early in the morning after episode of Disorientation..
izyanti was sitting quitely on the courtyard contemplating the fact that for completely illogical reasons, she was in fact at school when bouncy friend [ie.gennie] bounces up to her
"iz iz, what did you get for aini's birthday?"
"huh? aini's birthday?"
"um, it's today isnt it?"
"today? naaaaah - wait, oh skoodeedooda! oh shit oh shit, this is baaad oh frock! - oh. my. gawd. if TODAY'S aini's birthdaaaay...then yesterday would have been..my DAD'S birthday!! *flabbergasted* oh shiiiiiiiit"
the detrimental effects of too much sleep. really, who would have thought??
anyway, it turned out that daddy dearest himself forgot! mwaha. i called mudder in the middle of school for the fun of it only to find out that she too, as his wife, forgot as well! *snerk* her reaction was much much amplified lol.
_______________________________________________________
at Faber
it was muchos fun, hot and sticky but fun nontheless because well, it's something new for me! its no surprise that i don't usually spend my weekend in foresty areas but hey, it was worth it.
so what WAS i doing there? it had turned out to be the 'sekrit location' of the CAP alumni outing and uh, i ended up being laaaate.
honestly, i dont really think that this episode was my fault. kass called me up when i was in the bus to tell me that hey, it might be at 2 instead of 1. so i cleverly decided to drop by IMM for my proper lunch and yadda yadda when i was waiting for my public transport chariot, they called me to ask politely, WHERE THE HELL I WAS. *sighs* and technically, since i did think it was at 2, i wasn't late! =D
interjection: i was at the supermarket there looking for um, more food before i gave up cuz the lines at the cashier were bloody long and ironically, i didnt want to be late. i was too lazy to trek back [hey, it was those giant hypermarts kaaay!] so i decided to squeeze out through one of the closed cashier aisled that had been blocked with at line of trolleys so you can imagine how narrow it was. i had to inch sideways and in the process, something plastic and SHARP scratched my face so ow ow nevermind, i adopted Dory's motto and just keep walking walking walking when i later on caught my reflection somwhere and the scratch was no small thing at ALL. it was red and swell-y. PANIC but breathe breathe, it'll go down, just a titchy scratch no biggie, or so i told myself.
at the end of the day when i had conveniently forgotten abt its prescence, but oh nooo. good ol siak and this chinese high huy brought attention to it and hah, get this, they said i look like..Action Woman.
cheers to you, man. always wanted to be a superhero; bring on the spandex and cape! yeah right, lol.
i have a rakish scar yeah!
anyways, im my mid-panic on the bus, i /actually/ managed to concoct up a decent poem! something that is really rare i think, to have um, inspiration strike up in the middle of nowhere :/
in the midst of furiously sending out psychic thought-waves to Mr. A B Lye [ie. bus driver i'm sorry - i mean, bus captain] to pleeeease step on the gas pedal cuz geez, that's what its for when i realized that i'm always caught in a situation when i'm tardy; so here it goes!
an ode to the perpetually late
i know i know
ten minutes ago
i should have been There
instead of still Here
i rush i rush
but to no effect
the constantly late
can't beat the clock
i didn't mean to, really i swear
the bus was late!
the traffic was bad!
it isn't my fault at all!
i'll blame the sky
and the rain that falls
before i
...grudgingly admit,
i lost track of time.
its not that i dawdle
its not that i dally
- seperate entities,
the clock and i.
____________________
merf, probably the most decent thing i wrote yesterday *shudders remembering her incoherent scrawls in her notebook*. will elaborate later -
ANYWAYS, somehow in all the flurry-burry [gawd, what a funny word] i managed to confoose myself into thinking that they were all waiting at harbourfront's cable car station so i literally ran around, realizing that shopping centres are very conducive places for 2.4, got lost, had to ask directions from TOURISTS before finally getting to the bloody station. where i then found out that whoopeedoo, they weren't there at all and shiit, i just got mixed up. AND they were already making their way to Faber. and gawd, if i cant even get around harbourfront, NO WAY am i going to attempt trekking up Faber myself and here's the slightly embarassing thing: its been EONS since ive been there and i have completely FORGOTTEN where it was anyways.
so there i was, panting, sweaty [sorry - i mean, glowing] no doubt like a neon tomato :/ much to the curious stares of tourists. i hope i ddnt give them the wrong impression of singapore youths. i swear, we're not usually that dishevelled!
i was annoyed with myself and not to happy about my wild goose chase so clever-osity of me, the only thing i came up with is "TAKE CABLE CAR". even the reality of it costing $7.50 didn't hit my perhaps dehydrated brain.
the whole ride was stupiak, i didnt realize it was so close by *sheepish* felt like knocking my head against the car walls but ddnt of course cuz i ddnt like the idea of an um, dramatic accident further marring my afternoon lol. and it wasnt even scenic! i went over the bloody roads augh. i listened to the audio tour guide in french, they sure take a long time to say 'green foresty supposed mountain' :P
but i forgave myself for my own stupidity when i finally got there cuz really, its not often that i get to see such an awesome view and um, ambience! it's beautiful really, tourist-enhanced but nonetheless, simply lahv-ly.
there was this bar/cafe thing with starbucks-style chairs on the open deck looking out to the river opening up to the sea. it was breezy, they were playing The Corrs's greatest hits, i was playing with this pretty cat oh oh all was right with the world *beams* i feel like going back one day, just for the sake of it.
the rest of them reached maybe 10ish minutes later and honestly i felt a lil bad for kinda cheating. they had to trek all the way up and kass was wearing according to her, 'not-so-comfy' slippers.
um, the ice-breaker games i felt were kinda painful. not literally duh, but very much so to the social insecure in me who suddenlt decided to rear its ugly head up. there was this game when we had to humour-ify scientific facts and when kass called my name my brain literally went blank and started screaming "HOLE! HOLE! FIND HOLE TO CRAWL IN!" and honestly, who /can/ be funny with loud intrusive voices in your head shouting at you?? huh? huh?
..i was just, um, intimidated by the sudden onslaught of new faces i think.
did a spot of writing, really bad stuff and ended up sketching the Ye Olde Giant Tree.
the game we played afterwards was muchos fun though! um, some of us were blindfolded [including yours truly] and were made to do stupid stuff and simply said, exploited in front of the discerning lens of vincent's camcorder *sighs* gawd, how stupid can you get?
maan, it was LAME to the extreme and therein, the fun-osity of it all. made to jump over 'drains' though i stuck my foot out to feel around and there were clearly NONE. doofus. but still, i went along with it accompanied by a cry of 'cowabunga!'
and they made me climb on to the merlion thingy and THEY ended up grossed out when i accidentaly stuck my finger in some decaying leaf gunk.
and i ended up groping Raffles. snerk! geez, isnt tht some form of blasphemy? *shrugs*
oh and i stuck my hand into the camcorder lens as well so hah!
gawd, i am SO going to cringe when i see the video lol
toodle-oo, mother dearest wants to play inklink. lol
Thursday, May 20, 2004
Wednesday, May 19, 2004
more cassandra claire *beams*
an excerpt
"When Draco was six years old, his father had given him a bird to carry his mail. The other children Draco knew had friendly owls, or the occasional bluebird, but Draco's father gave him a falcon, with bright black eyes and a beak that curved like the mark on a Sickle.
The falcon did not like Draco, and Draco didn't like it either. Its sharp beak made him nervous, and its bright eyes always seemed to be watching him. It would slash at him with beak and talons when he came near: for weeks, his wrists and hands were always bleeding. He did not know it, but his father had selected a falcon that had lived in the wild for over a year, and thus was nearly impossible to tame. But Draco tried, because his father had told him to make the falcon obedient, and he wanted to please his father.
He stayed with the falcon constantly, keeping it awake by talking to it and even playing music to it, because a tired bird was meant to be easier to tame. He learned the equipment: the jesses, the hood, the brail, the leash that bound the bird to his wrist. He was meant to keep the falcon blind, but he could not do it - instead he tried to sit where the bird could see him as he touched and stroked its wings, willing it to trust him. He fed it from his hand, and at first it would not eat: later it ate so savagely that its beak cut the skin of his palm. But he was glad, because it was progress, and because he wanted the bird to know him, even if it had to consume his blood to make that happen.
He began to see that the falcon was beautiful, that its slim wings were built for speed of flight, that it was strong and swift, fierce and gentle. When it dived to the ground, it moved like forked lightning. When it learned to circle and come to his wrist, he nearly cried with delight. Sometimes the bird would hop to his shoulder and put its beak in his hair. He knew his falcon loved him, and when he was certain it was not just tamed but perfectly tamed, he went to his father, and showed him what he had done, expecting him to be proud.
Instead, his father took the bird, now tame and trusting, in his hands, and broke its neck. "I told you to make it obedient," his father said, and dropped the falcon's lifeless body to the ground. "Instead, you taught it to love you. Falcons are not meant to be loving pets: they are fierce and wild, savage and cruel. This bird was not tamed; it was broken."
Later, when his father left him, Draco cried over his pet, until eventually his father sent a house-elf to take the body of the bird away and bury it. Draco never cried again, and he never forgot what he learned: that to be loved was to destroy, and that to love was to be the one destroyed."
an excerpt
"When Draco was six years old, his father had given him a bird to carry his mail. The other children Draco knew had friendly owls, or the occasional bluebird, but Draco's father gave him a falcon, with bright black eyes and a beak that curved like the mark on a Sickle.
The falcon did not like Draco, and Draco didn't like it either. Its sharp beak made him nervous, and its bright eyes always seemed to be watching him. It would slash at him with beak and talons when he came near: for weeks, his wrists and hands were always bleeding. He did not know it, but his father had selected a falcon that had lived in the wild for over a year, and thus was nearly impossible to tame. But Draco tried, because his father had told him to make the falcon obedient, and he wanted to please his father.
He stayed with the falcon constantly, keeping it awake by talking to it and even playing music to it, because a tired bird was meant to be easier to tame. He learned the equipment: the jesses, the hood, the brail, the leash that bound the bird to his wrist. He was meant to keep the falcon blind, but he could not do it - instead he tried to sit where the bird could see him as he touched and stroked its wings, willing it to trust him. He fed it from his hand, and at first it would not eat: later it ate so savagely that its beak cut the skin of his palm. But he was glad, because it was progress, and because he wanted the bird to know him, even if it had to consume his blood to make that happen.
He began to see that the falcon was beautiful, that its slim wings were built for speed of flight, that it was strong and swift, fierce and gentle. When it dived to the ground, it moved like forked lightning. When it learned to circle and come to his wrist, he nearly cried with delight. Sometimes the bird would hop to his shoulder and put its beak in his hair. He knew his falcon loved him, and when he was certain it was not just tamed but perfectly tamed, he went to his father, and showed him what he had done, expecting him to be proud.
Instead, his father took the bird, now tame and trusting, in his hands, and broke its neck. "I told you to make it obedient," his father said, and dropped the falcon's lifeless body to the ground. "Instead, you taught it to love you. Falcons are not meant to be loving pets: they are fierce and wild, savage and cruel. This bird was not tamed; it was broken."
Later, when his father left him, Draco cried over his pet, until eventually his father sent a house-elf to take the body of the bird away and bury it. Draco never cried again, and he never forgot what he learned: that to be loved was to destroy, and that to love was to be the one destroyed."
disorienting slumber.
i am currently woozy from some pathogens trying to take over my immune system. my head aches and most importantly, i am unusually quiet.
*sighs*
you know how people get jetlag from travelling to far within a too short period of time resulting in yadda yadda yadda disorientation? well, guess what?
i've got naplag.
i suppose it comes with the whole package of having a cold/flu thing. let's see, i slept 75% of the day away at school - the other 25% was spent receiving more horrid results oh the funness of it all.
went home, took a looong nap woke up at 7 took a nap, woke up at 11 went online slept at 2 woke up at 9 had breakfast slept till 5 woke up slacked around reading mediocre book took short naps every once in a while and here i am now.
therefore it is logical to conclude that,
Problem: slept too much too many times withing one day.
Result: woke up not very sure what day it was because it felt like another day entirely and wondering when a tornado hit my room and just a general feel of complete confoooooosion.
it was like each period - whether it was 15 minutes or 3 hours - of sleep engulfed me absolutely into a depth of unconsciousness that erases my sense of time...which really is never a comfortable feeling to have each time you wake up.
_______________________________________________
i realize i have this bad habit of never having my full attention on somebody when im talking to them. i'll be thoroughly listening and replying but my eyes are always wandering and more often than not, i end up staring at someone who might be or not a complete stranger.
what makes it a strange habit is that it does appear very weird to have somebody blankly stare at you with somewhat indifference while she's in conversation with somebody else.
and the disturbing thing is, what im doing is actually etching down the subtle nuances of that person's face for the sake of it i suppose.
i have vivid snatches of time captured in memory of your faces all of you and yes i know how stalker-ish this all sounds. from the way your hair falls and the crinkle of your smile or frown to little details like freckles and zits and the precise angle of light that hits your face.
ooh creepy much.
im ranting i know. im not making sense am i?
i am currently woozy from some pathogens trying to take over my immune system. my head aches and most importantly, i am unusually quiet.
*sighs*
you know how people get jetlag from travelling to far within a too short period of time resulting in yadda yadda yadda disorientation? well, guess what?
i've got naplag.
i suppose it comes with the whole package of having a cold/flu thing. let's see, i slept 75% of the day away at school - the other 25% was spent receiving more horrid results oh the funness of it all.
went home, took a looong nap woke up at 7 took a nap, woke up at 11 went online slept at 2 woke up at 9 had breakfast slept till 5 woke up slacked around reading mediocre book took short naps every once in a while and here i am now.
therefore it is logical to conclude that,
Problem: slept too much too many times withing one day.
Result: woke up not very sure what day it was because it felt like another day entirely and wondering when a tornado hit my room and just a general feel of complete confoooooosion.
it was like each period - whether it was 15 minutes or 3 hours - of sleep engulfed me absolutely into a depth of unconsciousness that erases my sense of time...which really is never a comfortable feeling to have each time you wake up.
_______________________________________________
i realize i have this bad habit of never having my full attention on somebody when im talking to them. i'll be thoroughly listening and replying but my eyes are always wandering and more often than not, i end up staring at someone who might be or not a complete stranger.
what makes it a strange habit is that it does appear very weird to have somebody blankly stare at you with somewhat indifference while she's in conversation with somebody else.
and the disturbing thing is, what im doing is actually etching down the subtle nuances of that person's face for the sake of it i suppose.
i have vivid snatches of time captured in memory of your faces all of you and yes i know how stalker-ish this all sounds. from the way your hair falls and the crinkle of your smile or frown to little details like freckles and zits and the precise angle of light that hits your face.
ooh creepy much.
im ranting i know. im not making sense am i?
Monday, May 17, 2004
post-Troy.
first of all, let me make it clear: i do not usually like action-packed blockbuster movies. their not really my thing.
and yet, i went to watch a supremely over-hyped, publicity driven flick and gawd, am i glad i did!
at first, i was like oooh, brad pitt naked - cool! then i forgot all about the genius costume designer and her strategically 'loose' tunics for the guys cuz honestly, eric bana and peter o'toole were fantastic in the movie. as actors, they were simply wow. and of course it doesnt hurt that bana is rather good-looking as well.
pitt carried of his role as achilles well but it cannot be denied that the former two were simply better actors.
*sniff* everybody i liked died and to add um, salt to the bloody injury, orlando bloom DIDNT.
stupid annoying kid.
this movie has only confirmed how much i do not like the roles that he plays. i thought he was rather bimbotic in lotr and in pirates, an asshole for *gasp* abandoning jack sparrow [ie. the Reason why i watched the flick] and generally annoying and in this one, the wimpy kid brother who gets his whole country into trouble and indirectly causing the death of both his father and brother. and even worse, he then killed achilles even though he had saved his cousin! what an eeee-deeyot!and geez, it was painful to watch him challenge the enemy on a one-on-one battle and pathetically losing; the guy was clinging onto the leg of his brother who in the end, as usual, had to save him *rolls eyes*.
and here's something to note and i dont think ints something to be much proud of though. i cried during the bloody movie. er...and it seemed to make logical sense to because I thought they were valid tears but uh, i suppose not because i asked around among those who have watched it [and YOU 0 reader who i hope tp ask on the future; yes im asking you to watch it] and they admit that it was heart-wrenching but yeah well, its just me.
i dunno...the fight scenes really disturbed me i think. im rather desensitized to all those war and huge bomb explosion thingys but the battles and clashing legions of men in heheh, short skirts and armour weilding elogated toothpicks looked too real and struck a nerve i suppose cuz i kept relating the scenes to wars presently going on and how they were dying as well.
so THAT already managed to rouse me emotions. --"
but what really turned on the taps [hey hey, not GUSHING okaaay - more like dripping] were the moments of horrid injustice when the literally good hector died and was dragged off cruelly to the enemy camp and when king priam swallowed his pride and went to arcilles pleading for the body of his son so that he would be allowed the honourable funeral that he deserved and was later on cowardly stabbed in the back by the asshole argemennon.
it was all a gradual build-up to amazing scenes saturated in emotion and symbolism and hey, its not my fault if you only notice the gore and hot guys. Hail the director and screenplay writer.
its not often that a blatantly mainstream movie manages emotional and um, deeper depth and i suppose THT'S what makes the movie so wow.
note: i ddnt watch the Gladiator cuz i dont like russel crowe, mwaha.
..or maybe, the reason for my supposedly misplaced teariness strikes closer to home.
the Exams.
honestly i feel like im abandoned in this huge desert without the pretty sky at night and cute camel [who am i kidding? they're SO not cute.] and im not panicking like i do normally and looking for people or an oasis where people are willing to fan me with giant leaves and feed me grapes where i dont have to think about the vascular bundles of the said leaves and what the fleshy pulp of the grape developed from and how the flower was friggin fertilized.
instead, ive kinda collapsed on to the ground, curled up and going to sleep so that i wont have to bother or think about my dismal and abysmal situation.
ie. i have given up.
this is baaaaaaaad.
and even then, my reaction to this trauma isnt as bad as my results itself. this is how shitty things are.
and the thing is, we KNOW its simply going to get worse from now on. two weeks in june will be spent with 6 hours daily of school and timed practice. when school re-opens, hell will unleashed.
oh man oh man, why ddn anybody warn us??? oh wait, that's right - they did.
____________________________________________________
on a lighter note, the ickle kiddies [ie. lower sec, the annoying buggers all of 'em] had their cheering comp today.
the cheering comp[ompetition] for the unenlightened is a school tradition and no, dont go imagine well executed leaps, splits and gymnastic stuff and girls in short skirts. generally, the quality is BAD [admittedly, my class was one of them mwaha] - a bunch of disorganized kids screaming out lame cheers in even more lame formations wearing their class tees.
the better ones [and our year has several] are however, REALLY good. still, no typical american high school rah rah-ing but what we DO get is a performance of utmost wackiness with funny song-cheers and co-ordinated 'dancemoves'.
an annual event that really is a sight to behold. ...sad though that my memories of participating only manages to make me cringe *sighs*
ANYWAYS, the kids [oh how i enjoy calling them that; i revel in the superiority that age places me mwahahahahaha] were running through their routines after school ended and geez - they SUUCK.
their pom-poms were limp skinny things and the cheapskates that they are, didnt even bother to have a class tee.
most importantly, they were SOFT. tsk.
at our worst, disorganized and lacking uh, creative vision, our year at least was always loud but these textbook-memorizing people were truly sad.
so a bunch of the guys from our year started cheering from the fourth floor where we were all slacking in the corridors. 20 or so guys and they were more than thrice louder than them and i wonder whether the kids figured that we were in fact, dissing them.
*beams* i felt a surge of pride and affectionate fondness for the ruckus-causing and at the least, rule-bending attitude of my batch because the sad truth is that we are the last of the students who know school is largely about having fun and we all know that's by bending the rules as far as possible and mwaha what the hell, breaking them.
first of all, let me make it clear: i do not usually like action-packed blockbuster movies. their not really my thing.
and yet, i went to watch a supremely over-hyped, publicity driven flick and gawd, am i glad i did!
at first, i was like oooh, brad pitt naked - cool! then i forgot all about the genius costume designer and her strategically 'loose' tunics for the guys cuz honestly, eric bana and peter o'toole were fantastic in the movie. as actors, they were simply wow. and of course it doesnt hurt that bana is rather good-looking as well.
pitt carried of his role as achilles well but it cannot be denied that the former two were simply better actors.
*sniff* everybody i liked died and to add um, salt to the bloody injury, orlando bloom DIDNT.
stupid annoying kid.
this movie has only confirmed how much i do not like the roles that he plays. i thought he was rather bimbotic in lotr and in pirates, an asshole for *gasp* abandoning jack sparrow [ie. the Reason why i watched the flick] and generally annoying and in this one, the wimpy kid brother who gets his whole country into trouble and indirectly causing the death of both his father and brother. and even worse, he then killed achilles even though he had saved his cousin! what an eeee-deeyot!and geez, it was painful to watch him challenge the enemy on a one-on-one battle and pathetically losing; the guy was clinging onto the leg of his brother who in the end, as usual, had to save him *rolls eyes*.
and here's something to note and i dont think ints something to be much proud of though. i cried during the bloody movie. er...and it seemed to make logical sense to because I thought they were valid tears but uh, i suppose not because i asked around among those who have watched it [and YOU 0 reader who i hope tp ask on the future; yes im asking you to watch it] and they admit that it was heart-wrenching but yeah well, its just me.
i dunno...the fight scenes really disturbed me i think. im rather desensitized to all those war and huge bomb explosion thingys but the battles and clashing legions of men in heheh, short skirts and armour weilding elogated toothpicks looked too real and struck a nerve i suppose cuz i kept relating the scenes to wars presently going on and how they were dying as well.
so THAT already managed to rouse me emotions. --"
but what really turned on the taps [hey hey, not GUSHING okaaay - more like dripping] were the moments of horrid injustice when the literally good hector died and was dragged off cruelly to the enemy camp and when king priam swallowed his pride and went to arcilles pleading for the body of his son so that he would be allowed the honourable funeral that he deserved and was later on cowardly stabbed in the back by the asshole argemennon.
it was all a gradual build-up to amazing scenes saturated in emotion and symbolism and hey, its not my fault if you only notice the gore and hot guys. Hail the director and screenplay writer.
its not often that a blatantly mainstream movie manages emotional and um, deeper depth and i suppose THT'S what makes the movie so wow.
note: i ddnt watch the Gladiator cuz i dont like russel crowe, mwaha.
..or maybe, the reason for my supposedly misplaced teariness strikes closer to home.
the Exams.
honestly i feel like im abandoned in this huge desert without the pretty sky at night and cute camel [who am i kidding? they're SO not cute.] and im not panicking like i do normally and looking for people or an oasis where people are willing to fan me with giant leaves and feed me grapes where i dont have to think about the vascular bundles of the said leaves and what the fleshy pulp of the grape developed from and how the flower was friggin fertilized.
instead, ive kinda collapsed on to the ground, curled up and going to sleep so that i wont have to bother or think about my dismal and abysmal situation.
ie. i have given up.
this is baaaaaaaad.
and even then, my reaction to this trauma isnt as bad as my results itself. this is how shitty things are.
and the thing is, we KNOW its simply going to get worse from now on. two weeks in june will be spent with 6 hours daily of school and timed practice. when school re-opens, hell will unleashed.
oh man oh man, why ddn anybody warn us??? oh wait, that's right - they did.
____________________________________________________
on a lighter note, the ickle kiddies [ie. lower sec, the annoying buggers all of 'em] had their cheering comp today.
the cheering comp[ompetition] for the unenlightened is a school tradition and no, dont go imagine well executed leaps, splits and gymnastic stuff and girls in short skirts. generally, the quality is BAD [admittedly, my class was one of them mwaha] - a bunch of disorganized kids screaming out lame cheers in even more lame formations wearing their class tees.
the better ones [and our year has several] are however, REALLY good. still, no typical american high school rah rah-ing but what we DO get is a performance of utmost wackiness with funny song-cheers and co-ordinated 'dancemoves'.
an annual event that really is a sight to behold. ...sad though that my memories of participating only manages to make me cringe *sighs*
ANYWAYS, the kids [oh how i enjoy calling them that; i revel in the superiority that age places me mwahahahahaha] were running through their routines after school ended and geez - they SUUCK.
their pom-poms were limp skinny things and the cheapskates that they are, didnt even bother to have a class tee.
most importantly, they were SOFT. tsk.
at our worst, disorganized and lacking uh, creative vision, our year at least was always loud but these textbook-memorizing people were truly sad.
so a bunch of the guys from our year started cheering from the fourth floor where we were all slacking in the corridors. 20 or so guys and they were more than thrice louder than them and i wonder whether the kids figured that we were in fact, dissing them.
*beams* i felt a surge of pride and affectionate fondness for the ruckus-causing and at the least, rule-bending attitude of my batch because the sad truth is that we are the last of the students who know school is largely about having fun and we all know that's by bending the rules as far as possible and mwaha what the hell, breaking them.
Sunday, May 16, 2004
yesterday's Events. *beams*
went out with bern and matt which could have resulted dismally like um, the last but it didnt! we had a fantastic time really and a total of 6 times, we went "gawd, i wish the rest were here!".
but yeah well, we all plead clashing scedules and examinations *shrugs and sighs*
we went to Far East's Starbucks where bern had a scone [before i found out what it was last time, i always had thought it would be conical] and i savoured a yumfull oreo cheesecake. and loads of laughter on the side.
next stop: the SAM [ie. singapore art museum]
for some reason, bern had the 'brilliant' idea of walking there which is a whole 2km away and for some reason, satiated on my mocha frapp and caffeinated, i agreed. it was hot and humid after the drizzle and the stage was set for a miserable walk but oh no, we were saved by helium balloons!
wish i could say for the sake of sensationalizing this entry that the three of us grabbed a whole bunch of 'em and floated off much to the alarm of SAF's radar people but no, we did not.
what we DID do was um, suck the helium! its the main reason why i like the balloons so much, mwaha. voice minnie mouse-ified, i started reading out ads and singing stupid songs LOUDLY much to the amusement and wonderment of people around us. much delighted, bern grabbed a balloon from the next person we saw; it co-ordinated perfectly with her pinafore lol.
it also became a public safety hazard because it kept hitting others. merf. we tried to hit matthew with it [bop! bop!] but most of the time, sorely failed as it ended up hitting both our faces *sighs* time and time again.
so we walked and walked then heard a ballon burst - it was this kid's yellow non-helium balloon [hah!] so we decided hey, let's give ours to the lil kiddie.
oh the ingrateful child. he ran away in fright and horror. tsk tsk, the audacity of the young generation! lol
we stomped around in the pebble gravel outside the Istana cuz i was just kicking it around at first wondering why they bothered with it - i mean, what's wrong with good ol' grass? high maintanence i suppose.
but then we found out that in some areas, the gravel was pleasantly deep enough for our feet to sink into it which feels very strange and fun at the same time. so there you go, three teens tottering around the gravel, laughing seemingly at nothing at all. *smiles wistfully*
by now, bern was bored with her balloon so i promptly asked, can i suck it then? ooh er, dodgy! lol
i taught bern and matt [he's completely USELESS, man. inhale not gulp, you doofus. snerk!] how to and we took turns reading the university and disney advertisments we were walking past *beams*
so, finally reaching the museum.
it was funnnnn. i mean, original Picasso and Warhol! augh augh! and lots of fascinating installations to wow at and dodgy ones that left us tickeled and amused. bern was our official Guide with her aep knowledge cuz you know me, i just appreciate the pieces for their aesthetic value, mwaha. i dont have the art history knowledge to back up and support any further inferences *ponders* maybe i should take aep. it sounds like fun; masochistic fun but um..enriching nonetheless.
oh oh there was this display of of dismantled teddy bear parts in a huge clear plastic box that ywith arm holes so you can play around with it. matthew held up a leg that was brown and furry and *cough cough* of a certain shape LOL.
and there was this 13m long painting that was soo full of emotion even though it was simply a dismal cityscape.
and another installation piece of hand-sewn stuffed butterflies in the curved wall of one of the galleries. so pretty~
ooh ooh, one of the corridors had a bunch of Ikea's kiddie furniture ther for the kids to play with and i have this particular fascination i suppose with one of them. loved it the moment i saw it, parents refused to get it. *sighs*
you know those metallic egg chairs in the movie MIB? its like a smaller version and orange with a hood thing you can pull down so you end up in an orange egg that can spin!
hello, how can i NOT love the thing??
so predictably i rushed to it, and started spinning slowly when the both if them started spinning me so faaaast my guts were churning - i hope nobody heard my manic laughter though i think its a high possibility cuz it was so quite and empty. when i finally clambered out of it, i was so dizzy that i stumbled [still laughing] and collapsed face-down on the carpeted floor and couldnt get up for a good full 10 seconds, MWAHA. i love that woozy feeling you get.
and bern was sorta singing [sorta cuz she ddn noe all the lyrics lol] and it sounded almost ethereal because of the echoes that reverbrated through the high ceilings. *smiling wistfully again* i felt so serenely happy among the artpieces in that place of beautiful architecture and with good friends
*sniffs* i need more days like this.
then we went to the kopitiam and had sugar-loaded deserts and YAY, intelligent conversation!
fun fun fun fun~ go on, revel in my eloquence.
it would really have been so much funner with the full madCAP crowd *sighs*
went out with bern and matt which could have resulted dismally like um, the last but it didnt! we had a fantastic time really and a total of 6 times, we went "gawd, i wish the rest were here!".
but yeah well, we all plead clashing scedules and examinations *shrugs and sighs*
we went to Far East's Starbucks where bern had a scone [before i found out what it was last time, i always had thought it would be conical] and i savoured a yumfull oreo cheesecake. and loads of laughter on the side.
next stop: the SAM [ie. singapore art museum]
for some reason, bern had the 'brilliant' idea of walking there which is a whole 2km away and for some reason, satiated on my mocha frapp and caffeinated, i agreed. it was hot and humid after the drizzle and the stage was set for a miserable walk but oh no, we were saved by helium balloons!
wish i could say for the sake of sensationalizing this entry that the three of us grabbed a whole bunch of 'em and floated off much to the alarm of SAF's radar people but no, we did not.
what we DID do was um, suck the helium! its the main reason why i like the balloons so much, mwaha. voice minnie mouse-ified, i started reading out ads and singing stupid songs LOUDLY much to the amusement and wonderment of people around us. much delighted, bern grabbed a balloon from the next person we saw; it co-ordinated perfectly with her pinafore lol.
it also became a public safety hazard because it kept hitting others. merf. we tried to hit matthew with it [bop! bop!] but most of the time, sorely failed as it ended up hitting both our faces *sighs* time and time again.
so we walked and walked then heard a ballon burst - it was this kid's yellow non-helium balloon [hah!] so we decided hey, let's give ours to the lil kiddie.
oh the ingrateful child. he ran away in fright and horror. tsk tsk, the audacity of the young generation! lol
we stomped around in the pebble gravel outside the Istana cuz i was just kicking it around at first wondering why they bothered with it - i mean, what's wrong with good ol' grass? high maintanence i suppose.
but then we found out that in some areas, the gravel was pleasantly deep enough for our feet to sink into it which feels very strange and fun at the same time. so there you go, three teens tottering around the gravel, laughing seemingly at nothing at all. *smiles wistfully*
by now, bern was bored with her balloon so i promptly asked, can i suck it then? ooh er, dodgy! lol
i taught bern and matt [he's completely USELESS, man. inhale not gulp, you doofus. snerk!] how to and we took turns reading the university and disney advertisments we were walking past *beams*
so, finally reaching the museum.
it was funnnnn. i mean, original Picasso and Warhol! augh augh! and lots of fascinating installations to wow at and dodgy ones that left us tickeled and amused. bern was our official Guide with her aep knowledge cuz you know me, i just appreciate the pieces for their aesthetic value, mwaha. i dont have the art history knowledge to back up and support any further inferences *ponders* maybe i should take aep. it sounds like fun; masochistic fun but um..enriching nonetheless.
oh oh there was this display of of dismantled teddy bear parts in a huge clear plastic box that ywith arm holes so you can play around with it. matthew held up a leg that was brown and furry and *cough cough* of a certain shape LOL.
and there was this 13m long painting that was soo full of emotion even though it was simply a dismal cityscape.
and another installation piece of hand-sewn stuffed butterflies in the curved wall of one of the galleries. so pretty~
ooh ooh, one of the corridors had a bunch of Ikea's kiddie furniture ther for the kids to play with and i have this particular fascination i suppose with one of them. loved it the moment i saw it, parents refused to get it. *sighs*
you know those metallic egg chairs in the movie MIB? its like a smaller version and orange with a hood thing you can pull down so you end up in an orange egg that can spin!
hello, how can i NOT love the thing??
so predictably i rushed to it, and started spinning slowly when the both if them started spinning me so faaaast my guts were churning - i hope nobody heard my manic laughter though i think its a high possibility cuz it was so quite and empty. when i finally clambered out of it, i was so dizzy that i stumbled [still laughing] and collapsed face-down on the carpeted floor and couldnt get up for a good full 10 seconds, MWAHA. i love that woozy feeling you get.
and bern was sorta singing [sorta cuz she ddn noe all the lyrics lol] and it sounded almost ethereal because of the echoes that reverbrated through the high ceilings. *smiling wistfully again* i felt so serenely happy among the artpieces in that place of beautiful architecture and with good friends
*sniffs* i need more days like this.
then we went to the kopitiam and had sugar-loaded deserts and YAY, intelligent conversation!
fun fun fun fun~ go on, revel in my eloquence.
it would really have been so much funner with the full madCAP crowd *sighs*
a short burst of a rant.
alright AngelFire, what's the big idea huh???
all the pictures uploaded with them has been replaced with that ugly logo you see down there!!
how do i know? i checked out blogskins.com and the graphics THERE were affected as well!
this is a major AUGH.
somebody puh-leeeeeeze get it fixed!
its really a horrible eyesore.
alright AngelFire, what's the big idea huh???
all the pictures uploaded with them has been replaced with that ugly logo you see down there!!
how do i know? i checked out blogskins.com and the graphics THERE were affected as well!
this is a major AUGH.
somebody puh-leeeeeeze get it fixed!
its really a horrible eyesore.
Friday, May 14, 2004
i put the 'me', in mediocre.
geez, i've got a string of Bs this mid-years and the really fucked up thing is that their all short of a mark or two to make it into an A.
but what can i say? i worked hard but it must be noted that the 'working hard' only took place uncomfortably the day before or at the most, two.
_______________________________________
i spent the whole daaaay in the art room yesterday. am happy much!
had fun with the spray paint, it really looks good when it drips on corrugated cardboard. i suppose it was a productive day. i suppose it was made even fun-er by the fact that while i was in a nice airy room doing what i like, listening to the radio, my less fortunate peers were in the hall just above me having a talks on How To Relieve Stress and Pornography. no, their not related - entirely different talks i swear!
i also found out after going through my chem paper [that i flunked] is that i KNEW my facts, its just that a) i didnt phrase it properly and/or b)i got the first part of the question wrong which lead to the other parts being wrong as well.
*sighs*
___________________________________________
the other day, good ol' Minister Tharman visited our school.
he came, he saw, he ran away screaming in hysteria.
well, not really. but i wouldn't be surprised if he wanted to.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Bukit Panjang Government High presents to you, our Propoganda Parade.
you see, in typical and predictable fashion, the whole thing was over-hyped and essentially, a lie. of course, i didnt expect any less but it irks me terribly still.
the extent of the school's efforts to put up a good facade:
- walls freshly painted; mind you, only the walls that'll he and his entourage will be walking by. and here i thought they were /finally/ doing something about the rather poor state of the um, infrastructure. gah
- mock classes held in the "special rooms" so that he'll see us absorbing information in a 'creative and conducive' environment like the good students and school we are.
- hah! here's a laugh: my lit teacher accidentally walked into one of the rooms where they were actually rehearsing for his visit the day before. she told us the usually 'dignified' and pompous HODS were robotically raising their arms ala newbie tour guide repeating "minister, this is our project" and "minister, this is our presentation". GEEZ, we're being taught by a buncha androids!
- and this is what really pissed me off. the morning of the visit, Herr Hitler herself [hey, alliteration!..and oxymoronic as well.] in her daily morning lecture told us to in slightly more politically-correct terms to actually stay away from the areas that he would be touring...and there would be actually teachers stationed at the borders of these Areas to usher us students away. YEARGH
what is the point then of these visits if all they see is a stage show put up and only to be taken down with a collective sigh of relief from the already stressed staff when it's over? nothing really changes.
he doesnt actually see how the school truly is, what really IS our situation. all he is given is a pretty-upped, benign, politically-correct, enhanced version.
and the WORSE thing is, he most likely knows. he's new and everything but surely, he knows their just a bunch of pretty lies.
all he sees are our augmented points of strength, and nothing at all about our flaws.
how exactly can we actually improve if nothing is actually seen?
there is no point is there?
they keep us students away, the bunch of us who actually want to talk to him [ok, at least i do] and who would answer his questions frankly and instead, they shove at him the students and 'randomly selected' staff who will answer in absolute politically-correct terms and probably have scripted answers or more likely, are just too timid/cant-be-bothered to be real.
oh how very angsty this entry is but ah well.
it's like a deja vu of the other time MOE officials came to visit our school. that time, it was even MORE blatant how indeed the 'randomly' selected the people interviewed.
yadda yadda yadda, this made me feel really pissy-offy which lead to what happend during morning assembly yesterday *snerk*
the vice-principal was thanking us for the success of the play they staged beforehand which only served to incense me even more.
then moving on in her slooooow drone-like voice, she talked about the coming nominations for the Most Caring Teacher Award which at this point, i shouted
"NOT YOU!".
oh maaaan, the nanosecond the first syllable came out of my mouth i was like 'oh shiiiiit.' cuz a whole LOT of people [the 2 classes on both sides and teachers front and back] turned towards me and gawd, i /knew/ it was out of line, rude and essentially, i was in the wrong. and it had come out louder than i wanted it too; probably cuz everybody else had fallen asleep lulled by her monotonous speech.
i thought, this is it. Tiger [aka our DM] is gonna pull me out, i'll get a major, SCORCHING, nuclear blast-like grilling and i'm not gonna be put in RMUN and oh gawd oh gawd oh gawd.
those span of seconds were nerve-wrecking. i was literally waiting for my death cuz i /knew/ the teachers heard me.
but but BUT.
i was saved by my oh so useful trait of appearing calm when panicking and brief moments of clarity when confronted.
and the fact that im a compulsive liar.
and that hah, i am a rather good actress.
AND that my form teacher is ms. gullible.
she pulled me out and was about to start on the "what was that all about? i'm going to send you to your death" lecture when i interrupted with a competently convincing story about geez, sorry, i realized that was out of line, im really sorry, i ddn really mean it; it's just that..i'm still upset over my chem results yesterday and im still feeling...*cue patented stressed and distressed student look*
*BEAMS* i got off with a pat on the back and her teling me to control myself better next time.
oh oh oh i feel a tad guilty now conning her.
*shrugs*
______________________________________________________________
tomorrow - The Story of: When Matthew, Bernadette and Izyanti go to the Art Museum. =D
geez, i've got a string of Bs this mid-years and the really fucked up thing is that their all short of a mark or two to make it into an A.
but what can i say? i worked hard but it must be noted that the 'working hard' only took place uncomfortably the day before or at the most, two.
_______________________________________
i spent the whole daaaay in the art room yesterday. am happy much!
had fun with the spray paint, it really looks good when it drips on corrugated cardboard. i suppose it was a productive day. i suppose it was made even fun-er by the fact that while i was in a nice airy room doing what i like, listening to the radio, my less fortunate peers were in the hall just above me having a talks on How To Relieve Stress and Pornography. no, their not related - entirely different talks i swear!
i also found out after going through my chem paper [that i flunked] is that i KNEW my facts, its just that a) i didnt phrase it properly and/or b)i got the first part of the question wrong which lead to the other parts being wrong as well.
*sighs*
___________________________________________
the other day, good ol' Minister Tharman visited our school.
he came, he saw, he ran away screaming in hysteria.
well, not really. but i wouldn't be surprised if he wanted to.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Bukit Panjang Government High presents to you, our Propoganda Parade.
you see, in typical and predictable fashion, the whole thing was over-hyped and essentially, a lie. of course, i didnt expect any less but it irks me terribly still.
the extent of the school's efforts to put up a good facade:
- walls freshly painted; mind you, only the walls that'll he and his entourage will be walking by. and here i thought they were /finally/ doing something about the rather poor state of the um, infrastructure. gah
- mock classes held in the "special rooms" so that he'll see us absorbing information in a 'creative and conducive' environment like the good students and school we are.
- hah! here's a laugh: my lit teacher accidentally walked into one of the rooms where they were actually rehearsing for his visit the day before. she told us the usually 'dignified' and pompous HODS were robotically raising their arms ala newbie tour guide repeating "minister, this is our project" and "minister, this is our presentation". GEEZ, we're being taught by a buncha androids!
- and this is what really pissed me off. the morning of the visit, Herr Hitler herself [hey, alliteration!..and oxymoronic as well.] in her daily morning lecture told us to in slightly more politically-correct terms to actually stay away from the areas that he would be touring...and there would be actually teachers stationed at the borders of these Areas to usher us students away. YEARGH
what is the point then of these visits if all they see is a stage show put up and only to be taken down with a collective sigh of relief from the already stressed staff when it's over? nothing really changes.
he doesnt actually see how the school truly is, what really IS our situation. all he is given is a pretty-upped, benign, politically-correct, enhanced version.
and the WORSE thing is, he most likely knows. he's new and everything but surely, he knows their just a bunch of pretty lies.
all he sees are our augmented points of strength, and nothing at all about our flaws.
how exactly can we actually improve if nothing is actually seen?
there is no point is there?
they keep us students away, the bunch of us who actually want to talk to him [ok, at least i do] and who would answer his questions frankly and instead, they shove at him the students and 'randomly selected' staff who will answer in absolute politically-correct terms and probably have scripted answers or more likely, are just too timid/cant-be-bothered to be real.
oh how very angsty this entry is but ah well.
it's like a deja vu of the other time MOE officials came to visit our school. that time, it was even MORE blatant how indeed the 'randomly' selected the people interviewed.
yadda yadda yadda, this made me feel really pissy-offy which lead to what happend during morning assembly yesterday *snerk*
the vice-principal was thanking us for the success of the play they staged beforehand which only served to incense me even more.
then moving on in her slooooow drone-like voice, she talked about the coming nominations for the Most Caring Teacher Award which at this point, i shouted
"NOT YOU!".
oh maaaan, the nanosecond the first syllable came out of my mouth i was like 'oh shiiiiit.' cuz a whole LOT of people [the 2 classes on both sides and teachers front and back] turned towards me and gawd, i /knew/ it was out of line, rude and essentially, i was in the wrong. and it had come out louder than i wanted it too; probably cuz everybody else had fallen asleep lulled by her monotonous speech.
i thought, this is it. Tiger [aka our DM] is gonna pull me out, i'll get a major, SCORCHING, nuclear blast-like grilling and i'm not gonna be put in RMUN and oh gawd oh gawd oh gawd.
those span of seconds were nerve-wrecking. i was literally waiting for my death cuz i /knew/ the teachers heard me.
but but BUT.
i was saved by my oh so useful trait of appearing calm when panicking and brief moments of clarity when confronted.
and the fact that im a compulsive liar.
and that hah, i am a rather good actress.
AND that my form teacher is ms. gullible.
she pulled me out and was about to start on the "what was that all about? i'm going to send you to your death" lecture when i interrupted with a competently convincing story about geez, sorry, i realized that was out of line, im really sorry, i ddn really mean it; it's just that..i'm still upset over my chem results yesterday and im still feeling...*cue patented stressed and distressed student look*
*BEAMS* i got off with a pat on the back and her teling me to control myself better next time.
oh oh oh i feel a tad guilty now conning her.
*shrugs*
______________________________________________________________
tomorrow - The Story of: When Matthew, Bernadette and Izyanti go to the Art Museum. =D
Wednesday, May 12, 2004
NEWSFLASH: the pigs are flying.
crap crap CRAP of an eff-ing day.
1. i did MEDIOCRE-LY for english! augh! i got of all things, a B3! why, just because of my bloody summary!! how can i get a 14?? tres impossible..but there it was, in bold red ink AND he added as well "very bold of you to use liquid paper!" when i was explicitly told not to.
correction: i used correction TAPE, the instructions indicated no FLUID. there's a fine difference you hoity-toity english teachers and if YOU cant differentiate THAT, you have no right for marking us down just because our answers [just realized its a very weird spelling] are /slightly/ off-tangent according to the Hailed Answer Scheme.
however, on a brighter perspective, because i did sub-par for my english, i did better for my MALAY by a whole 2 marks!! *throttles Inner Optimist and shoves her into a nice hidden corner and resumes gloom and dooming*
my malay is usually 10 marks lower than english. tis indeed, a miracle.
i suppose it's only fair to add that there were only NINE distinctions in the entire level but STILL.
2. i found out today that i wil be forced to go through an eville scheme that the equelly Eville One has planned: Intensive Study Programme.
normally, i would ignore the glaring fact that it's Her idea and go anyway and rather ENTHUSIASTICALLY as well since though i may be neurotic, i am not deluded and KNOW that i need all the help i can get.
2 weeks? fine.
but the frocking fact is, the second week of isp is the LAST WEEK OF JUNE and as i deceptively cheerfully reminded ye olde mattie, that is CAP WEEK.
so no sleepover?
missing out on a LOT of CAPpy fun?
it looks oh so likely.
*grumbles*
3. went ice-skating afterwards. which turned out to be craaap as well.
yes i did fall [and pathetically so] but that is not the Biggie here though anyways, i shall elaborate. i knocked over a cone, so i skated back and when i kneeled down to pick it up, i lost my balance and sorta slipped and knocked down another cone. there's only one word for moments such as these: diao.
and and the hockey skaters are out to get me *whimpers*. i dont know why, but they usually kinda leave me alone in a nicely benign way but today they were for some reason, uncomfortably often, skated too close to me and kept on cutting me. its either a] for some reason they've decided to include me in their typical hockey-skater mischief game [augh augh] b]they hate me and want to see me splayed flat on the ice.
and i'm NOT being paranoid! it kept happening and once, the hockey coach who's really cool with a long ponytail and he suddenly started skating beside me, then cut me, SUDDENLY spun and braked to face me which really augh, um, shocked me.
i possibly might have ended up looking like a goldfish who's uh, shocked.
i smiled weakly at him and dashed awaaaaay from him and his eville minions.
oh oh oh, i think perhaps, oh so likely, i am an irritant to them and they hate my guts. *dejected and horrified*
okaaaay, um that does sound a tad paranoid but it honestly makes a whole lotta sense.
_______________________________________________________________
recently, i recieved um, information that ought to have feel like daggers stabbing at my heart. logically, it should have been painful.
and yet it wasn't.
i take this a sign that what i feel for object that shall remain unnamed is conveniently fading away.
whee, i suppose that's a reason to celebrate!
proof that my cupid is indeed, a shameless drunkard and maybe, he doesn't need rehabilitation at all -
crap crap CRAP of an eff-ing day.
1. i did MEDIOCRE-LY for english! augh! i got of all things, a B3! why, just because of my bloody summary!! how can i get a 14?? tres impossible..but there it was, in bold red ink AND he added as well "very bold of you to use liquid paper!" when i was explicitly told not to.
correction: i used correction TAPE, the instructions indicated no FLUID. there's a fine difference you hoity-toity english teachers and if YOU cant differentiate THAT, you have no right for marking us down just because our answers [just realized its a very weird spelling] are /slightly/ off-tangent according to the Hailed Answer Scheme.
however, on a brighter perspective, because i did sub-par for my english, i did better for my MALAY by a whole 2 marks!! *throttles Inner Optimist and shoves her into a nice hidden corner and resumes gloom and dooming*
my malay is usually 10 marks lower than english. tis indeed, a miracle.
i suppose it's only fair to add that there were only NINE distinctions in the entire level but STILL.
2. i found out today that i wil be forced to go through an eville scheme that the equelly Eville One has planned: Intensive Study Programme.
normally, i would ignore the glaring fact that it's Her idea and go anyway and rather ENTHUSIASTICALLY as well since though i may be neurotic, i am not deluded and KNOW that i need all the help i can get.
2 weeks? fine.
but the frocking fact is, the second week of isp is the LAST WEEK OF JUNE and as i deceptively cheerfully reminded ye olde mattie, that is CAP WEEK.
so no sleepover?
missing out on a LOT of CAPpy fun?
it looks oh so likely.
*grumbles*
3. went ice-skating afterwards. which turned out to be craaap as well.
yes i did fall [and pathetically so] but that is not the Biggie here though anyways, i shall elaborate. i knocked over a cone, so i skated back and when i kneeled down to pick it up, i lost my balance and sorta slipped and knocked down another cone. there's only one word for moments such as these: diao.
and and the hockey skaters are out to get me *whimpers*. i dont know why, but they usually kinda leave me alone in a nicely benign way but today they were for some reason, uncomfortably often, skated too close to me and kept on cutting me. its either a] for some reason they've decided to include me in their typical hockey-skater mischief game [augh augh] b]they hate me and want to see me splayed flat on the ice.
and i'm NOT being paranoid! it kept happening and once, the hockey coach who's really cool with a long ponytail and he suddenly started skating beside me, then cut me, SUDDENLY spun and braked to face me which really augh, um, shocked me.
i possibly might have ended up looking like a goldfish who's uh, shocked.
i smiled weakly at him and dashed awaaaaay from him and his eville minions.
oh oh oh, i think perhaps, oh so likely, i am an irritant to them and they hate my guts. *dejected and horrified*
okaaaay, um that does sound a tad paranoid but it honestly makes a whole lotta sense.
_______________________________________________________________
recently, i recieved um, information that ought to have feel like daggers stabbing at my heart. logically, it should have been painful.
and yet it wasn't.
i take this a sign that what i feel for object that shall remain unnamed is conveniently fading away.
whee, i suppose that's a reason to celebrate!
proof that my cupid is indeed, a shameless drunkard and maybe, he doesn't need rehabilitation at all -
Tuesday, May 11, 2004
i feel like a shorn sheep.
i cut my hair.
it's short. waaaaaaay short. i like it, it feels so much lighter and yet..oh bother, i kinda miss my longER hair.
why IS hair so important for a girl? i read somewhere that during the wars, they used to cut of a woman's hair off as a form of torture. hmm. i know someone who's mother does that to her quite often. it's hell and the..pain cgoes deeper than many think.
i suppose that's why i can never be truly mean to her though i dont like her much. *shrugs*
note to self: must get some form of hat to hide bad hair days cuz nothing else will.
_____________________________________________________________________
a bunch of words i never want to hear or write again for a looong time: effervescence of a colourless and odourless gas evolves. gas rekindles glowing splint. gas is oxygen.
i had to write that i think FOUR times in the sweltering heat in the lab. the fans were off and everybody had their bunsen burners on. i was sitting in front of one, and sweat was trickling down everybody's faces [and it wasn't because the paper was hard either]. *shudders*
well, i know for one i messed up my titration calculation but the fact that i *gasp* actually came up with some stuff is already good cuz i usually don't. and and i did this ppt test twice and came up with two different results bleaargh.
the good news is, i DIDN'T blow up the lab. *beams*
_________________________________________________________________________
i have an announcement to make: i was LATE for school today, for the first time in my LIFE and on an exam day no less!
i was supposed to be at skule by 0720 and i woke up at 0700! it was all panicky and it turned out that charmaine too made the mistake of thinking that we only had to be there at 10.
rushrushrush...will continue 2ml.
it's short. waaaaaaay short. i like it, it feels so much lighter and yet..oh bother, i kinda miss my longER hair.
why IS hair so important for a girl? i read somewhere that during the wars, they used to cut of a woman's hair off as a form of torture. hmm. i know someone who's mother does that to her quite often. it's hell and the..pain cgoes deeper than many think.
i suppose that's why i can never be truly mean to her though i dont like her much. *shrugs*
note to self: must get some form of hat to hide bad hair days cuz nothing else will.
_____________________________________________________________________
a bunch of words i never want to hear or write again for a looong time: effervescence of a colourless and odourless gas evolves. gas rekindles glowing splint. gas is oxygen.
i had to write that i think FOUR times in the sweltering heat in the lab. the fans were off and everybody had their bunsen burners on. i was sitting in front of one, and sweat was trickling down everybody's faces [and it wasn't because the paper was hard either]. *shudders*
well, i know for one i messed up my titration calculation but the fact that i *gasp* actually came up with some stuff is already good cuz i usually don't. and and i did this ppt test twice and came up with two different results bleaargh.
the good news is, i DIDN'T blow up the lab. *beams*
_________________________________________________________________________
i have an announcement to make: i was LATE for school today, for the first time in my LIFE and on an exam day no less!
i was supposed to be at skule by 0720 and i woke up at 0700! it was all panicky and it turned out that charmaine too made the mistake of thinking that we only had to be there at 10.
rushrushrush...will continue 2ml.
Saturday, May 08, 2004
what i did today.
..you know, i read other people's blogs that go
"uMz, thEn aT 0715:45 i mEt uP with TheM anD thEn we tOok tHe mRt and wE sAt dOwn aNd yaDda yAdda yaddA aNd wIlL n0W exPlaIn tO yOu iN gReAt pAiNfUl deTaIl eVeRy sInGlE tHiNg I dId iNcluDinG tHe pRoceSs oF iNhAlAtioN aNd exHaLaTioN aNd hOw I bLinK."
augh augh augh!! i swear, if i ever end up blogging like that, please please kill me. and make it painful; i SO deserve it.
______________________________________________
nadalala honk yoyo had a weird dream after watching Bring It On and she told us today what it was and it left the bunch of us chortling so hard we nearly fell of the benches. ok fine, it was only me who nearly fell off.
there's this scene in the movie when this bitchy choreographer made the squad line up and critisized them one by one. to one of them, he said, "what's with the skin?? say it with me..SUNLIGHT."
so nadya dreamt she was doing the same thing except the cheerleader in question was our B'BALLER, tomboyish friend who's uh, pretty airport-ish if you get what i mean and in the said dream, she was in a BIKINI competition of all things! lol
so nadya went "what's with the skin?? say it with me..SUNLIGHT."
and then..
"and WHAT's with the chest? say it with me...BOOB JOB."
*laugh so hard she splutters on her ribena*
ok mebbe it was funnier the way she said it and seeing our friend's [who shall remain nameless for her sake lol] indignant and sulky face. she's really funny when she gets 'upset'. she scrunches her face and makes animal noises and occasionaly, she bites. today the victim was gennie but she darted away just in time *phew*
the other time, she and nadya was insulting each other AGAIN while we were studying at mcD - nad was laughing at her own wittiness and jabbing her finger in her face and she promptly bit the offending finger! nadya was abit flabberfasted for a split-second all jaw-dropped then it hit her that her teeth were firmly clamped on her finger then she started "aah!aah!aah!aah!"-ing.
oh what hilarious fun.
i have wild friends. *eville laugh*
________________________________________________
william hung really is a media clown isnt he?
its quite painful to watch him nowadaes not because of his blatant incompetentcy but to /know/ that the media are milking him for all his short-term worth. their using him and its really ugly too watch. more ugly than hearing him speak let alone, sing!
somehow, it reminds me of how people put up imbeciles up on stage and humiliate them and the said imbecile thinks they're laughing with him when they're really laughing AT him. ouch.
may that never happen to me. omm omm.
i was channel-surfing when i came across JAG playing. so i watched it for a few minutes and felt so revulsed.
today's episode was set in Saudi Arabia revolving around the theme of *drumrolls* Islam and Women's Rights [or the lack of it].
why does it sicken me to the gut even though i DO believe that it is a situation that needs to be solved?
because a serious matter like that is being exploited on tv propoganda masquerading as a harmlessly patriotic show. it's an unfair and bias perspective on the situation, exaggerating all the Bads of the saudis and islam and the 'Goodness' and morals of the americans.
my mudder who was watching as well, didn't get why i was so pissed off. i started wondering whether i was over-reacting. tell me, is my pissy offed-ness valid?
and please, dont tell me its 'just' a tv show.
________________________________________________
love or the diluted semblance of it is an irksome thing?
i think it is for the simple reason that it leaves you vulnerable.
________________________________________________
i'm listening to bic runga, i lovelove her new album and of course, her voice.
her voice has this delicate beautiful quality that my description will never do justice to.
it's like the fragile crispness of an early morning when the sky is still a pale shade of lilac and the smell of the mist floating on the grass tips of an empty field hasnt been contaminated by the acrid exhaust fumes.
it's a bittersweet beauty. so pretty so pretty-
..you know, i read other people's blogs that go
"uMz, thEn aT 0715:45 i mEt uP with TheM anD thEn we tOok tHe mRt and wE sAt dOwn aNd yaDda yAdda yaddA aNd wIlL n0W exPlaIn tO yOu iN gReAt pAiNfUl deTaIl eVeRy sInGlE tHiNg I dId iNcluDinG tHe pRoceSs oF iNhAlAtioN aNd exHaLaTioN aNd hOw I bLinK."
augh augh augh!! i swear, if i ever end up blogging like that, please please kill me. and make it painful; i SO deserve it.
______________________________________________
nadalala honk yoyo had a weird dream after watching Bring It On and she told us today what it was and it left the bunch of us chortling so hard we nearly fell of the benches. ok fine, it was only me who nearly fell off.
there's this scene in the movie when this bitchy choreographer made the squad line up and critisized them one by one. to one of them, he said, "what's with the skin?? say it with me..SUNLIGHT."
so nadya dreamt she was doing the same thing except the cheerleader in question was our B'BALLER, tomboyish friend who's uh, pretty airport-ish if you get what i mean and in the said dream, she was in a BIKINI competition of all things! lol
so nadya went "what's with the skin?? say it with me..SUNLIGHT."
and then..
"and WHAT's with the chest? say it with me...BOOB JOB."
*laugh so hard she splutters on her ribena*
ok mebbe it was funnier the way she said it and seeing our friend's [who shall remain nameless for her sake lol] indignant and sulky face. she's really funny when she gets 'upset'. she scrunches her face and makes animal noises and occasionaly, she bites. today the victim was gennie but she darted away just in time *phew*
the other time, she and nadya was insulting each other AGAIN while we were studying at mcD - nad was laughing at her own wittiness and jabbing her finger in her face and she promptly bit the offending finger! nadya was abit flabberfasted for a split-second all jaw-dropped then it hit her that her teeth were firmly clamped on her finger then she started "aah!aah!aah!aah!"-ing.
oh what hilarious fun.
i have wild friends. *eville laugh*
________________________________________________
william hung really is a media clown isnt he?
its quite painful to watch him nowadaes not because of his blatant incompetentcy but to /know/ that the media are milking him for all his short-term worth. their using him and its really ugly too watch. more ugly than hearing him speak let alone, sing!
somehow, it reminds me of how people put up imbeciles up on stage and humiliate them and the said imbecile thinks they're laughing with him when they're really laughing AT him. ouch.
may that never happen to me. omm omm.
i was channel-surfing when i came across JAG playing. so i watched it for a few minutes and felt so revulsed.
today's episode was set in Saudi Arabia revolving around the theme of *drumrolls* Islam and Women's Rights [or the lack of it].
why does it sicken me to the gut even though i DO believe that it is a situation that needs to be solved?
because a serious matter like that is being exploited on tv propoganda masquerading as a harmlessly patriotic show. it's an unfair and bias perspective on the situation, exaggerating all the Bads of the saudis and islam and the 'Goodness' and morals of the americans.
my mudder who was watching as well, didn't get why i was so pissed off. i started wondering whether i was over-reacting. tell me, is my pissy offed-ness valid?
and please, dont tell me its 'just' a tv show.
________________________________________________
love or the diluted semblance of it is an irksome thing?
i think it is for the simple reason that it leaves you vulnerable.
________________________________________________
i'm listening to bic runga, i lovelove her new album and of course, her voice.
her voice has this delicate beautiful quality that my description will never do justice to.
it's like the fragile crispness of an early morning when the sky is still a pale shade of lilac and the smell of the mist floating on the grass tips of an empty field hasnt been contaminated by the acrid exhaust fumes.
it's a bittersweet beauty. so pretty so pretty-
another rather short post
..its all i have time for recently.
today's my bio practical and how i dread it so. like i've said and complained before, its completely stupiak because if the bloody funicle or placenta isnt there in the friggin mushy tomato, you still draw it in.
and amazingly, i suck at this. i cannot draw scientific diagrams. my hand refuses to do so. after being nicely treated with excecuting portraits that are at least decent and such, it is horrified to be asked to draw something so emotionless and dead.
and mushy.
oh and here's another amazing thing: i remembered what a funicle and placenta is! whee me. i hope they dont make us draw a maize seed. or worse, a flower.
i cant draw in in dark defined lines Eville Bio/Bore Teacher!! i cant i cant *bawls and runs into a corner to um, bawl some more*.
do you KNOW what happens in my bio lessons? she hands out the RandomVegetation [oh gawd, i hope today's not grass or WORSE, ginger] and i try to draw it. it looks hideous and i end up erasing a lot. so, in the end we go through our bio worksheet with said Eville Teacher and she draws a nice scientific diagram and i copy it down.
*dances the i am incompetent dance*
______________________________________________
i was brushing my teeth this morning when i remembered what inspired my short rant on burning my bras and shaving my hair off.
i was having lunch with charmaine and matthew and i was 'discussing' with her what to cut my hair into. and you /know/ what he said? "no! dont cut your hair! it's not nearly long enough!"
*glares at the entire male population*
this from the guy who calls the way i wear my hair nowadays post-war Afghanistan and quickly revised it to 'some demi-god from Hell Boy'
i am much flattered.
WHY am i even friends with him?? all he does is insult me! ah wait- i know. because i like insulting him as well. *beams*
______________________________________________
my brother's in the living room playing with his trucks, legos and whatever boys play with. and he's making funny noises and talking to the said inanimate objects.
you know, i dont remember playing alot as a kid especially at his age [he's in P4]. ddn have much toys either i think and the ones that i did have lay in the Storeroom Under The Stairs [just like the one in harry potter =D] untouched because i couldnt be bothered to.
i think i read and stoned in front of the tv alot. maybe did a bit of cycling.
my mum said i ddn play with my toys much either when i was reaally young like when i was a toddler. according to her, i much preferred playing with her pots, banging and opening the lids etc.
hmm.
i only had ONE barbie which is quite unheard of.
and i didn't treat her nicely either.
wait- compared to what charmaine treated hers like, i was a saint.
her mother bought her a reallllly expensive, Limited Edition barbie and the girl promptly took a scissors and cut the hair off!
*beams*
____________________________________________________
it didn't turn out to be a short post did it?
..its all i have time for recently.
today's my bio practical and how i dread it so. like i've said and complained before, its completely stupiak because if the bloody funicle or placenta isnt there in the friggin mushy tomato, you still draw it in.
and amazingly, i suck at this. i cannot draw scientific diagrams. my hand refuses to do so. after being nicely treated with excecuting portraits that are at least decent and such, it is horrified to be asked to draw something so emotionless and dead.
and mushy.
oh and here's another amazing thing: i remembered what a funicle and placenta is! whee me. i hope they dont make us draw a maize seed. or worse, a flower.
i cant draw in in dark defined lines Eville Bio/Bore Teacher!! i cant i cant *bawls and runs into a corner to um, bawl some more*.
do you KNOW what happens in my bio lessons? she hands out the RandomVegetation [oh gawd, i hope today's not grass or WORSE, ginger] and i try to draw it. it looks hideous and i end up erasing a lot. so, in the end we go through our bio worksheet with said Eville Teacher and she draws a nice scientific diagram and i copy it down.
*dances the i am incompetent dance*
______________________________________________
i was brushing my teeth this morning when i remembered what inspired my short rant on burning my bras and shaving my hair off.
i was having lunch with charmaine and matthew and i was 'discussing' with her what to cut my hair into. and you /know/ what he said? "no! dont cut your hair! it's not nearly long enough!"
*glares at the entire male population*
this from the guy who calls the way i wear my hair nowadays post-war Afghanistan and quickly revised it to 'some demi-god from Hell Boy'
i am much flattered.
WHY am i even friends with him?? all he does is insult me! ah wait- i know. because i like insulting him as well. *beams*
______________________________________________
my brother's in the living room playing with his trucks, legos and whatever boys play with. and he's making funny noises and talking to the said inanimate objects.
you know, i dont remember playing alot as a kid especially at his age [he's in P4]. ddn have much toys either i think and the ones that i did have lay in the Storeroom Under The Stairs [just like the one in harry potter =D] untouched because i couldnt be bothered to.
i think i read and stoned in front of the tv alot. maybe did a bit of cycling.
my mum said i ddn play with my toys much either when i was reaally young like when i was a toddler. according to her, i much preferred playing with her pots, banging and opening the lids etc.
hmm.
i only had ONE barbie which is quite unheard of.
and i didn't treat her nicely either.
wait- compared to what charmaine treated hers like, i was a saint.
her mother bought her a reallllly expensive, Limited Edition barbie and the girl promptly took a scissors and cut the hair off!
*beams*
____________________________________________________
it didn't turn out to be a short post did it?
Friday, May 07, 2004
skoo-dee-doo-da!
oh no oh no. my history teacher told us that only two out of our entire class passed our papers.
now what are the chances that i am one of that two?
nil really. considering though my essay was actually considerably good, my source-base was BEYOND crap-dom.
oh gawd oh gawd i really am going to flunk my mid-years.
-blink blink-
what to do what to do??
or i could not care. i could just chiiiiill and go 'duuuude who gives a daaamn? its just the exaaams, let go and be looose'...snerk! yeah right.
as if i really wont give a damn if i end up in some old cheena jc or [perhaps] even worse, in a poly doing a course i have no interest in.
as if i really dont give a damn.
of course i do so what's wrong with me? laziness that's what. and it's even worse knowing it and being actually aware of it and stil not doing anything about it. augh augh augh -
me bad.
me bad bad bad.
me fail?
will fail fail fail.
im just confoooooooooooooooooooosed and i never know anything anymore ______________________________________________
i swear, one day i will cut my hair REAL short and bind my chest [not that there's much to bind *snort!*] just as an act of defiance to all the guys who like long haired, busty girls.
it's quite sickening really.
next thing you know, i'll be burning my bras and wearing sleevelesses without shaving.
now THT'S a big HAH.
and it's pretty ugly too. hmm.
oh no oh no. my history teacher told us that only two out of our entire class passed our papers.
now what are the chances that i am one of that two?
nil really. considering though my essay was actually considerably good, my source-base was BEYOND crap-dom.
oh gawd oh gawd i really am going to flunk my mid-years.
-blink blink-
what to do what to do??
or i could not care. i could just chiiiiill and go 'duuuude who gives a daaamn? its just the exaaams, let go and be looose'...snerk! yeah right.
as if i really wont give a damn if i end up in some old cheena jc or [perhaps] even worse, in a poly doing a course i have no interest in.
as if i really dont give a damn.
of course i do so what's wrong with me? laziness that's what. and it's even worse knowing it and being actually aware of it and stil not doing anything about it. augh augh augh -
me bad.
me bad bad bad.
me fail?
will fail fail fail.
im just confoooooooooooooooooooosed and i never know anything anymore ______________________________________________
i swear, one day i will cut my hair REAL short and bind my chest [not that there's much to bind *snort!*] just as an act of defiance to all the guys who like long haired, busty girls.
it's quite sickening really.
next thing you know, i'll be burning my bras and wearing sleevelesses without shaving.
now THT'S a big HAH.
and it's pretty ugly too. hmm.
Thursday, May 06, 2004
teen angst ahead. you have been warned.
.
.
.
.
ah crap. i dont think i want to put this one online.
shall rant in my journal with my thick red marker writing in caps.
this is horrid. things were going so fine recently. despite the stress of exams etc, so many things happened that left me beaming and once or twice, euphoric. now it seems like i've used up all my Happy Days.
oh dear.
everything's going wrong.
.
.
.
.
ah crap. i dont think i want to put this one online.
shall rant in my journal with my thick red marker writing in caps.
this is horrid. things were going so fine recently. despite the stress of exams etc, so many things happened that left me beaming and once or twice, euphoric. now it seems like i've used up all my Happy Days.
oh dear.
everything's going wrong.
Wednesday, May 05, 2004
some sort of memory of memory loss
oh oh oh how terribly horridly unfair.
i had a LOT of things to blog on and have been wanting to do so for ages but haven't been able to do so cuz my mither de-moused my computer.
so now that it's back [after i caught her playing *gasp* inklink with a the computer mouseD] i've forgotten all that i wanted to say.
*sniffs*
ah wait - here's a vague recollection of one: another successful rejection of a dyed-blonde, pierced lip, beng of a charity ticket selleroh i gloat! i gloat!
"hello, excuse me, yadda yadda yadda yadda yadda-"
"do you get paid for this?"
"yes, by the hour yadd-"
"ah, well then. no thanks."
all calmy excecuted with an absolute straight face which we know is so so difficult when he's a beng, a head and a half taller than me and had shoved his face inches away from me. wait- since he was tall, that would be his pink puremilk tee and not his face. and he smelled of cigarettes. and in the awkward angle that my neck was in [like talking to a skyscraper] i couldn't help stare at his lip ring which i grudgingly admit, looked cool AND good.
and and get this.
my friends who were 'hiding' behind me so i would do all the talking said that when i walked away, he was absolutely all "-what the hell?"
oh i win! score one! i bet he's never been treated that way by a short secondary school kid. i bet he expected me to grudgingly hand over my $2 just because he was intimidating.
hah! double hah! this is for everyone out there who have been forced to buy the bloody tickets. [again, i shall make it known of my belief that charity should not be a capitalistic thingy - it should be voluntary and not by the lure of attractive commisions and such]
it really gives me such a cheap power rush. *shivers*
i have within me, a despot all too willing to break out and make everyone bow down before me in salute - eville laugh *beams*
____________________________________________
and hah, i'm tall enough to be *drumrolls* a Singapore Girl.
*smirk* well technically, i am already uh, a singapore girl but that is SO not the point.
though i really do not want to be one, it makes me all warm and fuzzy that yes, i qualify height-wise [and therefore, am proven normal] and here is the point: i've grown one cm.
*beams* i revel on my absolute pathetic-dom and slight obsession with my height.
_________________________________________________
today was a crappy exam day due to sadistic scheduling.
the idiots put BOTH that paper 2s of my sciences and illogically, seperated the paper 1s.
WHY?
do they not realize that this means we have to cram in one and a half year's worth of work [and i last-minute study.yes, i know its wrong but yeah, well.] and that actually means *gasp* cramming THREE years worth of work into two days which honestly, is IMPOSSIBLE.
flunk i will.
strangely though, i appear very calm in tumultous times such as these.
i look like a nice docile cow grazing in a nice organic pasture but what i really feel is like i'm the cow about to be made into a greasy, patented mcD Quarter-Pounder with Cheese.
guess where i've been mugging and what i've been eating for the apst few days.
there's this boy who works at the mcD i go to and he really is amazing. he looks 14 and i call him my LEB ie. Little Efficient Boy. he's fast, actually moves with speed to fetch my stuff and is polite, perky and he calls me 'maam'! oh i adore him so.
note to self: must tell the manager [who co-incidentally, isn't as nice] to give him a raise. but geez, he really does look kiddy - suppose it constitutes as child labour?
oh oh oh how terribly horridly unfair.
i had a LOT of things to blog on and have been wanting to do so for ages but haven't been able to do so cuz my mither de-moused my computer.
so now that it's back [after i caught her playing *gasp* inklink with a the computer mouseD] i've forgotten all that i wanted to say.
*sniffs*
ah wait - here's a vague recollection of one: another successful rejection of a dyed-blonde, pierced lip, beng of a charity ticket selleroh i gloat! i gloat!
"hello, excuse me, yadda yadda yadda yadda yadda-"
"do you get paid for this?"
"yes, by the hour yadd-"
"ah, well then. no thanks."
all calmy excecuted with an absolute straight face which we know is so so difficult when he's a beng, a head and a half taller than me and had shoved his face inches away from me. wait- since he was tall, that would be his pink puremilk tee and not his face. and he smelled of cigarettes. and in the awkward angle that my neck was in [like talking to a skyscraper] i couldn't help stare at his lip ring which i grudgingly admit, looked cool AND good.
and and get this.
my friends who were 'hiding' behind me so i would do all the talking said that when i walked away, he was absolutely all "-what the hell?"
oh i win! score one! i bet he's never been treated that way by a short secondary school kid. i bet he expected me to grudgingly hand over my $2 just because he was intimidating.
hah! double hah! this is for everyone out there who have been forced to buy the bloody tickets. [again, i shall make it known of my belief that charity should not be a capitalistic thingy - it should be voluntary and not by the lure of attractive commisions and such]
it really gives me such a cheap power rush. *shivers*
i have within me, a despot all too willing to break out and make everyone bow down before me in salute - eville laugh *beams*
____________________________________________
and hah, i'm tall enough to be *drumrolls* a Singapore Girl.
*smirk* well technically, i am already uh, a singapore girl but that is SO not the point.
though i really do not want to be one, it makes me all warm and fuzzy that yes, i qualify height-wise [and therefore, am proven normal] and here is the point: i've grown one cm.
*beams* i revel on my absolute pathetic-dom and slight obsession with my height.
_________________________________________________
today was a crappy exam day due to sadistic scheduling.
the idiots put BOTH that paper 2s of my sciences and illogically, seperated the paper 1s.
WHY?
do they not realize that this means we have to cram in one and a half year's worth of work [and i last-minute study.yes, i know its wrong but yeah, well.] and that actually means *gasp* cramming THREE years worth of work into two days which honestly, is IMPOSSIBLE.
flunk i will.
strangely though, i appear very calm in tumultous times such as these.
i look like a nice docile cow grazing in a nice organic pasture but what i really feel is like i'm the cow about to be made into a greasy, patented mcD Quarter-Pounder with Cheese.
guess where i've been mugging and what i've been eating for the apst few days.
there's this boy who works at the mcD i go to and he really is amazing. he looks 14 and i call him my LEB ie. Little Efficient Boy. he's fast, actually moves with speed to fetch my stuff and is polite, perky and he calls me 'maam'! oh i adore him so.
note to self: must tell the manager [who co-incidentally, isn't as nice] to give him a raise. but geez, he really does look kiddy - suppose it constitutes as child labour?
Friday, April 30, 2004
i declare today Second Childhood and Skater-Poser Day
this is what happens when you have 4 girls with pent up post exam tension=INSANITY . . .
Chairman Mao says "If you have to fart, fart! You will feel much better for it." // incessant mooing// says:
oh oh oh! you shud have followed us to JP!!! =D
|~*ZzZzZ ^gER¤~| :: i may have made it rain~please forgive me~my weakness caused you pain~and this song's my sorry :: says:
what happened?
Chairman Mao says "If you have to fart, fart! You will feel much better for it." // incessant mooing// says:
it was the funnest! we ransacked toy r us!! we were reliving our second childhood! me nad gennie and ui
|~*ZzZzZ ^gER¤~| :: i may have made it rain~please forgive me~my weakness caused you pain~and this song's my sorry :: says:
mwaha.
Chairman Mao says "If you have to fart, fart! You will feel much better for it." // incessant mooing// says:
we pranced around shouting out the nursery rhymes! and and and, i grabbed a skateboard with nad and we were scooting along
|~*ZzZzZ ^gER¤~| :: i may have made it rain~please forgive me~my weakness caused you pain~and this song's my sorry :: says:
skateboard? lol kiddie skateboard or real one?
Chairman Mao says "If you have to fart, fart! You will feel much better for it." // incessant mooing// says:
being all pseudo skater
Chairman Mao says "If you have to fart, fart! You will feel much better for it." // incessant mooing// says:
real one lah! cheap0 but real enuff ~ what made it even funNER was how me and nad did the Sneaking Around routine accompanied by Nervous Twitches and Glances and Dashing Around Corners =D
|~*ZzZzZ ^gER¤~| :: i may have made it rain~please forgive me~my weakness caused you pain~and this song's my sorry :: says:
toy r us got sell meh?
Chairman Mao says "If you have to fart, fart! You will feel much better for it." // incessant mooing// says:
gott...mwahahaha
Chairman Mao says "If you have to fart, fart! You will feel much better for it." // incessant mooing// says:
then we were singing avril lavigne and yeu ai fell flat on her butt
|~*ZzZzZ ^gER¤~| :: i may have made it rain~please forgive me~my weakness caused you pain~and this song's my sorry :: says:
wmahahhahahahhahahhahahha. she was playing with it?
Chairman Mao says "If you have to fart, fart! You will feel much better for it." // incessant mooing// says:
but they got bored cuz the 2 of us were more into it and could actually scoot around without um, wobbling too much so they went to play with the ponies on the sticks that you ride on and yeu ai put on those kiddie pink HELLO KITTY backpacks
Chairman Mao says "If you have to fart, fart! You will feel much better for it." // incessant mooing// says:
oh yeah
|~*ZzZzZ ^gER¤~| :: i may have made it rain~please forgive me~my weakness caused you pain~and this song's my sorry :: says:
poo-ey. dang. i wished i was there.
Chairman Mao says "If you have to fart, fart! You will feel much better for it." // incessant mooing// says:
after awhile, one of the staff approached us and we reluctantly gave them back the boards, grinned and dashed off *beams*
Chairman Mao says "If you have to fart, fart! You will feel much better for it." // incessant mooing// says:
ooh and then we went to the weaponry area with all the fake swords and bows etc and we were all "aye! hand me thy gold you scurvy faggot! *poke poke*" and nadya went "behold! i am aragorn!"
|~*ZzZzZ ^gER¤~| :: i may have made it rain~please forgive me~my weakness caused you pain~and this song's my sorry :: says:
tee-hee.
Chairman Mao says "If you have to fart, fart! You will feel much better for it." // incessant mooing// says:
and then I went "ur NOT aragorn. ur gimli the dwaf nadya" and she started stomping in a really dwarfish way which was even more hilarious. and we all got knighted with the gold tacky plastic sword and i was brandishing my sword of salazar slytherin and quoting draco veritas then me and nadya got hold of the bow and arrow and i was "look at me! i'm blonde, pretty and vaine! i'm legolas!"
it was MUCHOS MUCHOS MUCHOS funnnnnnn!! gawd, i must must must do this with my fellow madCAPpers soon! do ye hear me fellow comrades???i was raving on and on about it after i left and i got tired of repeating so hence, the above excerpt *beams* it was funner there though. skating among the narrow aisles of Barbie's Pink aura and random plastic imitations of lethal weapons. damn, i wish we had a digi cam with us. or even BETTER, a camcorder.
#EDIT: re-reading it now, it sounds relatively tame but really, it was thrice as loud and mad with loads of dashing around *happyhappyhappy*
this is what happens when you have 4 girls with pent up post exam tension=INSANITY . . .
Chairman Mao says "If you have to fart, fart! You will feel much better for it." // incessant mooing// says:
oh oh oh! you shud have followed us to JP!!! =D
|~*ZzZzZ ^gER¤~| :: i may have made it rain~please forgive me~my weakness caused you pain~and this song's my sorry :: says:
what happened?
Chairman Mao says "If you have to fart, fart! You will feel much better for it." // incessant mooing// says:
it was the funnest! we ransacked toy r us!! we were reliving our second childhood! me nad gennie and ui
|~*ZzZzZ ^gER¤~| :: i may have made it rain~please forgive me~my weakness caused you pain~and this song's my sorry :: says:
mwaha.
Chairman Mao says "If you have to fart, fart! You will feel much better for it." // incessant mooing// says:
we pranced around shouting out the nursery rhymes! and and and, i grabbed a skateboard with nad and we were scooting along
|~*ZzZzZ ^gER¤~| :: i may have made it rain~please forgive me~my weakness caused you pain~and this song's my sorry :: says:
skateboard? lol kiddie skateboard or real one?
Chairman Mao says "If you have to fart, fart! You will feel much better for it." // incessant mooing// says:
being all pseudo skater
Chairman Mao says "If you have to fart, fart! You will feel much better for it." // incessant mooing// says:
real one lah! cheap0 but real enuff ~ what made it even funNER was how me and nad did the Sneaking Around routine accompanied by Nervous Twitches and Glances and Dashing Around Corners =D
|~*ZzZzZ ^gER¤~| :: i may have made it rain~please forgive me~my weakness caused you pain~and this song's my sorry :: says:
toy r us got sell meh?
Chairman Mao says "If you have to fart, fart! You will feel much better for it." // incessant mooing// says:
gott...mwahahaha
Chairman Mao says "If you have to fart, fart! You will feel much better for it." // incessant mooing// says:
then we were singing avril lavigne and yeu ai fell flat on her butt
|~*ZzZzZ ^gER¤~| :: i may have made it rain~please forgive me~my weakness caused you pain~and this song's my sorry :: says:
wmahahhahahahhahahhahahha. she was playing with it?
Chairman Mao says "If you have to fart, fart! You will feel much better for it." // incessant mooing// says:
but they got bored cuz the 2 of us were more into it and could actually scoot around without um, wobbling too much so they went to play with the ponies on the sticks that you ride on and yeu ai put on those kiddie pink HELLO KITTY backpacks
Chairman Mao says "If you have to fart, fart! You will feel much better for it." // incessant mooing// says:
oh yeah
|~*ZzZzZ ^gER¤~| :: i may have made it rain~please forgive me~my weakness caused you pain~and this song's my sorry :: says:
poo-ey. dang. i wished i was there.
Chairman Mao says "If you have to fart, fart! You will feel much better for it." // incessant mooing// says:
after awhile, one of the staff approached us and we reluctantly gave them back the boards, grinned and dashed off *beams*
Chairman Mao says "If you have to fart, fart! You will feel much better for it." // incessant mooing// says:
ooh and then we went to the weaponry area with all the fake swords and bows etc and we were all "aye! hand me thy gold you scurvy faggot! *poke poke*" and nadya went "behold! i am aragorn!"
|~*ZzZzZ ^gER¤~| :: i may have made it rain~please forgive me~my weakness caused you pain~and this song's my sorry :: says:
tee-hee.
Chairman Mao says "If you have to fart, fart! You will feel much better for it." // incessant mooing// says:
and then I went "ur NOT aragorn. ur gimli the dwaf nadya" and she started stomping in a really dwarfish way which was even more hilarious. and we all got knighted with the gold tacky plastic sword and i was brandishing my sword of salazar slytherin and quoting draco veritas then me and nadya got hold of the bow and arrow and i was "look at me! i'm blonde, pretty and vaine! i'm legolas!"
it was MUCHOS MUCHOS MUCHOS funnnnnnn!! gawd, i must must must do this with my fellow madCAPpers soon! do ye hear me fellow comrades???i was raving on and on about it after i left and i got tired of repeating so hence, the above excerpt *beams* it was funner there though. skating among the narrow aisles of Barbie's Pink aura and random plastic imitations of lethal weapons. damn, i wish we had a digi cam with us. or even BETTER, a camcorder.
#EDIT: re-reading it now, it sounds relatively tame but really, it was thrice as loud and mad with loads of dashing around *happyhappyhappy*
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
i didn't lose my mind, it was mine to give away
for some reason [ie. impulsive-osity], i bought robbie william's first album. the title above is a line from one of his songs.
.
.
.
it's so much better than his future crap like Rock DJ.
_____________________________________________
i realize that this year, i've been having alot of..unwanted epiphanies. i suppose everyone grows through them - wish i could do without them.
i think, it is better and healthier for me to admit that i've been growing apart with my best friend and i know it's probably, a lot my fault. hence, my resentment towards it isnt fair at all is it?
and i should probably do something about it. but i don't know what to do.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
i never know anything anymore.
there's alot more stuff simmering but yeah, well.
for some reason [ie. impulsive-osity], i bought robbie william's first album. the title above is a line from one of his songs.
.
.
.
it's so much better than his future crap like Rock DJ.
_____________________________________________
i realize that this year, i've been having alot of..unwanted epiphanies. i suppose everyone grows through them - wish i could do without them.
i think, it is better and healthier for me to admit that i've been growing apart with my best friend and i know it's probably, a lot my fault. hence, my resentment towards it isnt fair at all is it?
and i should probably do something about it. but i don't know what to do.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
i never know anything anymore.
there's alot more stuff simmering but yeah, well.
don't you just hate days when you think thinngs are all going to turn out fine so you're happyhappy but things don't turn out that way and so you try to pretend that it's still hapyhappy but it's not so you fail horribly and that would make the second failure of the day?
woah. that's a long sentence.
must not be self-indulgent and wallow more in self-pity than i already am in.
woah. that's a long sentence.
must not be self-indulgent and wallow more in self-pity than i already am in.
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
yeeaaaaaaargh!
i wanted to blog on the complete fun-osity that i had with my friends on Saturday night yesterday but the Emotion of Euphoria that it caused has since dissipated.
*weeps in a corner*
it's back to reality. i woke up on sunday morning not sure whether the last night actually happened. this happens a lot to me actually - sometimes, esp when i'm still groggy from sleep, i can confuse what actually had happened and what i actually dreamed because my dreams are really [and at times, uncomfortbly] to close to reality.
it was such a Bimbo Night! complete self-indulgence. everybody looked so gorgey. it was so giddy.
*sighs*
_____________________________________________
the reason why i didn't apply fpr councillorship was cuz i couldn't think of a credible reason WHY i wanted to be one. and now i'm facing the same question again because my mum isnt exactly enthusiastic about me helping out for CAP04 as alumni. bleh.
______________________________________________
stress often leads me to being in denial.
absolute proof would be teachers/parents/Authoritarian Figures asking me how i'm doing in [fill in here] and i will beam and nod enthusiastically nod saying "fine, fine! i've got it all planned out and under control. i know what i'm doing, don't you worry." when actually, i really have no clue and am screaming because of whatever angsty burned that's piling on me.
the bad thing is, i'm actually quite convincing at it. i'll pull of the whole facade only for it to crack when it's conveniently, too late. then you'll see me all stoned and glazed-eyed.
meltdown.
it's really quite a self-destructive path.
______________________________________________
sometimes i think i talk too much.
do i?
i suppose it can really be an annoying habit.
i notice that all the girls who are successfully attached are the sweet and quiet ones. yadda yadda yadda, what does this prove?
but i don't think i can ever bear shutting up. what really is the point?
___________________________________________________
i still cannot stand Tata Young and i find it appalling as well that people msg during American Idol saying how John Stevens is boring and he makes them sleep. again, this proves that a good portion of teenagers here have NO taste in music since they prefer *gags* tata young and the maunfactured predictability of taiwanese boybands.
it is absolutely shameful.
tata young! really!
____________________________________________________
words of the day: dwall. south african origin, it means daze
vacuity lack of intelligence
i wanted to blog on the complete fun-osity that i had with my friends on Saturday night yesterday but the Emotion of Euphoria that it caused has since dissipated.
*weeps in a corner*
it's back to reality. i woke up on sunday morning not sure whether the last night actually happened. this happens a lot to me actually - sometimes, esp when i'm still groggy from sleep, i can confuse what actually had happened and what i actually dreamed because my dreams are really [and at times, uncomfortbly] to close to reality.
it was such a Bimbo Night! complete self-indulgence. everybody looked so gorgey. it was so giddy.
*sighs*
_____________________________________________
the reason why i didn't apply fpr councillorship was cuz i couldn't think of a credible reason WHY i wanted to be one. and now i'm facing the same question again because my mum isnt exactly enthusiastic about me helping out for CAP04 as alumni. bleh.
______________________________________________
stress often leads me to being in denial.
absolute proof would be teachers/parents/Authoritarian Figures asking me how i'm doing in [fill in here] and i will beam and nod enthusiastically nod saying "fine, fine! i've got it all planned out and under control. i know what i'm doing, don't you worry." when actually, i really have no clue and am screaming because of whatever angsty burned that's piling on me.
the bad thing is, i'm actually quite convincing at it. i'll pull of the whole facade only for it to crack when it's conveniently, too late. then you'll see me all stoned and glazed-eyed.
meltdown.
it's really quite a self-destructive path.
______________________________________________
sometimes i think i talk too much.
do i?
i suppose it can really be an annoying habit.
i notice that all the girls who are successfully attached are the sweet and quiet ones. yadda yadda yadda, what does this prove?
but i don't think i can ever bear shutting up. what really is the point?
___________________________________________________
i still cannot stand Tata Young and i find it appalling as well that people msg during American Idol saying how John Stevens is boring and he makes them sleep. again, this proves that a good portion of teenagers here have NO taste in music since they prefer *gags* tata young and the maunfactured predictability of taiwanese boybands.
it is absolutely shameful.
tata young! really!
____________________________________________________
words of the day: dwall. south african origin, it means daze
vacuity lack of intelligence
Sunday, April 18, 2004
annoyed.
i have much much to blog but can't because i've been summoned to my room to Straighten Things Up.
why is this annoying other than for obvious reasons?
because it was my MOTHER who messed it up. no, she did not just experience a second childhood and trashed my room. she, all wel-meaning, shifted my desk to allow it to escape the pee of my incontinent air-con in the sooner or later event that it decides to drown my notes and books.
this is all very nice of her except for the fact that my room looks smaller than ever and its MESSY. my stuff is everywhere! and who's fault is it? well, for the sake of being a Good Daughter, i'll blame the air-con. it has recently been neater than usual but has now settled back into it usual decor style of Eclectic Clutter. pfft!
it is Fate. my room can never be truly neat. it is against the rules of nature.
word of the day: flibbertigibbet - a flightly and gossipy female.
i have much much to blog but can't because i've been summoned to my room to Straighten Things Up.
why is this annoying other than for obvious reasons?
because it was my MOTHER who messed it up. no, she did not just experience a second childhood and trashed my room. she, all wel-meaning, shifted my desk to allow it to escape the pee of my incontinent air-con in the sooner or later event that it decides to drown my notes and books.
this is all very nice of her except for the fact that my room looks smaller than ever and its MESSY. my stuff is everywhere! and who's fault is it? well, for the sake of being a Good Daughter, i'll blame the air-con. it has recently been neater than usual but has now settled back into it usual decor style of Eclectic Clutter. pfft!
it is Fate. my room can never be truly neat. it is against the rules of nature.
word of the day: flibbertigibbet - a flightly and gossipy female.
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
an unexpectedly fun day.
first a note: reading my posts, i realize i have horrid grammar. tsk tsk. i type to fast for the grammar sectionof my brain to catch up. so i plead with you 0 Readers, thou shalt not judge me by my grammatical errors.
merf, it's half as fun blogging about Sport's Day after already talking bout it on madCAP. oh well, in typical self-indulgent fashion, i will elaborate. it was quite embarassing at first because i'm not bery loud so people turned their heads to hear me but all they saw was my mouth moving and no sound. and they weren't very enthusiastic about it either.
but things got better - my friend saw my efforts and pitched in and finally took over when i gave up after awhile. he was really good. and louder lol.
i suppose what really motivated us into cheering was how some "miracles" happened. like doing the relay when we were trailing at the back when he passed the baton and the next guy just SHOT OFF. like, zoooooom into the first place. we ended up second though.
another motivation: heheh, a "certain male someone" was running. what?? i cannot deny that i am a hormonally-charged adolescent! and besides, i KNOW what's underneath that shirt *beams*
oh welly well.
it was exhilarating hearing the crowd shouting and screaming and standing and bouncing because you asked them to. like, woah.
i am such an exhibitionistic attention-seeker but at moments like this, i don't care!
we screamed til our throats were hoarse and when we tried to do our effectively loud, patented Girl Shriek, all that came out was this whispery thing that sounded like a person who sucked in helium was being strangled.
it was fantastic.
sweaty and sticky but amazing nonetheless knowing that our efforts contributed to the winning of the tacky "gold"-gilded plastic junkpiece.
i feel all warm and fuzzy.
and the mood carried on till later. we hopped into mr.cheong's car cuz he was feerying us to the school cuz we wanted to spend the afternoon in the art room. it was so FUN driving past the other students gawking at us, wahahahaha. it was so funny, some chased after us and did the typical "wah lao, unfair sia!" act. not that we tried to keep a low-profile *eville grin* it's so fun 'innocently' mocking others.
heh, and the skule was nice and empty other than the band. so that meant the carpark roads were empty as well. *beams* the three of us ran down the road screaming our heads off and waving our arms in the air ala mass hysteria. i've always wanted to do that. one day, SOON i hope, i'm gonna find fellow compatriots and do that at orchard. any takers? =D
we blasted music in the art room and happily, they were playing good music in the art room. it was such a party mood - the bunch of us jumping and dancing pif you can call it that] and leaping and twirling around when the band started playing while weilding charcoal sticks/brushes/pencils
happy happy happy.
i wish i had more days like this.
and mr.cheong stepped on a mouse. or kicked. we don't know, we couldn't tell. one moment it was doing mousey stuff in this corner and the next, it was lying side-ways dead. he was quite horrified. i prodded it with a stick..it was quite flat. so definitely some physical injury.
and it was quite cute too.
rest in peace 0 random unknown mouse.
first a note: reading my posts, i realize i have horrid grammar. tsk tsk. i type to fast for the grammar sectionof my brain to catch up. so i plead with you 0 Readers, thou shalt not judge me by my grammatical errors.
merf, it's half as fun blogging about Sport's Day after already talking bout it on madCAP. oh well, in typical self-indulgent fashion, i will elaborate. it was quite embarassing at first because i'm not bery loud so people turned their heads to hear me but all they saw was my mouth moving and no sound. and they weren't very enthusiastic about it either.
but things got better - my friend saw my efforts and pitched in and finally took over when i gave up after awhile. he was really good. and louder lol.
i suppose what really motivated us into cheering was how some "miracles" happened. like doing the relay when we were trailing at the back when he passed the baton and the next guy just SHOT OFF. like, zoooooom into the first place. we ended up second though.
another motivation: heheh, a "certain male someone" was running. what?? i cannot deny that i am a hormonally-charged adolescent! and besides, i KNOW what's underneath that shirt *beams*
oh welly well.
it was exhilarating hearing the crowd shouting and screaming and standing and bouncing because you asked them to. like, woah.
i am such an exhibitionistic attention-seeker but at moments like this, i don't care!
we screamed til our throats were hoarse and when we tried to do our effectively loud, patented Girl Shriek, all that came out was this whispery thing that sounded like a person who sucked in helium was being strangled.
it was fantastic.
sweaty and sticky but amazing nonetheless knowing that our efforts contributed to the winning of the tacky "gold"-gilded plastic junkpiece.
i feel all warm and fuzzy.
and the mood carried on till later. we hopped into mr.cheong's car cuz he was feerying us to the school cuz we wanted to spend the afternoon in the art room. it was so FUN driving past the other students gawking at us, wahahahaha. it was so funny, some chased after us and did the typical "wah lao, unfair sia!" act. not that we tried to keep a low-profile *eville grin* it's so fun 'innocently' mocking others.
heh, and the skule was nice and empty other than the band. so that meant the carpark roads were empty as well. *beams* the three of us ran down the road screaming our heads off and waving our arms in the air ala mass hysteria. i've always wanted to do that. one day, SOON i hope, i'm gonna find fellow compatriots and do that at orchard. any takers? =D
we blasted music in the art room and happily, they were playing good music in the art room. it was such a party mood - the bunch of us jumping and dancing pif you can call it that] and leaping and twirling around when the band started playing while weilding charcoal sticks/brushes/pencils
happy happy happy.
i wish i had more days like this.
and mr.cheong stepped on a mouse. or kicked. we don't know, we couldn't tell. one moment it was doing mousey stuff in this corner and the next, it was lying side-ways dead. he was quite horrified. i prodded it with a stick..it was quite flat. so definitely some physical injury.
and it was quite cute too.
rest in peace 0 random unknown mouse.
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
whoop-dee-doo.
i'm currently reading this chunk of a book on philosophy. i'm not quite sure why i picked it up but i suppose i was bored with reading fiction and i haven't been able to find any good suspense/crime authors recently SO.
anyway, it's called Confessions of a Philosopher. i thought it would be a good start in case i do get seriously interested in philosophy since it covers general concepts of philosophy itself, the philosophers who helped the author form his ideas and own concept etc.
i found it a rather challenging but satisying read. i would read the first few pages of each chapter, so absolutely absorbed and at times, in awe and then halfway through the chapter, the words in Times New Roman would start blurring and my brain would stop receiving the ideas that's being conveyed.
really.
after awhile, my brain just STOPS receiving. usually at this point, i fall asleep. i suppose for me, when i'm reading something as deep as philosophy, i cannot consume the entire hunk of information at one go. i'm better off reading small chunks and putting it away to digest the ideas and come up with my own opinions etc.
which was probably why i was rather quiet during our "intelligent conversation" at starbuck with the CAPpers. i was busy listening and combing through what bern was saying and hence, mind could not come up with own opinions because it was too busy dissecting what SHE was saying lol. which was also why, it was only hours after i analysed the whole thingy that i came up with my own opinions. which is also why, i can never be a debater.
_____________________________________________
i had a nice laugh with my friends after school today.
haven't had one in a long time really. laughing at comical instances that would otherwise on other occasions, make no sense at all let alone, be funny.
so fast-forward moments of laughter and not-so-great food. we were going out of the "restaurant" when this guy went up to my friend and asked her for her number.
i was quite surprised at this because i've always considered the other two faaar prettier than she is. not in a bitchy way, but from an objective perspective. it's not that SHE'S ugly, it's just that..she looks like a typical pretty, slightly lian-ish chinese girl. as compared to my other friends, who were in my opinion gorgeous because their unique prettiness.
i suppose the two guys never realized how pretty my other friends were because their looks are the kind that grows on you and when you look again, you realize - woah.
so is that what guys want? the /normal/ ones? i think they do.
huh. and don't for a second think i'm "jealous" at the lack of attention. i hardly ever get asked for my number by guys because a] i'm malay and b] i don't behave like one. so i kinda am lost in-between. i got over it a long time ago.
_____________________________________________
*merf. i just saw my friend's MSN nick. their preparing for their band com this saturday and it said how sometimes, she sees their Sir staring quietly at the empty field. and she says it as if it's a profound thing. erm, hello? he's just contemplating OMG, WILL OUR BAND FINALLY ACHIEVE BEST BAND AFTER DECADES OF DEFEAT? *sighs*
i'm currently reading this chunk of a book on philosophy. i'm not quite sure why i picked it up but i suppose i was bored with reading fiction and i haven't been able to find any good suspense/crime authors recently SO.
anyway, it's called Confessions of a Philosopher. i thought it would be a good start in case i do get seriously interested in philosophy since it covers general concepts of philosophy itself, the philosophers who helped the author form his ideas and own concept etc.
i found it a rather challenging but satisying read. i would read the first few pages of each chapter, so absolutely absorbed and at times, in awe and then halfway through the chapter, the words in Times New Roman would start blurring and my brain would stop receiving the ideas that's being conveyed.
really.
after awhile, my brain just STOPS receiving. usually at this point, i fall asleep. i suppose for me, when i'm reading something as deep as philosophy, i cannot consume the entire hunk of information at one go. i'm better off reading small chunks and putting it away to digest the ideas and come up with my own opinions etc.
which was probably why i was rather quiet during our "intelligent conversation" at starbuck with the CAPpers. i was busy listening and combing through what bern was saying and hence, mind could not come up with own opinions because it was too busy dissecting what SHE was saying lol. which was also why, it was only hours after i analysed the whole thingy that i came up with my own opinions. which is also why, i can never be a debater.
_____________________________________________
i had a nice laugh with my friends after school today.
haven't had one in a long time really. laughing at comical instances that would otherwise on other occasions, make no sense at all let alone, be funny.
so fast-forward moments of laughter and not-so-great food. we were going out of the "restaurant" when this guy went up to my friend and asked her for her number.
i was quite surprised at this because i've always considered the other two faaar prettier than she is. not in a bitchy way, but from an objective perspective. it's not that SHE'S ugly, it's just that..she looks like a typical pretty, slightly lian-ish chinese girl. as compared to my other friends, who were in my opinion gorgeous because their unique prettiness.
i suppose the two guys never realized how pretty my other friends were because their looks are the kind that grows on you and when you look again, you realize - woah.
so is that what guys want? the /normal/ ones? i think they do.
huh. and don't for a second think i'm "jealous" at the lack of attention. i hardly ever get asked for my number by guys because a] i'm malay and b] i don't behave like one. so i kinda am lost in-between. i got over it a long time ago.
_____________________________________________
*merf. i just saw my friend's MSN nick. their preparing for their band com this saturday and it said how sometimes, she sees their Sir staring quietly at the empty field. and she says it as if it's a profound thing. erm, hello? he's just contemplating OMG, WILL OUR BAND FINALLY ACHIEVE BEST BAND AFTER DECADES OF DEFEAT? *sighs*
SPAM AHEAD: more during Lit class.
oh gawd, the air-con isn't working properly. soon, it's going to be rather stuffy in here. but on the other and better hand, we've got new computers! hah, say GOODBYE jammed mouses and slow processors. hello....weird keyboard that i find hard to type with. meh.
http://www.funtrivia.com/dir/3733.html [the website i'm supposed to be at instead of blogging. oh well]
more websites: www.learn.co.uk
http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0903237.html
www.twelfthnightsite.co.uk
http://homepage.ntlword.com/bradsweb/12night.htm
"the heaven rains odours upon you." or something like that.
i have a feeling that this is going to be another rambling entry with no point whatsoever. i hereby would like to to apolagize for spamming.
blogging is really a rather self-indulgent activity isn't it? especially now that a few people actually do read the entries compared to my old blog that had no audience at all.
oh oh oh, we had english lesson earlier on and were doing this composition time practice. at first i was quite unhappy that we /had/ to do a descriptive cuz it's not very fun for me most of the time but than i started getting into it and it got really really fun. well, it was for me, i managed to write 3 pages without leaving lines which is quite a feat for me considering recently slow pace when doing work.
you know why i enjoyed it so much? it reminded me strongly of the writing workshop with Meira Chand[?] during CAP. i loved that workshop. although we didn't really learn much, it was fantastic because of the energy that was in the air as the bunch of us furiously wrote and passed the prose pieces around only to gasp at how the story had evolved in the hands [or pen really] of others. *sighs* i miss CAP. it was amazing. the synergy. something like that.
although i was rather annoyed by the people who kept interrupting me with their questions and "iz, lemme your dictionary!". augh!
you keep a dictionary in school?, you ask. yes i do. it is my source of entertainment during boring english lessons. it is muchos fun flipping it to a random page and randomly pointing to an obscure word.
they should sell it at Toys R' Us. repackage it in bright plastic and glitter.
doesnt sound fun? well, that's how boring english lessons are.
i realize that i'm hardly being decently eloquent and that this happens usually after school. SO WHAT DOES THIS PROVE? that school brainwashes me.
oh gawd, the air-con isn't working properly. soon, it's going to be rather stuffy in here. but on the other and better hand, we've got new computers! hah, say GOODBYE jammed mouses and slow processors. hello....weird keyboard that i find hard to type with. meh.
http://www.funtrivia.com/dir/3733.html [the website i'm supposed to be at instead of blogging. oh well]
more websites: www.learn.co.uk
http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0903237.html
www.twelfthnightsite.co.uk
http://homepage.ntlword.com/bradsweb/12night.htm
"the heaven rains odours upon you." or something like that.
i have a feeling that this is going to be another rambling entry with no point whatsoever. i hereby would like to to apolagize for spamming.
blogging is really a rather self-indulgent activity isn't it? especially now that a few people actually do read the entries compared to my old blog that had no audience at all.
oh oh oh, we had english lesson earlier on and were doing this composition time practice. at first i was quite unhappy that we /had/ to do a descriptive cuz it's not very fun for me most of the time but than i started getting into it and it got really really fun. well, it was for me, i managed to write 3 pages without leaving lines which is quite a feat for me considering recently slow pace when doing work.
you know why i enjoyed it so much? it reminded me strongly of the writing workshop with Meira Chand[?] during CAP. i loved that workshop. although we didn't really learn much, it was fantastic because of the energy that was in the air as the bunch of us furiously wrote and passed the prose pieces around only to gasp at how the story had evolved in the hands [or pen really] of others. *sighs* i miss CAP. it was amazing. the synergy. something like that.
although i was rather annoyed by the people who kept interrupting me with their questions and "iz, lemme your dictionary!". augh!
you keep a dictionary in school?, you ask. yes i do. it is my source of entertainment during boring english lessons. it is muchos fun flipping it to a random page and randomly pointing to an obscure word.
they should sell it at Toys R' Us. repackage it in bright plastic and glitter.
doesnt sound fun? well, that's how boring english lessons are.
i realize that i'm hardly being decently eloquent and that this happens usually after school. SO WHAT DOES THIS PROVE? that school brainwashes me.
Monday, April 12, 2004
the big Carrot.
my dad's just offered me something in return of 4 A1s and a >10-pointer.
*hyperventilates*
merf, i would be able to get not one, but TWO ipods.
*HYPERVENTILATES*
meh. i don't really think i can really, considering it now after the haze of eupohoria. geez. i was JUST writing the timeline for Russia till Lenin's death and i realized how much work i have cut out for me. pharque.
i mentally browsed through the chapters we've covered for history and found it mind-boggling. and /then/ i realized i had missed out on the Cold War and post-WW2! and, not considering the fact that we havent covered that mikhail guy and only are halfway-through post-Mao.
AUGH.
are you sure we've got to do both sec3+sec4 work for the mid-years??? i will die.
i was also writing out a study plan of some sort for individual subjects and the phases so to speak. and you know what? i ended up writing alot of "memorize!".
again, i have to remind myself that my four years here is not [cliche moment people!] a journey of learning to prepare myself for the challanges that i will face in life but of course, a process of memorization to prepare for the big moment of Regurgitation.
*sighs*
what was i thinking? i can't possibly get a 10-pointer! i don't think my brain can store that much information only to be retrieved within a short span of time and phrase it eloquently in an essay.
meh.
i'm sorry that i appear to be rambling? appear - wait, i AM rambling. i'm tired and not for a very good reason either. i am tired because no, i was not studying until my brains bled. hah, i even skipped my math time practice today to go *drumroll* shopping. if it helps, i wasn't the one shopping. i was merely the advisor and succeeded in finding for my friend the perfect skirt for her outfit for this saturday's school concert/performance thingy. oh yeah, she shoots! she SCORES!
no, it doesn't help does it?
i think i shall go away and find a hole to crawl in until the O's are over. i will then blame my months-long absence over my lack of a sense of direction. IT WASN'T MY FAULT. SUDDENLY, I WAS IN A HOLE AND I COULD NOT FIND MY WAY OUT.
ah, farewell.
my dad's just offered me something in return of 4 A1s and a >10-pointer.
*hyperventilates*
merf, i would be able to get not one, but TWO ipods.
*HYPERVENTILATES*
meh. i don't really think i can really, considering it now after the haze of eupohoria. geez. i was JUST writing the timeline for Russia till Lenin's death and i realized how much work i have cut out for me. pharque.
i mentally browsed through the chapters we've covered for history and found it mind-boggling. and /then/ i realized i had missed out on the Cold War and post-WW2! and, not considering the fact that we havent covered that mikhail guy and only are halfway-through post-Mao.
AUGH.
are you sure we've got to do both sec3+sec4 work for the mid-years??? i will die.
i was also writing out a study plan of some sort for individual subjects and the phases so to speak. and you know what? i ended up writing alot of "memorize!".
again, i have to remind myself that my four years here is not [cliche moment people!] a journey of learning to prepare myself for the challanges that i will face in life but of course, a process of memorization to prepare for the big moment of Regurgitation.
*sighs*
what was i thinking? i can't possibly get a 10-pointer! i don't think my brain can store that much information only to be retrieved within a short span of time and phrase it eloquently in an essay.
meh.
i'm sorry that i appear to be rambling? appear - wait, i AM rambling. i'm tired and not for a very good reason either. i am tired because no, i was not studying until my brains bled. hah, i even skipped my math time practice today to go *drumroll* shopping. if it helps, i wasn't the one shopping. i was merely the advisor and succeeded in finding for my friend the perfect skirt for her outfit for this saturday's school concert/performance thingy. oh yeah, she shoots! she SCORES!
no, it doesn't help does it?
i think i shall go away and find a hole to crawl in until the O's are over. i will then blame my months-long absence over my lack of a sense of direction. IT WASN'T MY FAULT. SUDDENLY, I WAS IN A HOLE AND I COULD NOT FIND MY WAY OUT.
ah, farewell.
Saturday, April 10, 2004
a short note.
ah. religion.
i think i didn't mention that tomorrow's Event happens to be kinda a religious one which is perhaps, a good deal why i am not very enthusiastic about.
i am..in much confooosion about my religion. i truly and will always believe in God and the prophet so i don't think i need to question the strenght of my faith. wait - actually, i think i need to. i think i've been needing to for a long time but always avoided doing so because well, i'm afraid of the answer that i might come up with.
i'm afraid that by questioning myself to much, i might come to a conclusion that i don't /want/ to have.
you see, being a muslim, i was BORN into the religion. i didn't choose to be [sudd. realized my mudder wud muchos be not happy is she sees this post], it was integrated into my life without much protest. it was expected of me to go along with it and yes, i DO believe in the concept of islam. it's just that...there are times i question and beg to differ with a lot of other stuff that is part of my religious classes and this is bad because the environment i'm in frowns upon disagreement. to disagree would be coming close to rejecting islam and hence, god.
but that's not what i'm doing or want to do.
one strong point i've always disagreed about is studying the hadith which is the Prophet's sayings. he himself in his life, has always reminded everyone else that he is a mere human and should not be glorified and yet, now we're memorizing his quotes? geez. AND how..credible can this quotes be? it could esily be hear-say couldn't it? and clerics make rules according to what they infer from these quotes. isn't it oh-so-possible that their inferences could be well, wrong? and that anyway, the quotes were made EONS ago and would it still be relevent today?
and the tudung. weekly on sunday, i put it on to go to my classes. but i've never felt good about putting it on. no, it's not about the "isn't it stuffy and uncomfortable?". it's the concept. i don't believe/agree right now with the idea of wearing one although the philosophy for wearing one i think is sensible and quite noble. the main point is, I don't want to wear one and yet, i put it on. first of all, i feel like a hypocrite and second, i feel like i'm making a mockery of the whole thing because while i'm wearing it, all i think about is "why am i doing this? i don't want to.".
the whole idea of 'forcing' religion upon someone...really puts me off. it sickens me to know that in religious classes and church, there are people who are there although they don't want to and that they are rejecting every second of godliness for the simplae fact that it was forced on them.
religion shouldn't be like that.
it should be something and somewhere you choose to be. that is what it's all about isn't it? finding salvation after searching. not having a religion because you're supposed to.
like i've said before, these days, i'm never sure about anything anymore.
ah. religion.
i think i didn't mention that tomorrow's Event happens to be kinda a religious one which is perhaps, a good deal why i am not very enthusiastic about.
i am..in much confooosion about my religion. i truly and will always believe in God and the prophet so i don't think i need to question the strenght of my faith. wait - actually, i think i need to. i think i've been needing to for a long time but always avoided doing so because well, i'm afraid of the answer that i might come up with.
i'm afraid that by questioning myself to much, i might come to a conclusion that i don't /want/ to have.
you see, being a muslim, i was BORN into the religion. i didn't choose to be [sudd. realized my mudder wud muchos be not happy is she sees this post], it was integrated into my life without much protest. it was expected of me to go along with it and yes, i DO believe in the concept of islam. it's just that...there are times i question and beg to differ with a lot of other stuff that is part of my religious classes and this is bad because the environment i'm in frowns upon disagreement. to disagree would be coming close to rejecting islam and hence, god.
but that's not what i'm doing or want to do.
one strong point i've always disagreed about is studying the hadith which is the Prophet's sayings. he himself in his life, has always reminded everyone else that he is a mere human and should not be glorified and yet, now we're memorizing his quotes? geez. AND how..credible can this quotes be? it could esily be hear-say couldn't it? and clerics make rules according to what they infer from these quotes. isn't it oh-so-possible that their inferences could be well, wrong? and that anyway, the quotes were made EONS ago and would it still be relevent today?
and the tudung. weekly on sunday, i put it on to go to my classes. but i've never felt good about putting it on. no, it's not about the "isn't it stuffy and uncomfortable?". it's the concept. i don't believe/agree right now with the idea of wearing one although the philosophy for wearing one i think is sensible and quite noble. the main point is, I don't want to wear one and yet, i put it on. first of all, i feel like a hypocrite and second, i feel like i'm making a mockery of the whole thing because while i'm wearing it, all i think about is "why am i doing this? i don't want to.".
the whole idea of 'forcing' religion upon someone...really puts me off. it sickens me to know that in religious classes and church, there are people who are there although they don't want to and that they are rejecting every second of godliness for the simplae fact that it was forced on them.
religion shouldn't be like that.
it should be something and somewhere you choose to be. that is what it's all about isn't it? finding salvation after searching. not having a religion because you're supposed to.
like i've said before, these days, i'm never sure about anything anymore.
my hands smell of garlic. yeech.
meh. in about two hours or so, my fudder dearest will be unplugging the computer and shoving it in some corner for tomorrow's Event. *sighs*
he's the one organizing and being all enthusiastic about tomorrow. i think to him, it's some nice project. i don't think he gets that the rest of us could /really/ do without it.
__________________________________________
another topic that came up yesterday while we were talking was normalcy.
do you consider yourself normal? i suppose before answering that, we'll have to define what you consider normal. to me, normal is whatever the majority is, so if your the minority, you're NOT normal. does that make sense?
but then, bern also said that everybody is different and since everybody is different, then it would be normal to be different. and that too, makes sense.
so even within the majority, people are still different and hence, not normal. huh. but if their different, then what is it that binds them into becoming prt of the majority?
ah. conforming i suppose. by stifling and toning down your own personal eccentricities, one becomes more or less, similar to one another and therefor, normal.
but i don't want to be normal. unfortunately, i think i am.
philosophy. bah, humbug.
________________________________________________
i've realized after much observation that those who usually have a good [read; higher than average] self-esteem fall deeper when they do get depressed. it's that and/or their confidence was simply a facade.
compared to those who don't really hold themselves in high esteem, they fall less when they do get depressed. their emotional plunge is less steep.
hmm.
meh. in about two hours or so, my fudder dearest will be unplugging the computer and shoving it in some corner for tomorrow's Event. *sighs*
he's the one organizing and being all enthusiastic about tomorrow. i think to him, it's some nice project. i don't think he gets that the rest of us could /really/ do without it.
__________________________________________
another topic that came up yesterday while we were talking was normalcy.
do you consider yourself normal? i suppose before answering that, we'll have to define what you consider normal. to me, normal is whatever the majority is, so if your the minority, you're NOT normal. does that make sense?
but then, bern also said that everybody is different and since everybody is different, then it would be normal to be different. and that too, makes sense.
so even within the majority, people are still different and hence, not normal. huh. but if their different, then what is it that binds them into becoming prt of the majority?
ah. conforming i suppose. by stifling and toning down your own personal eccentricities, one becomes more or less, similar to one another and therefor, normal.
but i don't want to be normal. unfortunately, i think i am.
philosophy. bah, humbug.
________________________________________________
i've realized after much observation that those who usually have a good [read; higher than average] self-esteem fall deeper when they do get depressed. it's that and/or their confidence was simply a facade.
compared to those who don't really hold themselves in high esteem, they fall less when they do get depressed. their emotional plunge is less steep.
hmm.
Friday, April 09, 2004
so..what problems do you have?
this question popped up while we were just sitting at starbucks with my CAP friends. and it unexpectedly left me [and i think most of us] quite stumped.
i thought of a few and it all sounded so trivial that i wisely decided to keep them to myself. you know, typical teenage angst.
i suppose this is a good way to un-depress myself when the need arises. i shall ask myself, "so iz..what are your problems?". i will then talk to myself and i will realize that i am being petty and should be a better person and remember how much more people are suffering out there and then i shall feel guilty for being so self-centered etc and will then, hate myself.
hmm. so scrap that idea.
problems..problems. i think i'm better at listing out my flaws.
-my perfectionistic trait.
this is usually a good thing in most people but it's rather destructive for me. why? because a LOT of times, i am simply lazy and yet, i still get kinda upset when i flunk etc.
and also because i am a perfectionist at times, i can get pretty bossy when doing projects and friends usually avoid me because of this. so recently, i've avoided being the "leader" and let my friends take the steering wheel which i realize now, is quite torturous. i do NOT like being the one being delegated tasks. i do NOT like having to go along with an idea i dont particularly like since not being leader, i am less able to convince people to see my point of view. i like to delegate, to come up with the general concept and to see how with everybody's work, it gets refined into the end product. i much prefer co-ordinating and seeing how from nothing, it becomes SOMETHING because of our hard work.
AND. being a perfectionist means i find it hard to be criticized, pointing out the imperfections of my work. i KNOW it's imperfect and i'm unhappy that it is so and for others to point it out as well, makes me feel even worse. even though i know it's important and oh-so-constructive and yadda yadda yadda. i force myself to be put in a position to be criticized because well, it improves your work but trust me, i hate hearing every single syllable of it. but i need it SO.
-obsessive.
this nicely co-incides with the above. not healthy, a complete waste of time and sometimes because of my dwelling habits, i fall into the deep end so to speak.
-anti-social.
at school, a lot of people have the misconception that im snobby because of this. they see me being crazy and friendly with my best buds but totally ignoring others. it's not that i don't like them, but i dont find the experience ugh, i don't know how to explain. i'm just not the kind to strike a conversation out of nowhere even if i've been in your lit class for 2 years. i just can't make myself do it, i find it awkward.
are these considered problems?
i suppose i'm quite happy at school. i'm taking all the subjects i like and not taking the ones i can /never/ take without losing my sanity[geog/amath/physics]. i have all the friends i need. i'm not popular and not high up on the social ladder but im pretty sure im not a wallflower. my grades are not scraping the bottom of the barrel and though their not great, i know it's cuz i dont work hard enough. nobody has a particular hatred for me. i've learnt how to ignore all those bitchy cliques and just get along with life.
home life is pretty fine too. sure, the common friction with the Parental Authorities but nothing to kill myself over. my parents don't hate me and they certainly care about me *phew*. and my mudder is pretty tolerant of my crazy antics *PHEW*. she understands why i get into trouble at school and is pretty sympatathic as well.
geez, it sounds almost perfect doesnt it? i know people who are going through heavy stuff like ostracization [cant spell. sorry], bullying, and Wallflower-itis at school and even worse stuff at home like abuse, neglect or just complete arseholic parents. i feel guilty.
for being fine and all. and yet, still i get depressed.
*slaps herself*
LIKE GEEZ, I DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE DEPRESSED. gawd, i am such a loser. i should get a grip and stop being so self-indulgent and immature.
oh gawd.
please, the next time i go into my Dark Corner, please grab me by the collar and give me a tight slap. i might just kill you as a result though. just a warning.
_____________________________________________
aprilmadCAPouting.
i think generally, we were muchos annoyed by the fact that we didn't get to watch the movie we wanted, let alone sneak into The Passion. like, bummer.
so we watched Twisted. a movie i didn't even KNOW was showing. geez. it was pretty good i think but the start of it was horrid. it was all disjointed and didnt make much sense. and it didn't help that we missed the first 10 minutes or so. and i got "please shut up!"ed at. oops. but i/we just had a LOT to say. i'm sorry Singapore Audience, but there's always a commentary going on in my head and when with company, i automatically share this commentary. i know it's an annoying trait but oh well. i'm just not a very quiet person.
merf.
um um what happened next? ah yes, we went kino. matthew was mean to me. AND just as i decided that i shall be a Nice Person to him because my best friend says he's a Nice Person so i should not be sarcastic and tease him anymore since he is my Friend. after today, i henceforth shall revert to my old self and mercilessly taunt him because hah, he does the same thing to me. it's a strange friendship.
and i felt thoroughly lost at kino, specifically when we were wandering at the poetry section. it really just hammered in how un-cultured i am. gawd. i recognized the poets but urgh.
yadda yadda yadda, we went to starbucks. yum mocha frapp. felt really bad when i had to leave. i honestly had to tear myself away from the conversation. how very the annoying.
___________________________________________
grk. i have to go and sleep early. because my parents want me to. my mudder just told me to "go to bed early". augh augh augh. must NOT think about it. ai-yeeeeeeee!!
i wonder if you guys know what i'm so horrified about
this question popped up while we were just sitting at starbucks with my CAP friends. and it unexpectedly left me [and i think most of us] quite stumped.
i thought of a few and it all sounded so trivial that i wisely decided to keep them to myself. you know, typical teenage angst.
i suppose this is a good way to un-depress myself when the need arises. i shall ask myself, "so iz..what are your problems?". i will then talk to myself and i will realize that i am being petty and should be a better person and remember how much more people are suffering out there and then i shall feel guilty for being so self-centered etc and will then, hate myself.
hmm. so scrap that idea.
problems..problems. i think i'm better at listing out my flaws.
-my perfectionistic trait.
this is usually a good thing in most people but it's rather destructive for me. why? because a LOT of times, i am simply lazy and yet, i still get kinda upset when i flunk etc.
and also because i am a perfectionist at times, i can get pretty bossy when doing projects and friends usually avoid me because of this. so recently, i've avoided being the "leader" and let my friends take the steering wheel which i realize now, is quite torturous. i do NOT like being the one being delegated tasks. i do NOT like having to go along with an idea i dont particularly like since not being leader, i am less able to convince people to see my point of view. i like to delegate, to come up with the general concept and to see how with everybody's work, it gets refined into the end product. i much prefer co-ordinating and seeing how from nothing, it becomes SOMETHING because of our hard work.
AND. being a perfectionist means i find it hard to be criticized, pointing out the imperfections of my work. i KNOW it's imperfect and i'm unhappy that it is so and for others to point it out as well, makes me feel even worse. even though i know it's important and oh-so-constructive and yadda yadda yadda. i force myself to be put in a position to be criticized because well, it improves your work but trust me, i hate hearing every single syllable of it. but i need it SO.
-obsessive.
this nicely co-incides with the above. not healthy, a complete waste of time and sometimes because of my dwelling habits, i fall into the deep end so to speak.
-anti-social.
at school, a lot of people have the misconception that im snobby because of this. they see me being crazy and friendly with my best buds but totally ignoring others. it's not that i don't like them, but i dont find the experience ugh, i don't know how to explain. i'm just not the kind to strike a conversation out of nowhere even if i've been in your lit class for 2 years. i just can't make myself do it, i find it awkward.
are these considered problems?
i suppose i'm quite happy at school. i'm taking all the subjects i like and not taking the ones i can /never/ take without losing my sanity[geog/amath/physics]. i have all the friends i need. i'm not popular and not high up on the social ladder but im pretty sure im not a wallflower. my grades are not scraping the bottom of the barrel and though their not great, i know it's cuz i dont work hard enough. nobody has a particular hatred for me. i've learnt how to ignore all those bitchy cliques and just get along with life.
home life is pretty fine too. sure, the common friction with the Parental Authorities but nothing to kill myself over. my parents don't hate me and they certainly care about me *phew*. and my mudder is pretty tolerant of my crazy antics *PHEW*. she understands why i get into trouble at school and is pretty sympatathic as well.
geez, it sounds almost perfect doesnt it? i know people who are going through heavy stuff like ostracization [cant spell. sorry], bullying, and Wallflower-itis at school and even worse stuff at home like abuse, neglect or just complete arseholic parents. i feel guilty.
for being fine and all. and yet, still i get depressed.
*slaps herself*
LIKE GEEZ, I DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE DEPRESSED. gawd, i am such a loser. i should get a grip and stop being so self-indulgent and immature.
oh gawd.
please, the next time i go into my Dark Corner, please grab me by the collar and give me a tight slap. i might just kill you as a result though. just a warning.
_____________________________________________
aprilmadCAPouting.
i think generally, we were muchos annoyed by the fact that we didn't get to watch the movie we wanted, let alone sneak into The Passion. like, bummer.
so we watched Twisted. a movie i didn't even KNOW was showing. geez. it was pretty good i think but the start of it was horrid. it was all disjointed and didnt make much sense. and it didn't help that we missed the first 10 minutes or so. and i got "please shut up!"ed at. oops. but i/we just had a LOT to say. i'm sorry Singapore Audience, but there's always a commentary going on in my head and when with company, i automatically share this commentary. i know it's an annoying trait but oh well. i'm just not a very quiet person.
merf.
um um what happened next? ah yes, we went kino. matthew was mean to me. AND just as i decided that i shall be a Nice Person to him because my best friend says he's a Nice Person so i should not be sarcastic and tease him anymore since he is my Friend. after today, i henceforth shall revert to my old self and mercilessly taunt him because hah, he does the same thing to me. it's a strange friendship.
and i felt thoroughly lost at kino, specifically when we were wandering at the poetry section. it really just hammered in how un-cultured i am. gawd. i recognized the poets but urgh.
yadda yadda yadda, we went to starbucks. yum mocha frapp. felt really bad when i had to leave. i honestly had to tear myself away from the conversation. how very the annoying.
___________________________________________
grk. i have to go and sleep early. because my parents want me to. my mudder just told me to "go to bed early". augh augh augh. must NOT think about it. ai-yeeeeeeee!!
i wonder if you guys know what i'm so horrified about
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
You’re a good girl, ‘though I stink of fat
I need this, I need him, I need her,
I need everybody.
Why?
But you’re my best friend, you slide beneath my shadow
Skin you’re my good friend, the only one I would ever truly leave
As the day ends and the night begins
These big city lights come like stars that don’t shine right
As all of us depend on love from those above
That comfort, the comfort of strangers
Listen
I love you
Way too much Way too much
Way too much
I can wallow in your reckless recklessness
slave to all things useful to you
You are a dream to me I can’t recall your name
your face
your smell
your taste
your mouth
I was kinder then, but not now.
As the day ends and the night begins
These big city lights come like stars that don’t shine right
As all of us depend on love from those above
That’s comfort, the comfort of strangers
I say, I don’t want to hurt you, but really I do
I want to caress you like no girl before then leave you cold
Hey you listen
I said that I loved you and really I meant it, too
I tried to keep some semblance of feeling,
trapped beneath this dizzy work of art
As the day ends and the night begins
These big city lights come like stars that don’t shine bright
As all of us depend on love from those above
That comfort, the comfort of strangers
You are a dream to me
You You You are
I don’t want to hurt you
No I don’t want to hurt you
But I don’t want to hurt you
I said I love you
I… I need the comfort of strangers
comfort of strangers; skin.
i love this song. it's got this jazzy edge to it and it sounds so goood. i've been looking for the lyrics for /ages/ and now, FINALLY. knowing the lyrics, i love it even more.
go try download it! meh, my kazaa is spoiled because my ad-removal software did something diddly to it and i'm too lazy to re-install it.
I need this, I need him, I need her,
I need everybody.
Why?
But you’re my best friend, you slide beneath my shadow
Skin you’re my good friend, the only one I would ever truly leave
As the day ends and the night begins
These big city lights come like stars that don’t shine right
As all of us depend on love from those above
That comfort, the comfort of strangers
Listen
I love you
Way too much Way too much
Way too much
I can wallow in your reckless recklessness
slave to all things useful to you
You are a dream to me I can’t recall your name
your face
your smell
your taste
your mouth
I was kinder then, but not now.
As the day ends and the night begins
These big city lights come like stars that don’t shine right
As all of us depend on love from those above
That’s comfort, the comfort of strangers
I say, I don’t want to hurt you, but really I do
I want to caress you like no girl before then leave you cold
Hey you listen
I said that I loved you and really I meant it, too
I tried to keep some semblance of feeling,
trapped beneath this dizzy work of art
As the day ends and the night begins
These big city lights come like stars that don’t shine bright
As all of us depend on love from those above
That comfort, the comfort of strangers
You are a dream to me
You You You are
I don’t want to hurt you
No I don’t want to hurt you
But I don’t want to hurt you
I said I love you
I… I need the comfort of strangers
comfort of strangers; skin.
i love this song. it's got this jazzy edge to it and it sounds so goood. i've been looking for the lyrics for /ages/ and now, FINALLY. knowing the lyrics, i love it even more.
go try download it! meh, my kazaa is spoiled because my ad-removal software did something diddly to it and i'm too lazy to re-install it.
Tuesday, April 06, 2004
time for me to be shamelessly blatant
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, OH HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
there you go. i am satiated. all day long, i've been smiling and beaming thanks at the birthday wishes when all i wanted to do was scream out that AIEEE, I'm SIXTEEN! except of course, nobody likes a little birthday bragger so hah!
siim ynn and heng pei, thank you very much for my first ever miniature Inflatable Toy Boy. i LOVE it - and so does my p6 sister. is that disturbing?
no, i do not mind that it is only 20''. unless of course you're implying that i am short and hence, the doll's height would suffice. but you two are very nice people and i'm pretty sure you don't.
thank you aini for the Meiji birthday bear thing. you have provided proof that Emily was made for me since co-incidentally my birthday bear is entirely in red and black ala emily. i can now tell all the other poseurs to bugger off, the arseholes that they are. =D
thank you gennie for your NEW n0 sugar-added chupa-chup. i know you wanted it for yourself but graciously sacrificed it to me. i am deeply touched.
thank you all for the pledges of belated presents. i shall graciously wait in silence and will graciously forget if you conveniently forget as well.
thank you for the numerous butt pinches and wet smacks you gave me - i know you all take great joy in seeing my ears turn pink. *rolls eyes* oh the torment i go through just for your sake, tsk.
thank you CHARMAINE, my bestest best friend, my Lesbian Lover. my birthday wouldnt be the same without you. i am Timon, you are Pumbaa. i am SpongeBob and you, are Patrick Star.
*sniffles* i love you all.
and of couse, i thank myself and the present i got myself. dammit iz, that is one NICE bag you bought! lol. kidding~
well, it is though!
________________________________________________
is there something wrong with my tagboard? i have a feeling there's something off with the coding cuz it's not loading properly.
i hate twiddling with my lay-outs to get rid of this glitches.
honestly, i've never EVER had any problem like shifted pictures or weird tables with my red Emily lay-out. tsk tsk, what /does/ this prove?
_______________________________________________
warning: the next passage will be rather cryptic and the subject it's aimed at doesn't even read my blog but oh well. i apologize in advance if it happens to befuddle and annoy the hell out of you.
i think at times, that given the right oppurtunity - i might be able to do it. right now, it feels as if i am already half-way there. but i've never allowed myself to do so before and perhaps, because i never found anyone to feel that way about before.
but now i have. and yet, still.
this is restraint at my very best. it's probably the only aspect in my life that this trait comes into place and ironically here, it does more harm than good. i hold myself back because i am not sure. as usual. i am afraid, worried. a million thoughts cross my mind, fleeting ones and others that play on loop.
i would rather you not know this side of me.
wouldn't you like to know my greatest fear?
people say i could be wrong, that my fears have no basis and that you are what i want you to be and how you feel. i suppose logically, theoretically, they could be right.
but you see, i know better - i know how my life goes and you being how i want you to be just does not follow the flow of how events play out in my life.
my life is hardly one of fairytale happy endings. i hardly ever get what i want which is, in this case, you.
now did i just say that? please ignore it's significance. it is not the most important thing that i have to say.
mine is one of unrequited adoration and the receiving of affection from those i sadly cannot find within myself reciprocation. misfired arrows from a drunken cupid.
this is not to say i live a life of misery, i am happy merely talking to you i suppose. it's just that, i never get happy endings and i'm not expecting any. from this situation, or anything else life throws at me.
so yeah, convoluted, this is how i feel.
not that you asked or want to know [you don't even know], but here it is. right here on the world wide web for everyone to see and yet ironically, i know you won't. which is why it is here really.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, OH HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
there you go. i am satiated. all day long, i've been smiling and beaming thanks at the birthday wishes when all i wanted to do was scream out that AIEEE, I'm SIXTEEN! except of course, nobody likes a little birthday bragger so hah!
siim ynn and heng pei, thank you very much for my first ever miniature Inflatable Toy Boy. i LOVE it - and so does my p6 sister. is that disturbing?
no, i do not mind that it is only 20''. unless of course you're implying that i am short and hence, the doll's height would suffice. but you two are very nice people and i'm pretty sure you don't.
thank you aini for the Meiji birthday bear thing. you have provided proof that Emily was made for me since co-incidentally my birthday bear is entirely in red and black ala emily. i can now tell all the other poseurs to bugger off, the arseholes that they are. =D
thank you gennie for your NEW n0 sugar-added chupa-chup. i know you wanted it for yourself but graciously sacrificed it to me. i am deeply touched.
thank you all for the pledges of belated presents. i shall graciously wait in silence and will graciously forget if you conveniently forget as well.
thank you for the numerous butt pinches and wet smacks you gave me - i know you all take great joy in seeing my ears turn pink. *rolls eyes* oh the torment i go through just for your sake, tsk.
thank you CHARMAINE, my bestest best friend, my Lesbian Lover. my birthday wouldnt be the same without you. i am Timon, you are Pumbaa. i am SpongeBob and you, are Patrick Star.
*sniffles* i love you all.
and of couse, i thank myself and the present i got myself. dammit iz, that is one NICE bag you bought! lol. kidding~
well, it is though!
________________________________________________
is there something wrong with my tagboard? i have a feeling there's something off with the coding cuz it's not loading properly.
i hate twiddling with my lay-outs to get rid of this glitches.
honestly, i've never EVER had any problem like shifted pictures or weird tables with my red Emily lay-out. tsk tsk, what /does/ this prove?
_______________________________________________
warning: the next passage will be rather cryptic and the subject it's aimed at doesn't even read my blog but oh well. i apologize in advance if it happens to befuddle and annoy the hell out of you.
i think at times, that given the right oppurtunity - i might be able to do it. right now, it feels as if i am already half-way there. but i've never allowed myself to do so before and perhaps, because i never found anyone to feel that way about before.
but now i have. and yet, still.
this is restraint at my very best. it's probably the only aspect in my life that this trait comes into place and ironically here, it does more harm than good. i hold myself back because i am not sure. as usual. i am afraid, worried. a million thoughts cross my mind, fleeting ones and others that play on loop.
i would rather you not know this side of me.
wouldn't you like to know my greatest fear?
people say i could be wrong, that my fears have no basis and that you are what i want you to be and how you feel. i suppose logically, theoretically, they could be right.
but you see, i know better - i know how my life goes and you being how i want you to be just does not follow the flow of how events play out in my life.
my life is hardly one of fairytale happy endings. i hardly ever get what i want which is, in this case, you.
now did i just say that? please ignore it's significance. it is not the most important thing that i have to say.
mine is one of unrequited adoration and the receiving of affection from those i sadly cannot find within myself reciprocation. misfired arrows from a drunken cupid.
this is not to say i live a life of misery, i am happy merely talking to you i suppose. it's just that, i never get happy endings and i'm not expecting any. from this situation, or anything else life throws at me.
so yeah, convoluted, this is how i feel.
not that you asked or want to know [you don't even know], but here it is. right here on the world wide web for everyone to see and yet ironically, i know you won't. which is why it is here really.
Monday, April 05, 2004
just a bit of blabbering.
new layout. i still like my red emily one but i like this one for it's zen-ness? whatever. i'm in a state of complete blurness. i just woke up from a nap and let's just say my neurons aren't exactly at it's sharpest point right now. i have to go "research" for my CME project; Marriage and Parenthood.
what a complete bummer. i suppose i'm kinda disappointed with what we're doing [it's a team thingy] because i had this idea to do something more..radical but because it's now a last minute thingy, we're doing the oh so typical and boring powerpoint presentation. merph. *sighs* but oh well, i shall do my part as a team member - augh.
________________________________
today was the 5 item NAPFA. if any of you remember [which i really doubt], i have been for the past few weeks been praying for some sort of minor injury to get excused from it. well, i got my wish!
yesterday, i fell into a longkang.
yes, a longkang. the knee-high ones that line HDB estates for drainage etc. it was raining REALLY hard and i was at the carpark picking up my aunty with an umbrella. i tried to avoid the puddle of water on this patch of grass, mis-stepped and plonked my leg right into the longkang. *ouch*
and NOW i have to re-take it on wednesday. i'm glad it's not 2ml though, i'm not comfortable with some people in the classes taking it 2ml.
so today, i was the class's personal cheerleader - rah! rah! it was quite fun actually.
i'm not looking forward to wednesday.
_________________________________
i'm getting /somewhere/ on my art!
yay.
i've finished 2 prelim study boards which leave me...a whopping 6 more to do. and my final piece isn't even halfway done. diediedie
and my exams start in 2 weeks. really, i've got all the pieces placed in perfect co-ordination for a nervy breakdown.
_________________________________
ooh, i managed to catch Fight Club yesterday.
augh i LOVED it! other than the complete Sex Godliness of brad pitt all bruised up, the plot the directing the cinematography was a-mazing!
the mantras and philosophies - so morbidly zen.
"you are not a pretty snowflake." it sounded so familiar and i realized that it was a quote from draco sinister [cassandra claire] except draco went "i AM a pretty snowflake!"
the movie was beautiful. my mother was abit disturbed abt how i was raving and raving about it. i told to her finally accept the fact that her daughter is in fact, morbid and revels in the weird and strange.
she just shook her head. i get the feeling she can't wait to see me out of my adolescent phase and into the Sensible Adult stage.
i wished i had managed to catch the flick earlier but it must have been rated NC or something. ergh, that means the one i watched yesterday was heavily cut up by the censors *sighs*
oh and i found it hilarious by the fact that the character Marla, this goth-chick, was played by the same actress who plays Lady Olivia in the movie Twelfth Night i watched in school! she is so friggin' talented! [duh]
all through her scenes, i kept on flashback-ing of her in corsetted dresses and tumbling curls instead of the frizzed punk 'do she was wearing in Fight Club. and there was this one part when the lead guy was walking away from her just like the way Cesario/Viola walked away from Olivia, i was almost expecting her to suddenly go Wait! Tell me what dost thou think of me? in her desperate "OMG, i worship the ground you walk on! i want to have your kids!" way.
just wow.
i HAVE to get my hands on the book.
new layout. i still like my red emily one but i like this one for it's zen-ness? whatever. i'm in a state of complete blurness. i just woke up from a nap and let's just say my neurons aren't exactly at it's sharpest point right now. i have to go "research" for my CME project; Marriage and Parenthood.
what a complete bummer. i suppose i'm kinda disappointed with what we're doing [it's a team thingy] because i had this idea to do something more..radical but because it's now a last minute thingy, we're doing the oh so typical and boring powerpoint presentation. merph. *sighs* but oh well, i shall do my part as a team member - augh.
________________________________
today was the 5 item NAPFA. if any of you remember [which i really doubt], i have been for the past few weeks been praying for some sort of minor injury to get excused from it. well, i got my wish!
yesterday, i fell into a longkang.
yes, a longkang. the knee-high ones that line HDB estates for drainage etc. it was raining REALLY hard and i was at the carpark picking up my aunty with an umbrella. i tried to avoid the puddle of water on this patch of grass, mis-stepped and plonked my leg right into the longkang. *ouch*
and NOW i have to re-take it on wednesday. i'm glad it's not 2ml though, i'm not comfortable with some people in the classes taking it 2ml.
so today, i was the class's personal cheerleader - rah! rah! it was quite fun actually.
i'm not looking forward to wednesday.
_________________________________
i'm getting /somewhere/ on my art!
yay.
i've finished 2 prelim study boards which leave me...a whopping 6 more to do. and my final piece isn't even halfway done. diediedie
and my exams start in 2 weeks. really, i've got all the pieces placed in perfect co-ordination for a nervy breakdown.
_________________________________
ooh, i managed to catch Fight Club yesterday.
augh i LOVED it! other than the complete Sex Godliness of brad pitt all bruised up, the plot the directing the cinematography was a-mazing!
the mantras and philosophies - so morbidly zen.
"you are not a pretty snowflake." it sounded so familiar and i realized that it was a quote from draco sinister [cassandra claire] except draco went "i AM a pretty snowflake!"
the movie was beautiful. my mother was abit disturbed abt how i was raving and raving about it. i told to her finally accept the fact that her daughter is in fact, morbid and revels in the weird and strange.
she just shook her head. i get the feeling she can't wait to see me out of my adolescent phase and into the Sensible Adult stage.
i wished i had managed to catch the flick earlier but it must have been rated NC or something. ergh, that means the one i watched yesterday was heavily cut up by the censors *sighs*
oh and i found it hilarious by the fact that the character Marla, this goth-chick, was played by the same actress who plays Lady Olivia in the movie Twelfth Night i watched in school! she is so friggin' talented! [duh]
all through her scenes, i kept on flashback-ing of her in corsetted dresses and tumbling curls instead of the frizzed punk 'do she was wearing in Fight Club. and there was this one part when the lead guy was walking away from her just like the way Cesario/Viola walked away from Olivia, i was almost expecting her to suddenly go Wait! Tell me what dost thou think of me? in her desperate "OMG, i worship the ground you walk on! i want to have your kids!" way.
just wow.
i HAVE to get my hands on the book.
Saturday, April 03, 2004
Singapore Chinese Girls' school
which secondary school (singapore) should you be in?
brought to you by Quizilla
Friday, April 02, 2004
16
i strangely find it a scary age. it's not another "nothing"/"nobody" age like 14 or 11. it's a definitive number and a huge part of me doesnt want to turn definitive. i like being 15.
i like roaming aimlessly around.
it's like when ppl do the lecture thing and ask you "how can you behave like this? don't you know how old you are?", answering that you're only 15 makes sense because well hey, you're still childish and it's ok.
but if you answer 16, what you get instead is rolled eyes and a general consensus that you should grow up and stop the immaturity. because you are a proper teenager and part of being one is actively trying to grow up and away from one.
at least, that's the message i've been getting.
it's the age when actual responsibility is handled. life-changing events are happening here. honestly i think its NUTS. why the hell are they giving us serious things to think about and to actually DECIDE on like whether you want to pass your 'O' [hah! yeah right.], jc/poly/overseas which of course means you have to decide NOW what you're planning to do 10 years from now.
what are you people THINKING?? do you actually believe i'm in a state to contemplate life-changing issues now?
hello?
right now, i'm concerned over petty little stuff and THAT alone i'm capable of obsessing about. i'm a hormonally unstable, psychologically teetering adolescent who's not even sure she doing the right thing TODAY and you want me to make decisions that will affect my life 10 years from now?
the thing is, i don't want to make mistakes. i don't want to turn towards a fork in the road and realize much much later that frock, i did the wrong thing and i can't turn back and i'll have to go through whatever crappy thing that comes my way.
AND ALSO of course, i don't want to grow up.
duh.
i don't want to give up my excuse of Immaturity.
and in about 4 days or so, i think i'll have to start Growing Up.
urgh, bummer.
i strangely find it a scary age. it's not another "nothing"/"nobody" age like 14 or 11. it's a definitive number and a huge part of me doesnt want to turn definitive. i like being 15.
i like roaming aimlessly around.
it's like when ppl do the lecture thing and ask you "how can you behave like this? don't you know how old you are?", answering that you're only 15 makes sense because well hey, you're still childish and it's ok.
but if you answer 16, what you get instead is rolled eyes and a general consensus that you should grow up and stop the immaturity. because you are a proper teenager and part of being one is actively trying to grow up and away from one.
at least, that's the message i've been getting.
it's the age when actual responsibility is handled. life-changing events are happening here. honestly i think its NUTS. why the hell are they giving us serious things to think about and to actually DECIDE on like whether you want to pass your 'O' [hah! yeah right.], jc/poly/overseas which of course means you have to decide NOW what you're planning to do 10 years from now.
what are you people THINKING?? do you actually believe i'm in a state to contemplate life-changing issues now?
hello?
right now, i'm concerned over petty little stuff and THAT alone i'm capable of obsessing about. i'm a hormonally unstable, psychologically teetering adolescent who's not even sure she doing the right thing TODAY and you want me to make decisions that will affect my life 10 years from now?
the thing is, i don't want to make mistakes. i don't want to turn towards a fork in the road and realize much much later that frock, i did the wrong thing and i can't turn back and i'll have to go through whatever crappy thing that comes my way.
AND ALSO of course, i don't want to grow up.
duh.
i don't want to give up my excuse of Immaturity.
and in about 4 days or so, i think i'll have to start Growing Up.
urgh, bummer.
Thursday, April 01, 2004
when my alimentary canal decides to rebel.
i think i would have been better off born without the above-mentioned canal. no other part of my physical self [ok - except maybe my mouth] has caused me more trouble and trauma.
i hate gastric flu. it started halfway through school on tuesday but ddn give it much thought then because i thought it was just the stuffy hall that we were having the equally stuffy Councillor's Investiture in. i felt like crap but still i persisted in carrying out my day as planned instead of crawling back home to seek refuge because i had promised today would be my date with charmaine since we've hardly been able to spend time with each other *sniffles*. so we went for lunch [hah, with the abrupt addition of a certain somebody lol] and wandered around. oh, i went to one of the pillars and smushed my head against it in an effort to relieve my headache. it worked - for like 5 seconds. was it worth the stares of the shopkeeper? i think it was.
so i finally went home. and *drumroll* it started raining. my dearest mudder ordered me to take a shower which after much whining about how cold the water would be, i did.
was the water cold? let's see, i wasnt only shivering, my teeth weren't only chattering - i was hyperventilating. *glares at mother*
she refused to believe i was sick even though i came home withering like a wiliting [ie. decomposing] flower. she only came to the coclusion that OMG, he daughter WAS sick 3 hours later, several incresed degrees and frequent trips to the loo. AUGH.
but what-ever. i am still here at home. i've got 3 toilets here, all fully equipped with lots of tissue, hoses and reading material. it's everything that i would not be able to get at school.
i take comfort in the little things like watching the Oprah Show [surprisingly, i really like it!], Spongebob and several travel documentaries [2 of which were features on Japan] while my peers are toiling away in the boredom of english and biology lessons. like, whoo!
in the comfort of my home, i can look ugly and sloppy in my old clothes whereas at school, i'd still have to make sure my shirt was tucked in and all that sort of palaver.
so other than the painful cramps and the horrid bouts of nausea, it's all quite fun.
yeah, right.
but today's April's Fool. ergh, what a terrible waste. bummerbummerbummer.
as my mother would say - skoodee-dooda!
*on a brighter note, because of all the purging that's been done, my tummy is considerably flatter.
___________________________________________
i'm still not sure what i've just gotten myself into be joining rmun. like, what was i thinking?? what if i screw up in front of not only other schools, but BIG schools.
right. i wasn't thinking.
breathe iz. breaaathe
*runs off in hysteria, conveniently in the direction of IMH*
oh gawd oh gawd, what was i thinking?? their all like, DEBATERS and I can't remember the last time i made a speech to a group of ppl other than my class. and it's so political - i feel absolutely clueless.
the only way i see for me to make through this is to bluff my way through and pretend i know what's going on.
yes. i'll just pretend! wahahahahaha. one thing i learned today on mtv. in hip-hop lingo, bootsie means phony. so i'll just be a bootsie and somehow, hope i wont mortally humiliate myself.
i think i would have been better off born without the above-mentioned canal. no other part of my physical self [ok - except maybe my mouth] has caused me more trouble and trauma.
i hate gastric flu. it started halfway through school on tuesday but ddn give it much thought then because i thought it was just the stuffy hall that we were having the equally stuffy Councillor's Investiture in. i felt like crap but still i persisted in carrying out my day as planned instead of crawling back home to seek refuge because i had promised today would be my date with charmaine since we've hardly been able to spend time with each other *sniffles*. so we went for lunch [hah, with the abrupt addition of a certain somebody lol] and wandered around. oh, i went to one of the pillars and smushed my head against it in an effort to relieve my headache. it worked - for like 5 seconds. was it worth the stares of the shopkeeper? i think it was.
so i finally went home. and *drumroll* it started raining. my dearest mudder ordered me to take a shower which after much whining about how cold the water would be, i did.
was the water cold? let's see, i wasnt only shivering, my teeth weren't only chattering - i was hyperventilating. *glares at mother*
she refused to believe i was sick even though i came home withering like a wiliting [ie. decomposing] flower. she only came to the coclusion that OMG, he daughter WAS sick 3 hours later, several incresed degrees and frequent trips to the loo. AUGH.
but what-ever. i am still here at home. i've got 3 toilets here, all fully equipped with lots of tissue, hoses and reading material. it's everything that i would not be able to get at school.
i take comfort in the little things like watching the Oprah Show [surprisingly, i really like it!], Spongebob and several travel documentaries [2 of which were features on Japan] while my peers are toiling away in the boredom of english and biology lessons. like, whoo!
in the comfort of my home, i can look ugly and sloppy in my old clothes whereas at school, i'd still have to make sure my shirt was tucked in and all that sort of palaver.
so other than the painful cramps and the horrid bouts of nausea, it's all quite fun.
yeah, right.
but today's April's Fool. ergh, what a terrible waste. bummerbummerbummer.
as my mother would say - skoodee-dooda!
*on a brighter note, because of all the purging that's been done, my tummy is considerably flatter.
___________________________________________
i'm still not sure what i've just gotten myself into be joining rmun. like, what was i thinking?? what if i screw up in front of not only other schools, but BIG schools.
right. i wasn't thinking.
breathe iz. breaaathe
*runs off in hysteria, conveniently in the direction of IMH*
oh gawd oh gawd, what was i thinking?? their all like, DEBATERS and I can't remember the last time i made a speech to a group of ppl other than my class. and it's so political - i feel absolutely clueless.
the only way i see for me to make through this is to bluff my way through and pretend i know what's going on.
yes. i'll just pretend! wahahahahaha. one thing i learned today on mtv. in hip-hop lingo, bootsie means phony. so i'll just be a bootsie and somehow, hope i wont mortally humiliate myself.
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