16

i strangely find it a scary age. it's not another "nothing"/"nobody" age like 14 or 11. it's a definitive number and a huge part of me doesnt want to turn definitive. i like being 15.

i like roaming aimlessly around.

it's like when ppl do the lecture thing and ask you "how can you behave like this? don't you know how old you are?", answering that you're only 15 makes sense because well hey, you're still childish and it's ok.
but if you answer 16, what you get instead is rolled eyes and a general consensus that you should grow up and stop the immaturity. because you are a proper teenager and part of being one is actively trying to grow up and away from one.

at least, that's the message i've been getting.

it's the age when actual responsibility is handled. life-changing events are happening here. honestly i think its NUTS. why the hell are they giving us serious things to think about and to actually DECIDE on like whether you want to pass your 'O' [hah! yeah right.], jc/poly/overseas which of course means you have to decide NOW what you're planning to do 10 years from now.

what are you people THINKING?? do you actually believe i'm in a state to contemplate life-changing issues now?

hello?

right now, i'm concerned over petty little stuff and THAT alone i'm capable of obsessing about. i'm a hormonally unstable, psychologically teetering adolescent who's not even sure she doing the right thing TODAY and you want me to make decisions that will affect my life 10 years from now?

the thing is, i don't want to make mistakes. i don't want to turn towards a fork in the road and realize much much later that frock, i did the wrong thing and i can't turn back and i'll have to go through whatever crappy thing that comes my way.

AND ALSO of course, i don't want to grow up.

duh.

i don't want to give up my excuse of Immaturity.
and in about 4 days or so, i think i'll have to start Growing Up.


urgh, bummer.