the fates were against me yesterday.

*sighs*
i'm not even going to bother talking about rmun [hah who am i kidding? i'll prolly cover it later] except for the fact that i felt very warm and fuzzy seeing people walking around in my purrple stickers proudly proclaiming how Homosexuals are Homo sapiens too!..and of course happily ignoring others who muttered how lame they were. pfft you're just jealouse that your not as peppy enthusiatic and having nothing else to do with your time other than wasting the ink of your sister's purple marker like me! =D

heck i'll just talk about rmun - since i've already started ranting. hmm. everything was diddly fine; our presentations were almost down-pat but there's always a But isn't there?
for some reason that i cannot fathom, i suddenly had a Blank Out. it just whammed me out of nowhere and for 3 seconds, my brain was pfft! as if a door had suddenly slammed shut and ah yes, a power shutdown. you would havethought thing would stil be fine, cuz i had my notes in my hands so how could things have gone horribly bad?

let me tell you how.

during those three seconds, i looked at my notes and i couldn't READ them. now how weird is that? all i saw was black ink against the paper; my brain didnt recognize them as WORDS even thoug we've gone through them so so so many times and were clearly imprinted in my grey matter..it didnt matter because a Door had slammed shut and all you had was an Izyanti painfully aware that for the first time in her life, there was no buzz of thought in her brain and no not even the OMG PANIC PANIC kind - all there was left was Izyanti staring at the 'judges' apparently blankly gripped by Nothingness.

that is NOT supposed to happen to me.

CRINGE

i think it was made worse be the fact that there were only four of them. more intensity of their attention?

oh i dont know.
i'm not even sure why i'm blogging it down - further masochist-ing of myself i suppose. as if i didnt run it in my head again and again and again and even my sub-conscious wouldn't allow it to give it a rest because i dreamt about it too. except it was worse because my niggling fears and anxieties were played out in Dream Matter and everyone knows that when you're sleeping, it feels so real.

and nadya, thanks for not even bringing it up afterward or showing your..disappointment.

shit i messed it up. possibly not as badly as i think it is, not as badly as what the Obsessive version that's been running around in my head taunting me. i mean, we made them laugh - that's a good thing right? so i wasn't as smooth as i wanted to be, i didn't particularly mess up the rest :/

oh and i just told matthew on msn abt the next craapy thing that happened to me yesterday:
as of now, iZ is only known as Haiti GA. says:
i went causeway point and was basically zonked but was determinedly hunting for The Vine's album
so i was listening to my discman annoyed with the whole world in typical teenage fashion when i felt my shoe stepping into something wet and SLIMY. oh yes. i stepped into a puddle of PUKE. i ddn NOTICE the reason why ppl were avoiding the place and there was no smell - and the bloody security guard i suppose was guarding the puke puddle instead of warning blur ppl like me of it and only looked at blankly after i said 'fuck' quite loudly. strangely, i was disgusted in a..detached way. augh! it was so ickk. yellow and curd-ey. at first i thought it was one of those chinese bean desserts things but nooo.

puke it was.

i could tell by it's splash pattern.
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