methinks my computer has been infected with a virus. its gone all koo-koo, the home page is some obscure webby [well, at least it's not a porn webby but still] and i cant sign into the my msn messenger! *horror of horrors!!*
..why does it take so long to scan?
whatever. i wish i had gone to the sentosa reunion...though it does look as if its gonna rain. it usnt a very 'constructive ' act by not going since it will only promote disunity and blah blah blah. my anti-social attribute kicked in i suppose. it'll probably ruin my life one day but until then, i'll be taking a nap peacefully in the cave by the cliffs of a deserted beach.
Sunday, December 07, 2003
Saturday, December 06, 2003
the CAP withdrawal symptoms are still lingering
..drove past NUS a few days ago. talk about nostalgia. haiz, it was really an aching longing to turn into those tree-lined roads and up the familiar path to the CFA. *moans and groans* i wanna do it all over again. it's over.
damn it. its true, we only started being really friends after the writing workshop on tuesday, what with the free magazines and insecure guys. and barely three days later, it was gone. why God, why???????
and now after CAP, the prospect of going back to school has grown more dreary. not to insult the pipol in my skule or whatever but gawd, im bored and sick of it all! the convos that always seem to run on the same thread, the same mentality everywhere. everything's so typical and cheena. i just cant wait to immerse myself back into the environment where half the time,their speaking chinese as i stand around, lost. i simply cant' wait to be hearin the same convos over and over again except in different words. im caught in a static dimension.
damn it. i have now seen greener pastures where i met other cows who are just like me. now i have to go back home to my stupid ol' field. it sucks big time.
can hardly wait
damn it. its true, we only started being really friends after the writing workshop on tuesday, what with the free magazines and insecure guys. and barely three days later, it was gone. why God, why???????
and now after CAP, the prospect of going back to school has grown more dreary. not to insult the pipol in my skule or whatever but gawd, im bored and sick of it all! the convos that always seem to run on the same thread, the same mentality everywhere. everything's so typical and cheena. i just cant wait to immerse myself back into the environment where half the time,their speaking chinese as i stand around, lost. i simply cant' wait to be hearin the same convos over and over again except in different words. im caught in a static dimension.
damn it. i have now seen greener pastures where i met other cows who are just like me. now i have to go back home to my stupid ol' field. it sucks big time.
can hardly wait
a few pet peeves.
1) the idiots who sell charity tickets to earn money. die scum, die!
2) ppl who 'talk' like '...... de' and '..... lorX' *rolls eyes*
3) and worse, they pair the above with typing that goes liKe tHiS fOr sOmE bLoOdY rEaSoN. oR eVeN wOrSt, tHeY uSe NUMBERS!!! what the friggin' hell!!!
4) people in pink head-to-toe
5) people who assume im a bimbotic airhead. a pissed off bitch, mebbe but gad! a bimbo??? that is the ultimate insult. i will carve ur scalp and hang it on the flagpost.
6) people who act cute. that includes those who have constant 'heeheheheX' in their blogs. either you got it, or you don't kid.
*i realize that half the female chinese population will be offended if they come upon this entry but i have something to say to you: FUCK YOU.
2) ppl who 'talk' like '...... de' and '..... lorX' *rolls eyes*
3) and worse, they pair the above with typing that goes liKe tHiS fOr sOmE bLoOdY rEaSoN. oR eVeN wOrSt, tHeY uSe NUMBERS!!! what the friggin' hell!!!
4) people in pink head-to-toe
5) people who assume im a bimbotic airhead. a pissed off bitch, mebbe but gad! a bimbo??? that is the ultimate insult. i will carve ur scalp and hang it on the flagpost.
6) people who act cute. that includes those who have constant 'heeheheheX' in their blogs. either you got it, or you don't kid.
*i realize that half the female chinese population will be offended if they come upon this entry but i have something to say to you: FUCK YOU.
Thursday, December 04, 2003
*droolydrool*, desn't he look a tad like draco?.. *swoons*
You're the smirk,a frown-smile hybrid that's a
little bit cocky and usually associated with
evil or arrogant,but attractive people.You
probably just don't give a damn,but it's
everyone else's fault if you don't because
you're too awesome to have any real faults.
What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
You're the smirk,a frown-smile hybrid that's a
little bit cocky and usually associated with
evil or arrogant,but attractive people.You
probably just don't give a damn,but it's
everyone else's fault if you don't because
you're too awesome to have any real faults.
What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are an individual,go you! You think for
yourself and don't need to wear tight shirts
and short skirts to get the attention you
want.You are somewhat depressed but try not to
let people know.That where the cutting comes
in.You're not one of thoes people who need to
be labeled and you dont have a group.You're
just you.By the way,please vote for my quiz!
What clique do you belong in?
brought to you by Quizilla
yourself and don't need to wear tight shirts
and short skirts to get the attention you
want.You are somewhat depressed but try not to
let people know.That where the cutting comes
in.You're not one of thoes people who need to
be labeled and you dont have a group.You're
just you.By the way,please vote for my quiz!
What clique do you belong in?
brought to you by Quizilla
hah! my inner child is more mature than the actual me!! o0.
My inner child is sixteen years old!
Life's not fair! It's never been fair, but while
adults might just accept that, I know
something's gotta change. And it's gonna
change, just as soon as I become an adult and
get some power of my own.
How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are Orange.
You are outgoing and optimistic. You always try to
find the bright spot in everything. You are
energetic and people are naturally attracted to
you. However, you are not always sure of what
your purpose or goals are.
Most Compatible With: Fresh Mint
Which Tic-Tac Flavor Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be
poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and
creativity, and usually are highly intelligent.
Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet
also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.
What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla
An Ode To Writer’s Block.
sitting in front of the blank screen
[the paper and pencil are no more]
the damn cursor is mocking me
my mind is facing it’s scorn
the obstacle I face is invisible
though the reality is feasible.
the words just refuse to be let out
trapped within, this mental block.
So here I am
Writing. And actually making sense
It’s all in fact, quite surprising
But that I suppose, is the magic of typing.
sitting in front of the blank screen
[the paper and pencil are no more]
the damn cursor is mocking me
my mind is facing it’s scorn
the obstacle I face is invisible
though the reality is feasible.
the words just refuse to be let out
trapped within, this mental block.
So here I am
Writing. And actually making sense
It’s all in fact, quite surprising
But that I suppose, is the magic of typing.
Wednesday, December 03, 2003
SOS
..struggling with my portfolio.
mayday, mayday! alert the authorities! we have uncovered an imposter, she is not -i repeat- NOT a writer!! ...she fooled all of us people.
mayday, mayday! alert the authorities! we have uncovered an imposter, she is not -i repeat- NOT a writer!! ...she fooled all of us people.
Tuesday, December 02, 2003
a theory on the cause of my strange recent behaviour
mocha frapp on an empty stomach.
i had eville caffeine and ONLY that running through my blood stream.
but eville tastes so goooooooooooooooooooooood 0o.
i had eville caffeine and ONLY that running through my blood stream.
but eville tastes so goooooooooooooooooooooood 0o.
Monday, December 01, 2003
..something strange happened today
i had a panic attack. 2 actually and both thoroughly freaked me out. it's been ages since i last had one [which was during the a.madz exam].
what happens when i have a attack?
suddenly, i'll feel very jittery like there's too much adrenaline in my blood and no where to let it out. it gets quite hard to breath because my mind is suddenly overwhelmed by too many thoughts. it's horrid these thoughts, it's repititive and the longer it goes on and on, the more 'cramped' it feels up there and i get more panicky, at it's worst, i actually forget to breathe [this happened at least thrice during the maths exams]. but the thoughts are really the worse sia. its like this buzzing thing that goes on and on like a tape recorder on fast forward and it doesn't stop until i get out of the situation....it's terrifying at times and drives me insane! it fills my head until
there's no space for logical thinking. god.
*i sound like a deranged loon*
well, back to what happened today. i was at wisma with my friend and out of nowhere, i felt like there were too many people around me and the ceilings were much too close and i just HAD TO GET OUT O)F THERE! and my friend was like wait-this hat so nice, -ooh, look at this pendant and i really couldn't stand it!! i was jittering so much that i thing if i ws standing still, i would have been shaking. god. there were too many people around me, i couldn't breathe properly and i felt horribly trapped...and my friend totally didnt get it. i tink she thought i was merely bored.
oh god. im not usually claustrophobic. i mean come on! i used to spend ages in the skule toilet when we skipped pe/assembly...then when we finally reached open air, it was such a sense of relief....i felt like a.deflated balloon? the tension just left. phew.
then it happened again in the mrt on the way home. i was alone this time and though it was absolutely packed, it was NOT claustrophobia. this time, it was cuz i was late and my mudder was calling areddi and i knew my dad was home and the last time i was late, he screamed at me so loud, i realli had to applaud HDB for their strong ceilings. and THAT thought alone [no, not the HDB bit] was enuff to set me off into another panic attack. the jittery feeling came back, my heart started thumping and i was breathing in shallow, raggedy [?] breaths and my hands were shaking. god, what's happening to me??
im freaked out and i think im freaking out whoever else who is reading this entry as well. god.
am i truly going nutsy koo-koo?
what happens when i have a attack?
suddenly, i'll feel very jittery like there's too much adrenaline in my blood and no where to let it out. it gets quite hard to breath because my mind is suddenly overwhelmed by too many thoughts. it's horrid these thoughts, it's repititive and the longer it goes on and on, the more 'cramped' it feels up there and i get more panicky, at it's worst, i actually forget to breathe [this happened at least thrice during the maths exams]. but the thoughts are really the worse sia. its like this buzzing thing that goes on and on like a tape recorder on fast forward and it doesn't stop until i get out of the situation....it's terrifying at times and drives me insane! it fills my head until
there's no space for logical thinking. god.
*i sound like a deranged loon*
well, back to what happened today. i was at wisma with my friend and out of nowhere, i felt like there were too many people around me and the ceilings were much too close and i just HAD TO GET OUT O)F THERE! and my friend was like wait-this hat so nice, -ooh, look at this pendant and i really couldn't stand it!! i was jittering so much that i thing if i ws standing still, i would have been shaking. god. there were too many people around me, i couldn't breathe properly and i felt horribly trapped...and my friend totally didnt get it. i tink she thought i was merely bored.
oh god. im not usually claustrophobic. i mean come on! i used to spend ages in the skule toilet when we skipped pe/assembly...then when we finally reached open air, it was such a sense of relief....i felt like a.deflated balloon? the tension just left. phew.
then it happened again in the mrt on the way home. i was alone this time and though it was absolutely packed, it was NOT claustrophobia. this time, it was cuz i was late and my mudder was calling areddi and i knew my dad was home and the last time i was late, he screamed at me so loud, i realli had to applaud HDB for their strong ceilings. and THAT thought alone [no, not the HDB bit] was enuff to set me off into another panic attack. the jittery feeling came back, my heart started thumping and i was breathing in shallow, raggedy [?] breaths and my hands were shaking. god, what's happening to me??
im freaked out and i think im freaking out whoever else who is reading this entry as well. god.
am i truly going nutsy koo-koo?
--of walls and barriers--
an ache in my chest
alien and foreign
that shouldn't be
what has happened
to the heart of stone?
is the wall i built crumbling?
spending the days and nights
alone.
isolated.
within my walls
i put the walls back up again
they're weaker i know
one day
it'll come crashing down
hurting me -worse- i know
an ache in my chest
alien and foreign
that shouldn't be
what has happened
to the heart of stone?
is the wall i built crumbling?
spending the days and nights
alone.
isolated.
within my walls
i put the walls back up again
they're weaker i know
one day
it'll come crashing down
hurting me -worse- i know
me winky- super house elf!!!
...wahahaha, in the span of two hours, i have:
1] cleaned my room
2] battled the vacuum monster and tamed it so that i was able to vacuum the entire lower floor except the kitchen
3] wash a sinkful of dishes
4] do the laundry!!!
*this is sad. i am getting my power rush from completing an unusual number of chores in an unusually short period of time. but hey, i normally wuld haf taken an entire day to do the abovementioned 'activities' accompanied by loads of grumbling but NOT today!!! geez- did my mudder slip ::something:: into my dinner last nite?
1] cleaned my room
2] battled the vacuum monster and tamed it so that i was able to vacuum the entire lower floor except the kitchen
3] wash a sinkful of dishes
4] do the laundry!!!
*this is sad. i am getting my power rush from completing an unusual number of chores in an unusually short period of time. but hey, i normally wuld haf taken an entire day to do the abovementioned 'activities' accompanied by loads of grumbling but NOT today!!! geez- did my mudder slip ::something:: into my dinner last nite?
Sunday, November 30, 2003
the byooty of procrastination
i do not think it is very conceited of me to proclaim that i am the master [mistress does NOT sound good] of procrastination.
so there.
let's explain in detail how procrastination occurs and the byooty and joy that come with it.
procrastination is seeing a pile of homework or whatever staring [glaring, more like] right at you, calling and beseeching you to just move your arse and get it done.
but you dont.
so you sit there, wasting time doing nothing at all in complete bliss that chosen ignorence provides
it calls out to you again and again and again for the next few days, weeks, months..and you still dont. gawd! what a sense of power!!
....then, finally....
you move your arse.
you sit down and do whatever you have to do and there's just this energy about it..they mysticism of 'last-minute rituals' and it is absofuckingly fantastic! cuz hey, i do GREAT last minute work.
when i have all the time in the world [which is not often but there ARE times] i ponder about the bloody thing do much, obsess over the little stuff and just ruin the whole friggin' thing.
the last time i had a last minute magic moment was the eve of teacher's day when i stayed up till 3 am struggling with corrugated cardboard, newspaper and wires that were bent upon poking every digit that i owned to create a number of collage cards whichi have to say, were pretty good. heheh.
let procrastination reign forever!!!
so there.
let's explain in detail how procrastination occurs and the byooty and joy that come with it.
procrastination is seeing a pile of homework or whatever staring [glaring, more like] right at you, calling and beseeching you to just move your arse and get it done.
but you dont.
so you sit there, wasting time doing nothing at all in complete bliss that chosen ignorence provides
it calls out to you again and again and again for the next few days, weeks, months..and you still dont. gawd! what a sense of power!!
....then, finally....
you move your arse.
you sit down and do whatever you have to do and there's just this energy about it..they mysticism of 'last-minute rituals' and it is absofuckingly fantastic! cuz hey, i do GREAT last minute work.
when i have all the time in the world [which is not often but there ARE times] i ponder about the bloody thing do much, obsess over the little stuff and just ruin the whole friggin' thing.
the last time i had a last minute magic moment was the eve of teacher's day when i stayed up till 3 am struggling with corrugated cardboard, newspaper and wires that were bent upon poking every digit that i owned to create a number of collage cards whichi have to say, were pretty good. heheh.
let procrastination reign forever!!!
the teachers who deserve a beach house at bintan for their retirement
..this entry is dedicated to all the teachers who have at some point or other done un-teacherly stuff [read: been nice to
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