augh or ever again! it just dawned on me that today was my last ever ever chemistry practical since even in the small possibility that i go to jc, i will definitely not be taking the science stream. oh oh i mourn. and i didn't even manage to say goodbye. fare thee well bunsen burners tedious titrations precipitate cocktails choking ammonia chlorine gas and stinky damp rags.

i shall save my weeping for later.

so after the practical, we were herded into the hall and detained for another of the Eville principal's tirades masquerading as inspirational speeches. i've always felt she should stuff her snarky smiles and overall fakeness up her arse. with absolute vulgar vehemence, i say this.

today's speech was about the level-wide prelim moderation. she kept on saying this is a gracious act, a favour by the school you do not deserve this you do not deserve this you do not deserve this at ALL. uh huh all right. thank you for treating our fragile adolescent esteems exactly the way with your tender care and concern. and she had the cheek (and this is what makes me uberly furious) to at the ending bit of her talk suddenly change into this cooing incubus. as if she thinks we're that stupid to buy into her act. no OUR RUFFLED FEATHERS WILL NOT BE SMOOTHED DOWN. THEY WILL STAY RUFFLED.

everytime she talks to us, she succeeds in insulting our intelligence. which is the main reason i hate her with every fibre of my being. apparently, she does this to the school staff as well. i wanted to throw my shoe at her. or better still, large pointy things.

the thing is, i actually agree with her. i do not think moderation is fair at all. i do agree that we should not be getting it, and therefore, do not deserve it. but she is so insensitive, such an idiot. so condescending and patronizing. AUGH.

i digress.

moderation i think makes a farce of the entire examination. and despite being sour grapey towards the 6-pointers, i do sympathize with their plight. it is not fair that others too get to be in their elite group because of school policy when they got their marks through sheer hard work. it cheapens the entire thing and even though we know that their unhappiness stems from the very un-noble ego, ah well.

and yet, hypocrisy strikes again. because with the moderation, i get the more decent under-20 l1r5. it makes it easier when relatives ask, despite the ugly niggling feeling. i have not tried it yet, but i expect to feel no more comfortable answering. it is more likely that i shall respond with the oh so typical teenage non-commital grunting/whimper sound.


but the more significant hypocritical moment here is that with the moderation, they have given me the A2 i deserved for english. HAH they have retracted my failing grade that was so unfairly given to me for my composition, and got the distinction i should have gotten. in this sense, i very obstinately feel like refusing to count this as the moderation. my mother says the above two statements are very presumptious and proud of me to make, and unfortunately i feel compelled to agree with her on this one.

cue the return of that very annoying niggling feeling.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

ah, dearie me.

it's getting a bit hot in here with the whole flaming brou-haha (such a funny word, that), isn't it?

but you know, in all the essence of adolescenthood, all i have to say to avoid the 'this is my blog i get to say what i want and up yours pbbt!' rant is whatever. in a few years time, i will have to stop using that word, and i shall rue the moment when that day comes.

in three syllables and hardly any intellectual effort, this single word efficiently manages to dismiss situations that we, being apathetic teenagers
  • do not care about
  • cannot be bothered to care about
  • and most conveniently, do not want to think about.

in fact, i think there was this time during rmun that this girl, while making her speech *gasp* inadvertantly allowed this word to slip into her otherwise, technically flawless delivery. uberly funny i thought, but Boss Guy With Lisp didn't think so.

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

“Nice summer place, Malfoy. Where’d you spend Christmas? Mordor?”
“Disneyworld, actually, but the resemblance is stronger than you might think.”

- Cassandra Claire.


you know what's the annoying thing about having a fever?

it gets very annoying to sleep because you can feel yourself radiating heat despite the fan blowing directly on you AND you make the bed annoyingly warm. which means you consistently have to change position to find a cool spot. which turns (unbearingly) warm in a few minutes.

but i still managed to take a loong extended nap despite the renovation works next door, HAH! i rock. constant drilling and hammering, thou cannot beat me; i shall sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep.

frighteningly though, i have the worst case of bed-hair ever.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

let's dissect the hypocrisy that plagues the world of blogging.

recently, somebody flamed nadalala's blog. she was furious, naturally. somehow though, i didn't think she should have gotten that angry. WHY: because i think that by putting your thoughts on a blog, you are exposing yourself, WILLINGLY even its unintentional. the blogger has every right to say what they want, but on the other pointy tip of the stick, the blog-hopper too has every right to say what she wants and make her commentary because the blogger in her own free will, put it there for the general public. this is the internet after all, where rules are blurred and the lines are not just grey, their dust.

so well the other day, i started randomly blog-hopping, something that i don't usually do. and to add to my spasm of unusual -in all sense of the word- behaviour, i felt compelled to comment and criticize. it's very freeing, really. in a world where you feel bound to the laws of tact and consideration, its refreshing to say whatever you want; but i though it would be a tad cowardly and immature to flame someone just because online, you're invisible.

which is why i again felt compelled to leave a link to those i commented on. it's only fair, really.

which is why, i have this agitated tagger(s) on my tagboard. i'm fine, say what you want. i still stand by what i said and you know what? i think everyone should too. blogs as tools for character-building, kill the meekness in you. hah, now i can tell mother dearest my blogging is educationaly (somewhat). if that's your opinion, stick with it.

i still cannot stand pop masquerading as punk. not that i like punk, its the whole farce that irks me. heck, i can't stand anything that's pretending to be what it's not. like calling the local shows on singapore tv comedy. last i heard, people laugh at comedies.

i still cannot stand the values that rule mainstream hip-hop. thank you, i now know that chunky jewellery and representations of vulgar affluence makes me cool. and that women should only exist for the purpose of displaying their mammary glands and gluteus maximus in skimpy threads of cloth. and to go with the lack of cloth, let's put dignity in the same pile as well! i am so honored that after the years of women's liberation, we have been rightly put in our place -a gyrating trophy in some arse's harem.

i still cannot stand mats/minahs. other than the fact that i think they should try using the dusty brains that im sure has almost-fossilized so they'll stop being mindless drones with their fugly tapered pants, i think they should get a life. actually, hmm. the main reason why i cannot stand them is because of their drone-like quality. i was going to say their noisy and vulgar but geez, we all know that we're kinda like that too. and what is with the no eyebrows rule?? or worse, at school where eyebrow pencil isnt alllowed, they have this 1cm long spurts of hair on their forehead; i saw it upclose once and damn, it was TRAUMA. the mats/minahs even have a uniform to conform to, and it applies to what they do and behave as well. you know, there WAS actually a time when mats/minahs didn't exist in such conformity. so it's possible that they can return to that state! right? AND, being a fellow member of the Malay race, i find their presence in their ridiculous costumes embarassing.

i just let out a enormous sneeze followed by a coughing fit. i think i burst a few cappillaries.

Sunday, October 03, 2004

you know, it's hard getting over the complete screwed up-ness of your prelims when everything that everybody's doing revolves around it. just when i thought ' all right. it sucked, but that's ok. i'm just gonna work harder' then i read a blog about someone not entirely happy with their 11-pointer [yes this means you matthew] which makes me feel pretty miserable thinking about my I'm-Not-Going-To-Tell-You L1R5.


and im currently dissecting my papers, which doesn't make things easier either.

this is a perfect recipe for an unhealthy bout of self-loath, but fortunately i cannot be bothered to go down that tiresome road. i am in angry, frustrated and thoroughly disappointed with myself. in other words, I AM AN ANGSTY ADOLESCENT!

behold world, i shall besiege you with an onslaught of painfully mediocre and painfully gloomy writings! thou ears shall bleed oh oh crimson blood from my eternal whinings and moanings. die, ALL SHALL DIE facing my merciless hormone-charged wrath! be afraid O little creatures, be very afraid. *eville laughter*

yes. something to that extent. wow, i feel much better now after voicing out my Inner Tyrant.

on a more random note, the quality of Garfield has tragically deteriorated. this does not please me at all, i can assure you. somebody is being lazy. the gags are cheesy and corny, and lack the witticisms that made the strip so funny. pfft.

i think i'll make myself a list to cheer me up.

Things i am not happy about:
  • the current state of garfield.
  • the reruns that are constantly played on cable
  • my prelims [of course]
  • the cake thing my mudder tried to feed me just now.
  • i couldn't find The Choirboys on limewire, but i just have and now worry that i am downloading a subtitles-less french movie. *sighs*
  • the whole 'its mainstream therefore i hate it' concept
  • Herr Hitler and the sagEe one.
  • recently reading crappy books.
  • realizing that i wrote 15+1=17 on my emath paper and other such 'miscalculations'
  • Russel Crowe.
  • hip-hop's obsession with bling-bling and degrading women with their affinity for almost-nudity.
  • my hair. [bimbo moment!]
  • really cute shoes out there that are not in my possesion [maan, the moment is lasting longer than expected]
  • jk rowling. she takes EONS and its not that great what she writes anyway. so why do i bother? i do not know; it is the fan-geek in me.
  • cassandra claire. no slashy, no slashy PLEEASE. i cannot bear draco giving a peck on harry's cheek even though it is supposed to be platonic because we know your Inner Slash is giggling with much mirth. i cannot have a draco that exudes gay vibes, against the law of nature! see, if it was harry going all poncy, i couldn't care less.

Things i'm happy about:

  • A Knight's Tale. i dont care if the online reviews generally hated it, i LOVED it pbbt!
  • i found my Dior lipstick thingy and bought ear studs [oh no. what if this bimbo-ness is *gasp* permanent?]
  • the buffy finale is next week! oh oh i hyperventilate
  • DV15 cookie is up!
  • am reading King Lear.
  • at least, despite everything, my chemistry really improved.
  • my new monochrome desktop colour scheme
  • LIMEWIRE *beams*
  • Zits and Get Fuzzy.
  • the death of my corpus luteum gave me cramps but no MORE
  • oh oh oh chaaaarmaine has something for me on monday! =D
  • this is harder than i thought.