everybody's falling ill,

my grandma's in the hospital with some odd fever of unknown cause that refuses to go away, and both my sister and brother have pretty high temperatures too.

i am officially Florence Nightingale until my dad comes home from work in a few hours. its one thing to fall ill yourself, but pretty scary watching everybody else being attacked by foreign pathogens. and rather scary too, when their depending on you to take care of them - not so for the siblings, cos that's probably just the common flu. but when it came to my grandma, when the other day it was just me and my mum with her, and she was really frail and my mum had to leave the room to get something, i was actually for a moment caught in this fear that something would happen, and oh god its only me in the room WHAT WOULD I DO.

and then i figured that i was the oldest kid in the family, so in the future, when a similar situation were to happen, i'd have to be the responsible one and i don't even know anything about hospital admission, or bills or Medisave/Medishield (yes, i know we learnt about it in social studies, but that is not the point!)

i hope i won't screw up.

then the other day, i accompanied my mum to the hospital, when they just sent my grandma there and seeing all the well-meaning but rather blur (it was 3am), i kinda realized: just what the hell am i doing?

a GRAPHIC DESIGNER/ILLUSTRATOR?

just how in the world is that going to contribute to society, apart from making things aesthetically-pleasing, which when people are DYING, means nothing at all. so, i'm going to have to do something about that aspect, yes. i mean, i've thought about it before, in the hypothetical situation of scholarship interviews, and they ask 'how do you feel, can you contribute to society?'

and i would and still, draw a blank. it would, i suppose, help develop the growth of the design/art/culture environment in sterilesingapore, which is somewhat important, but relatively trivial in comparison.

so, i'm proud of you gennie the Future Doctor. i didn't use to really understand your sudden switch in careerpath, but i think now i do =)



my sister just yelled from upstairs for three ice-cubes, so i suppose she must be feeling better.