of Parents.

i have a rather embarassing confession to make.

i am still deathly intimidated by my dearest Father. proof would be that i refer to the woman who gave birth to me as mudder, but him as Father. emphasis on the capital letter.

i feel reduced to a 5 year old everytime he lectures/scolds me. the funny thing is, it's not that the content is..mortally potent. it's typical parental blah but it's his Voice and Tone!
when i was a kid, i was so afraid of him that just the "yanti!" he boomed out would stop me in my tracks of the mischief-making i was about to do. serious. he reduces me to this trembling rabbit thing and it's not something i'm very proud off.

i'm still VERY much intimidated by him.

whenever he does his angry lecture thing, my heart does the thumping it does when i get caught in school for doing something for *coughcough* i shouldn't have done. and oh yes, don't forget the queasy stomach. i panic at the mere thought of confronting him when's he's angry. -sighs-

i think that's why i'm a bit intimidated by my DM. because he reminds me of my Father. i dont mind being caught/lectured by any of the other bitchy teachers or the principal. but when it's the DM, whoo flashback time!

but the funny thing is, he's actually a nice guy. my Father, not the ol' DM. ok, so my dad can be abit longwinded when he's making his speeches but he's funny in a lame way. he likes to that jazz doodeedooda thing but lame-ifying it and sings all this stupid songs and makes all these lame jokes. it's just when he goes into Disciplinarian Mode.

augh.

he's reasonable and everything..except when it comes to the topic about me going out.

which is why i left andrea's thing so early yesterday. because i thought my dad was in the car waiting and to endure his wrath was..a panic inducing thing. i was actually afraid tht my mum wud pass the phone over to my dad and i would panic and my face would show the dread and OMG-ness in front of everybody which would have mortified me. so i very, VERY reluctantly left.

augh!

which is why i prefer it when my dad works his afternoon shift so that when i come home in the evening/night/late, he wont be there to do his Angry Lecture thing.

which is why i miss out on a lot. dont you dare try tell me andrea's wasnt fun cuz i know it was. *sniffs*

it's so unfair. [uh-oh. sounding kinda Teen Angsty]

but you know what was really, REALLY unfair?? my mother got it wrong and picked me up EARLY yesterday! i kept telling her she had said 7, but oh she deniedeniedenied. only half way did she grudgingly admit that she /might/ have gotten in wrong! $%^$&$#&
i left w/o much arguing [hah! all i did was make little noises of protest] because i ddnt want to make a scene and because, well, i thought my dad was in the car.

*SCREAMS*

i think i'll go find a nice little hole to crawl in now.
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Random Bit: my GothName is Panic Queen. --durr-- but if i dont put in my last name, its Velvet Kisses. if i use iZ, it's Chaotic Kittie. strangely [or not], i prefer the first - it reflects my personality better. the rest seem a bit, tacky.

oh wait! if i put izzy, it's Dead Psycho!!! whoo!

-- www.deadname.com
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here's another reason why i feel kinda guilty about ranting about my Father. he has recently offered me a hundred dollars for every A1 i get for my O's. like, whoa.

he honestly didnt have to.

so therefore, i want to re-inforce the fact that yes, my dad is a great Father. he does all his Fatherly responsibilities perfectly well. i just wished he would ease up on the Authoritarian Disciplinarian stance.

and yes, i know he has my best interests at heart. which is why, if you notice, i'm not doing the oh-so-typical teen angst screaming of "i hate my mum! i hate my dad! i hate [insert name here]! i hate the world!".

-sighs-