time for me to be shamelessly blatant

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, OH HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

there you go. i am satiated. all day long, i've been smiling and beaming thanks at the birthday wishes when all i wanted to do was scream out that AIEEE, I'm SIXTEEN! except of course, nobody likes a little birthday bragger so hah!

siim ynn and heng pei, thank you very much for my first ever miniature Inflatable Toy Boy. i LOVE it - and so does my p6 sister. is that disturbing?
no, i do not mind that it is only 20''. unless of course you're implying that i am short and hence, the doll's height would suffice. but you two are very nice people and i'm pretty sure you don't.

thank you aini for the Meiji birthday bear thing. you have provided proof that Emily was made for me since co-incidentally my birthday bear is entirely in red and black ala emily. i can now tell all the other poseurs to bugger off, the arseholes that they are. =D

thank you gennie for your NEW n0 sugar-added chupa-chup. i know you wanted it for yourself but graciously sacrificed it to me. i am deeply touched.

thank you all for the pledges of belated presents. i shall graciously wait in silence and will graciously forget if you conveniently forget as well.
thank you for the numerous butt pinches and wet smacks you gave me - i know you all take great joy in seeing my ears turn pink. *rolls eyes* oh the torment i go through just for your sake, tsk.

thank you CHARMAINE, my bestest best friend, my Lesbian Lover. my birthday wouldnt be the same without you. i am Timon, you are Pumbaa. i am SpongeBob and you, are Patrick Star.

*sniffles* i love you all.

and of couse, i thank myself and the present i got myself. dammit iz, that is one NICE bag you bought! lol. kidding~
well, it is though!
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is there something wrong with my tagboard? i have a feeling there's something off with the coding cuz it's not loading properly.

i hate twiddling with my lay-outs to get rid of this glitches.

honestly, i've never EVER had any problem like shifted pictures or weird tables with my red Emily lay-out. tsk tsk, what /does/ this prove?
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warning: the next passage will be rather cryptic and the subject it's aimed at doesn't even read my blog but oh well. i apologize in advance if it happens to befuddle and annoy the hell out of you.

i think at times, that given the right oppurtunity - i might be able to do it. right now, it feels as if i am already half-way there. but i've never allowed myself to do so before and perhaps, because i never found anyone to feel that way about before.
but now i have. and yet, still.
this is restraint at my very best. it's probably the only aspect in my life that this trait comes into place and ironically here, it does more harm than good. i hold myself back because i am not sure. as usual. i am afraid, worried. a million thoughts cross my mind, fleeting ones and others that play on loop.
i would rather you not know this side of me.
wouldn't you like to know my greatest fear?
people say i could be wrong, that my fears have no basis and that you are what i want you to be and how you feel. i suppose logically, theoretically, they could be right.
but you see, i know better - i know how my life goes and you being how i want you to be just does not follow the flow of how events play out in my life.
my life is hardly one of fairytale happy endings. i hardly ever get what i want which is, in this case, you.
now did i just say that? please ignore it's significance. it is not the most important thing that i have to say.
mine is one of unrequited adoration and the receiving of affection from those i sadly cannot find within myself reciprocation. misfired arrows from a drunken cupid.
this is not to say i live a life of misery, i am happy merely talking to you i suppose. it's just that, i never get happy endings and i'm not expecting any. from this situation, or anything else life throws at me.

so yeah, convoluted, this is how i feel.

not that you asked or want to know [you don't even know], but here it is. right here on the world wide web for everyone to see and yet ironically, i know you won't. which is why it is here really.