i've always thought a good regression to your childhood is an effective cure for the blues. right now, all i want to do is stay at home and watch disney movies. classic cartoons like cinderella [yay!], sleeping beauty and the little mermaid. and the lion king is good too.

i suppose its the same logic when slightly psycho people hide in That little corner in their head - seems like a good idea now. i really wish i could forget being 16, taking the O's and other crappy stuff that just contaminate your life with the uber kill-joy factor.

don't you?

i do.

let's all be kids again! read books revolving around watching jack and jane climbing a tree and going on a picnic at a cold dreary beach with their dog spot. school was a mere 3 hours spent colouring playing at horror of horrors, practising your writing.

i can't remember much of my childhood though. it couldn't have been just about watching seseme street and trips to the library. i don't think i played at the playground much, i was pretty anti-social even back then. hmm i remember going to the botanic gardens. i never enjoyed that much other than feeding the swans and ducks.

i had imaginary friends. not that i actually believed in them, i had them because i heard that children my age normally had them and decided to try it out. i'll set up my plastic crockery and have picnics with myself and the air. i would try to imagine said friends but couldn't. i couldn't even try imagining imaginary friends! it just made me feel stupid because i knew that it was just me, myself and i.

sometimes, my cousins would come over, then we'd play school. we even had an attendence list! and we had spelling tests, and i always give nice stars to all my students even when they didn't actually write. scrawls were good too *nods*.

and sometimes i played cook. i'd take remnants and scraps from the kitchen like veggie stalks, mash it up and add 'condiments' like baby oil and talcum powder, wrap it up neatly in brown paper [the kind used when you take-away your food] and give it to my mum, and she'd smile. thinking about it now, she probably grimaced and threw it away the moment i left *snerk*

anyhow, i think its safe to say that it was muchos funner than handling the big O's and biyatch principals.

...............................

hurhur you know when i went back home thoroughly drained from trauma after the biology practical, i took a nap. and i dreamt.

i dreamt that i was in this weird Amazing Race thing with white water rafting [which seemed so fun and real] and going through this crazee wet market. but the mainpoint that dtruck me was the through out the whole dream, i was trying to catchup with my bio teacher, mrs wong.

i would spot her in the crowd and i'll go mrs wong mrs wong waaaait, i need to ask you something aand she'll pause and wait for me to catch up but when i came near her, she would suddenly have to go and i'll be waaaait, i need to ask you something reallly important! mrs wong! but she'd be gone. then i'll see her again and the whole routine repeats and it's just horrible.

talk about surpressed frustrations.

i've been doing a lot of that recently. i think whatever i vent out to people is only a whisper? of the surpressed scream.

i haven't blown up at anybody in a loooong time, that used to help. somebody would tick me off and i'd scream and rage and fume and seethe at said person and afterwards, i would feel all better.except now, if i do blow up, i feel guilty afterwards. so that's no fun either.

find me something fun to do people! cuz i for one can't think of any shiet that will leave me with decent euphoria. but then again, things in life don't usually happen in extremes, it's always the tiring boring mediocrity. so why look for euphoria when it's unlikely?

i'll tell you why, because the possibility is still there! just like there are pots of gold at the end of rainbows and you can marry a prince when the day before, you were sleeping with the ashes.

O HAIL THE OPTIMIST.