i've been thinking what being 17 has meant to me after i watched this docu-show on mtv on a couple of famous people when they were 17.

has it been awesome? well, not really, considering how non-descriptish i've been in cjc. but on the other and much happier hand, there's the EBS. a recent conversation with bern who was musing how much more she wants to achieve:

"you're already an over-achiever!"
"but i'm not over-achieving enough -"

and that, is the essence of how i've been this year too.

yesterday i came home from school absolutely and thoroughly zonked.

1045: arrived in school, wandered around wondering where my malay projectmates were.

1055: i embark on a quest to get my mentorship form signed by the principal. after much deliberation and noises of disbelief, i am told that he is not in school and that i should leave the form in school so i can pick them up on monday. "BUT THAT WOULD MEAN I HAVE TO TRAVEL TO SCHOOL ON MONDAY AND I DON'T WANT TO SPEND MORE TIME HERE THAN I HAVE TO", i want to whine, but i resist.

1100: into siberia aka school library to fiddle with portfolio while waiting. had an encounter with art classmate, who's doing major research work on van gogh. you know, reading those huge and dusty tomes. had a burst of procrastination-induced guilt, because i haven't started. the horrors.

1105: Groupmate1 messages - she just woke up.

1120: Groupmate2 messages - he too, just woke up. brilliant.

meanwhile, i'm freezing my bloody arse off, and pondering the age-old question - "what the hell am i doing here?"

1230: Groupmate1 arrives. we work out the project lenghtily, and finish in 20 minutes, in english. it is decided that we shall entask the ardous job of translating our scribble into malay to Groupmember2 who never showed up.

1250: wanders over to the dark (really, it is) shelves of the malay section and pick up a book of malay essays in an attempt to somewhat, prepare for the A Level Malay orals later on.

1255: decide that it is all very boring, and also, that i do not like Malaysian propoganda.

1400: *toddles of to this specially built Teaching Development Center that's quite nicely done, with actually GOOD sculptures around. but, like all school development projects go, this room is apparently only used for aforementioned oral exams*

1405: Groupmate1 realizes that today's exam, is NOT an internal examination hurrah

1440: i screw up my oral paper.

1445: very much dejected, i come across desmond, and wail about the horribility of it. he says he too, horribilified his, but i don't believe him. stupid efficiently bilingual people.

1500: spend more time in siberia with portfolio, reasoning that i certainly won't do it when i get back. i pick another spot to sit that from experience is not as siberia-ish. i expect it's more, canada. gee my library is international.

1645: librarian toddles over, and asks me what i'm doing (illustrating some stuff). she says, "wow other people go out party after exams, you're still here ah." oh this is great, i am OFFICIALLY THE LIBRARY-HOVEL HOBBIT. this will do wonders for my (non-existent social life) i'm sure.

1715: dash out of the library, to make my point that i am NOT A NO LIFER THAT SHE THINKS I AM to the librarian. well, not really.

i spot the principal's huge SUV in the car park. for a moment, i wonder why he has such a huge car when he uh, doesn't have a huge family with all that celibacy shebang. but this means! HE IS IN SCHOOL AND I CAN GET IT SIGNED NOW

1755: i find out that in general office terms, "now" can mean 40 bloody minutes. but it is time well spent! i read three NIE newletters, and discover that trainee teachers are "hip and happening" as seen in the extensive article on their Dinner & Dance. brilliant, old fogeys doing the limbo rock - THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO BE WHEN GROW UP MUM.

1800: goes home

1850: NTUC HAS NOT RESTOCKED ON CRANBERRIES. this makes me very sad, and i literally drag my feet home.

1900: shuffle around home, had dinner, but didn't really eat it.

2030: falls asleep on bedroom floor.

2300: "why are you still in your school uniform?", my very concerned mother asks. she quite obviously, has overlooked the whole collapsing on the floor business.

0500: wake up when handphone alarm goes off. supposed to do art, but hell i'm rebellious and i uh, don't.

0800: wakes up finally after i wear out the Snooze button, with the realization that i have debate later on.





and so, as i dragged myself to school (once more), on the bus, trying to sleep without leaning my head against the grossly head-greasy window, stuck in a traffic jam, I WONDER WHETHER I HAVE BITTEN MORE THAT I CAN CHEW.

this is what it feels like:

*chokes*

because with applying for cap things, and the art exam prepping, and the debate nationals *dies* which is next weekend, which is also the day when we'll be filming the thing for temasek sem, and i really want to be in the video and did i mention, the deadline for the portfolio is the day before my art paper and shit, i shouldn't even be here but i am.

would i want any less? somehow, and god knows why, no. i just really wish they wouldn't co-incide all in one go so that i somehow, can BREATHE.

geez.