all right all right, i'm forcing myself to blog here. the reason for my sudden lack of entries? i don't know, i'm starting to feel stupid blogging, with the assumption that people are actually interested in what this 16-going-on-17 wants to say. like, omg why do you care?!

really.

and yet, here i am. the truth is, i'm having a lot of fun in jc. the class just ISN'T 406 (can anything ever be?), but that notwithstanding, i am having a good time. i'm doing fairly well in class, the teachers don't think i'm a delinquent(!) and i'm sooper-sooper enthusiastic in all my CCAs.

i really do want to take over the school *eville laugh* such is the extent of my ambition. yes, i do realize it is rather impractical but you know i have an affinity towards hyperboles! i'm having fun meeting new people, some i like, some i don't. some with whom i can see the potential of the beginnings of a Wondrous friendship (fellow aries!), and some one to fix my hurhur devotions upon. i suppose this is what 'living life to it's fullest' means, and wow it feels great.

things aren't all fluffy and whee-ing of course. there's a lot of work, and i'm currently procrastinating, and there are moments of uncertainty and strain. but somehow, in my Moment of IntenseOptimism, i'm looking at it in such a way that the dark bits will make the uh brighter bits well. brighter.

oh dear gawd i male myself sick with all this talk of optimism and happiness. the next think you know, a furry pink bunny will jump out of the screen as you read this:

BOO!

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HAH. the above was written 2 days ago.

i have since been ripped out of 1t11, abducted by a rather nice alien and plunked into 1t01. i suppose all is finey-fine, and i cannot count how many times i have said, 'yeah the class is nice. their really making an effort to make me feel comfortable' *smiling weakly*.

and yet.

it's a paradox really. when i'm with 1t01, i think about ye Olde class, and how i miss our little quirks. then when i pop over, i realize that even though i sincerely do miss them, their not as peeeerfect as i had made it out to be (d'oh!). and when i'm in either, i feel guilty referring to the other as 'my class'. so, as usual, like everything else, i'm stuck in the middle. what do i want!

I WANT STABILITY DAMMIT.

and really, that is a first for me because i usually appreciate change. it's interesting, and brings interesting moments but this time, with the sudden overload of work, cca and sleep depravation, waaah. it makes me feel like yelling, stop the room from spinning - i wanna get off! and the whirligig of time brings upon us it's revenges. it honestly feels like each time i pass a test (okay fine, YOU think of a better analogy when you're dead-ed), a higher bar is set for me to jump, and all i feel like doing is to go, waaaaait i need to crash. and actually, literally do.

yes.

today's cross country, fun. i raaan with ye olde class, felt kinda guilty. but uh. i dunno. anyhoo! it was fun running in the woody areas of mac ritchie, absolutely demoralizing running past speeding trucks at the expressway and breathing in volumes of carbon monoxide. wei qi my running buddy! though she uh, disappeared suddenly when i accompanied alex to the loo. who then too disappeared when she went of to look for a teacher, talked to siew ching, and then we both disappeared. a day of chesire cat-ing. re-joined the New Class, pranked-pointed at nothing in the sky (hurhur!), climbed a few gates/fences, stank up the bus and went through the messy motions of deciding where to eat.

yayness. he sat beside me on the bus today. if i had more energy, i'd translate it into massive amounts of exclamation marks, but fortunately for you dear reader, i don't! what luck! he sat beside me - and the irony, oh the irony! i was flipping through The Picture of Dorian Gray because i was going to return it today. irony seems to plague much of my life, how darkly amoosing. i wish his friend was not there (and i know nadya agrees with me on this, except for a completely different reason). on a sad-er note, he saw me running towards the finishing line during today's cross-country, and i cringed immediately the moment i saw him. i only had to pop by the loo to confirm my worst fear: a flushing SCARLET and mussed up hair. oh why oh why am i accursed to have him see me in my worst moments?! sigh-y sigh. i swear, i have tomato genes mingling in my bludde.









































also also the daaaaanger of blogs. *flashing alarm* it perturbs me, with uh links to my blog on other people's blogs, and some of them directly/indirectly knowing dorian gray. the risk cannot be ignored, it could! so haha let me amoose/terrify myself with the possibility: hello there, i lalalalalalala-like you!