huh.

self-censorship. i don't think i've found myself doing this, at least, not consciously. so not to worry, i'm NOT being PAP-ized! it's just a niggling undercurrent whenever i start blogging or am thinking about blogging. but then again, maybe its an excuse i use to make up for my lack of entries and therefore, lack of material to be blogged about, so THERE. hurhur.

i don't know (do we ever?). and i don't think i would ever want to start up a private blog.

cue: paradox.

on the basis of principles, i think starting a private blog in co-existence with a public one isn't being very honest to your "audience" and is already a form of self-censorship. you're already segregating what you say into private and public categorizations, and i don't think that's very different from publicizing some opinions, and keeping the rest silent by not saying it out loud.

also, i think having an audience so to speak forces us to grow up. i would imagine that if i allow myself to come up with a private blog that has no readership of the people i know, i would literally lose control and rant and rant and rant with much prejudice, angst and lack of thought. because when "nobody" reads it, you don't have to worry about being fair or remotely intelligent. do you really need proof? all i have to do to convince myself how things will turn out private-blogging would be to find one of my old diaries, read it and try not to die cringing. so even though this means scurrying away the facet of immaturity etc and therefore not being true to yourself, maybe this is a good thing after all. a blog doesn't necessarily have to mean you become an open book. the question is, do i really want other people to be able to confirm what an immature arse i am?

of course not. i will be an enigma! i'm going to keep you buggers guessing moohar.

also. the attention loving slut that i (sometimes) am, thrives on readership. *shakes head sadly* and for a moment, you guys thought i had achieved inner zen and enlightenment, and i just HAD to ruin it with the above statement.

ah well. enough bush-beating about self-censorship, moooooooving on!

my cough is slowly killing my brain. eveytime i launch into a coughing spasm, my brain feels like it's bouncing off against my skull and oh dear gawd can you imagine hpw many neurones may be dying at this rate?! the horror the horror. on a happier note, my medication is a full force sleep-inducing concoction! according to mother dearest, the cough syrup that i'm taking is actually a morphone derivative - which explains the wonderfully woozy light-headiness i felt before falling into a 6 hour nap.

morphine. cool.

i have learnt however, that a scoop of mango sorbet, a square of cadbury dairy milk chocolate, a few ikan bilis, a handful of yummalicious raisins, and a canned longan indeed, does make a difference. ask my raw throat and aching stomach (from the surpressed coughing fits). Lesson: LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHE, but also realzie that you will not when faced with uh, tempting treats and that therefore, you will suffer anyway.

sighy-sigh. V-day next monday. and yes i want to do something non-platonic this year, but knowing my aversion towards emotionally traumatizing/humiliating situations, i most likely won't be doing anything. if you're reading this, 'guy-on-the-bus', dammit, i lalalalalala-ike you! and i have no idea why either, so poo.

yes. i was planning to sms everybody a Happy Chinese New Year!! this morning, but because i woke up at 1625 all woozy, i uhh forgot. so here it is: happy chinese new year to:
- the convalently bonded clique!
- 1t11
- 1to1
- random cjc-ers
- random blog readers

i love you all, like omg i can't believe i won! i'd like to thank my mother, my father, my parents, the people who failed and therefore, allowed me to win, my Eville Minions -

oops. wrong speech.