(NOT THAT I AM EMO-ING OKAY)

But a recent conversation with a friend has gotten me thinking about love. And I figured, that love is tenderness. Its tenderness towards the other person, and its also the tenderness that comes from putting yourself at that point of vulnerability, and also the irrational way how your reaction to the person's actions are disproportionately amplified.

I am glad to have loved, anyhow.

Also, I don't quite understand uh, people who feel the need to keep their relationship a secret from other people. I get not-flaunting-it-about, but the secrecy? I find it strange, and slightly shady.

Also, I am STILL very disturbed by this couple I know who I had once thought to be pretty cool and chill, but then witnessed him being super-rude/dismissive to her. At least, intolerably rude according to my standards. Excuse me, I don't take that kind of attitude from anybody and I always thought she was kind of like me in that regard, AND in light of the whole chris brown/rihanna debacle, it just leaves me D:

LOL at me for living via other people's relationships since I am oh so alone/single now. How nosy.

In any case, so despite my rather rosy thoughts about love as mentioned earlier, I am starting to think that relationships (or at least the ones that surround me) are all pretty screwed up. Anisha was joking with me earlier tonight: pointing to the Fullerton Hotel, she said, "That's where I'm getting married in 6 years time."

"6 years?? But that would make us..."

"27."

"Yeah, 27 would be a good time to get married -

"That's the plan. Either that or you're going to find me at the bottom of the river."

"I'll join you."

Such fatalism! Which does not so much come from the cynicism/pessimism of not being able to find a person who you will love a lot-lot, but for me at least, the apprehension that I will be able to sustain (forever) the relationship through everything else that I'm passing through for the next few years. If the aim is Ultimate Long-Term relationship, I'm pretty sure I'm going to fail that one.

You would think that the fear is not being able to find somebody you want to live with forever (in the mortal sense) in the next few years, but its really that I don't think I will be ready in the next few years.

Then what?