in school

it's lit lesson now. oh the joy of skiving off academic duties and responsibilities. we're supposed to be going through the summaries for 12th Night at this site and it's thoroughly pathetic. the summaries are...stripped of words. the very essence of the play itself. it's supposed to help those who have no idea what's going on since we usually go over the play line by line in miniscule detail which usually succeeds in boring us to death.

the thing is, i honestly do pefer the dark and morbid KOTC even though 12th Night, if analysed more properly is even more interesting. i don't like seeing it as a comedy. it seems...a bit trivial then. i find that humans use comedy to mask or sugar-coat the bitter and ugly sides of being human and 12th Night does this as well. it shows the ugly side of deception, and how we are trapped in our self-delusions. how we laught at people, being the sadistic creatures that we are.

but you know what? reading the stripped version does make it easier to comprehend. at least for the exams.
*definition: we'll be able to pass the exams because we'll know what the examiners want to hear. it won't matter that we'll be missing out on the deeper meaning of the text as long as we produce those A1s. it wont matter that we wouldn't have learnt how to actually analyse and DO literature because the truth is, all we need to do is to memorize and regurgitate.

and here's the thing. it does make school life so much easier. just to puke back out everything; it's easier than to actually think. --sighs--

it's the easy way out, and who doesnt like the easy path even though we know that's the less beneficial way? sad.

i'm babbling and ranting. i wish i wasnt so...multiple personality-ish. nah, i;m not that psycho. more like, multi-faceted just like everybody else. but sometimes, i wish i could just stick to ONE mood. it would ease the confusion muchos.
like today, i'm Quiet Izyanti. the one who stares blankly into space alot, walks around with a frown and murmers, not speaks.

sometimes, i'm Loud. it's fun beig Loud because along with it comes Crazy. it's happy and well, fun. but life as we know, can't be fun all the time so this mood comes and goes. it's times like these that produce Mooing moments, Geek Parading and general insanity. whee.

then there's the Mean me. it's similar to Quiet, except instead of being simply zonked out like i am now, all i do is simmer. sarcasm becomes my speech and a lot more meaner thoughts form in my mind. the only reason i dont say them is because i cant be bothered to hande the ruckus that all the hurt feelings would cause.

it's nice with my discman around. typing. tippity-tippity-tap. i cant hear anything...ms tham's saying something but i cant hear her, people are playing online games but i cant hear their cries of exultation or defeat.

it feels like im home except the table's PINK and the computer a dusty grey.

and isnt that what people always want to feel? like their at home? ok, mebbe not all. not everybody likes being at home. but i do for one. that's the reason why i tend to bring my sweater around at school even when it's not particularly cold. it reminds me of hoooommmme. there's a certain /smell/ to it that's comforting. a mix of the laundry detergent, the perfume tht i occasionally wear and something else that just makes it mine.

it's Linus's blanket in Peanuts.

miney miney mine.