the most important thing to note is that I DO NOT LIKE GOING. i wake up in the morning, all draggy feet and intentionally cold showered. then i spend the travelling time unintentionally thinking/wishing for things to crop up so that omg, i don't have to go!
today's Fantasy struck me into a fit of guilt. my mum was driving me and we were going through a junction where this old ah pek was crossing the road when the man turned red [the traffic light, not the old guy] and my mum waved at him to encourage him you can do it! cross the road we believe in you!
i digress.
the thing is, when my mum did so, my brain threw itself into fantasizing what if we had knocked him down, or someone else did? then oh dear, we'd have all this drama and have to send him to the hospital then oh NO i wouldn't have been able to go to class..seriously, i was SO in it i was thinking of us crouching beside him and rushing to the hospital not caring about the blood stains on the seats
and primarily, so i could get out of going. it hit me then.
oh geez, my over-active imagination is a terrible monster. a few minutes later i confessed to my mother what had went through my mind and we had a good laugh, but nonetheless the underlying current is terribly disturbing =
but today's class was different.
i'm not really a deep-in-faith kid of person. i've always thought that religion and your relantionship with god is sacred and therefore, a private thing. hence, not something to be publicized on the internet. but, i will be slightly hypocritical and say that i think today's Difference had something to do with well, god.
the teacher that i loathe did not come today. instead was this sub who was really nice she gave us this non-peppy pep talk that left me thinking. it was disconcertingly uncanny because she said stuff that i was just grumbling to myself about 15 minutes ago.
cut: yesterday, my mum out of nowhere said that hey, maybe with your O's and everything, we could stop your classes for awhile. which is amazing because i've been tryng to get her to do that for eons and trust me, that equals to a hell lot of whining. and there she goes, without any prompting.
so now, considering all the unmentioned factors, i'm starting to think i shouldn't take up my mum's offer and stop the classes. it's only 3 hours a week and it isn't much. and it's my fault that i don't give a shit.
i don't know.
to be honest, i just finished my tuition and the fervour that i started with writing this entry has left. probably dissipated into all the trigo questions.
*sighs* here's another dead-end.
..................................
in a few hours, i'll be in a chalet with all my relatives on my fathers's side at pasir ris.
whee yay whoopidoo!
not.
it's annoying times like this that i suddenly go all panic-eyed Social Recluse. with a huge sense of dread, i know it'll be an intense painfully prolonged period of awkwardity and toilets too small to cope with that large an influx of people without going into a state of ickiness.
yay prodding questions from aunts over my academic results and even worse, love life and BOTH are embarassingly lacking.
yay sitting around with cousins i don't know what to say too so we'll all condemn each other to a loong period of silence and cries of help to other friends via that wonderful invention, handphones.
yay the possibility that they'll all be fine and i'll just condemn myself to being alone, serving only to pique the curiosity of my aunts who will then broaden their Question Topics to include what are you doing? and how come you're by yourself?
oh yeah. cheers all!
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